Christmas is over. I'm exhausted.

I went to my first Cavs game of the new Wine and Gold era. It was pathetic. Where is the rebounding? How tall are you Z? Can you jump? Do you have arms? Hey LeBron, those passes go to the team in WHITE, not RED. Erik Williams? Are we paying for tickets in order to see you shoot? I think not.

Jessica Simpson is pretty darn hot, but she is so so stupid, and annoying also I might add. I watch that Newlywed show for about 10 minutes every once in a while just to remind myself of that fact.

I finally finished my Christmas shopping tonight. I usually end up getting myself about as much stuff as I buy as gifts for other people, but this year I hardly got myself anything.... some shoes, a phone, and some DVD's. There isn't even anything that I really want (within my price range) so maybe that's why I didn't get myself a bunch of stuff. I'm fairly certain that it isn't because of my self-discipline.

Stupid baseball. Can they ever go a whole off-season without shooting themselves in the foot?

-Ricky D's Renegades
Forwarding Address: Boston Mass.

Dear Major League Baseball,

Use this Alex Rodriguez trade to break the union. They players association is getting involved where it shouldn't be, and it is complaining about a trade, which it's member is in favor of. BREAK THE UNION! Have Rodriguez say "Screw you union, I'm doing what I want to do and if you don't like it too bad, you have no authority over me when I quit the union. What do you say to that? One of the most popular players quitting the union? Hmm, that would be bad publicity, so hey stupid union you better do what I want, since without players you are nothing after all... and oh yeah, you're supposed to have my interests at heart, not your own."


I hate the MLB union. NO! You must not reduce your salary from $25 million to $24 million per year! Think about the children! How will they survive! The children!

The Indians have tried to trade away the last player on the team who was on the 97 World Series team. The problem is that Omar didn't pass his physical in Seattle. He had 2 knee surgeries in the off-season, and Seattle said that the knees were apparently still problems.

I actually didn't have much of a problem with the trade. They would get Guillen, who is 8 years younger, and last year put up about the same numbers. He also makes $2 million less per year, not that the Indians would spend that money, but in theory it's a good thing.

So the operation name that caught Saddam was "Red Dawn" and the infantry that got him were the "Wolverines"... I half expected Patrick Swayze and C. Thomas Howard to pop out of the spider-hole with M-16's.

I just finished watching the Cavs - Pistons game (in between the Purdue - Oklahoma pseudo game.) In garbage time, with the Cavs up by 10 with a minute to go, Darko came in. The first time he touched the ball he immediately turned to shoot and got blocked by Z. The next time down he was wide open and went to dunk and clanked it off the front of the rim. I imagine things like that have to do wonders for your confidence.

I was bored, and when I get bored I spend money... This time I bought the following DVDs on Amazon :

The Adventures of Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark/The Temple of Doom/The Last Crusade) - Widescreen
The Simpsons - The Complete Second Season
The Simpsons - The Complete Third Season
The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition)
Alias - The Complete First Season
Alias - The Complete Second Season


The odds that I will ever watch any of these? Not so good. Why do I buy things? I don't know. I think it's because I'm stupid.

If you could change your name to anything, why would you pick Fluffy McButterpants?

-Hootie McBoob

I find your ideas intriguing. I would like to sign up for your newsletter.

Tonight was my last night in my hot teacher class and I am sad.

So the number 1 team in the nation in both polls is screwed out of a spot in the championship game. Whew! This is a lot better than a playoff would be. Think of all the exciting debate that we can have now. Hooray.

That said, Purdue is going to the Capital One "Should still be called Citrus" Bowl. Is anyone going to this game, or will it just be me and 65,000 empty seats? Tickets are $65/each, which is pretty reasonable I think. Priority tickets need to be ordered before December 12th, so if you're going, and you want to sit together in a group, let me know.

If you had offered me Kansas State + 14 before the game, there's no way I would've taken the bet. Watching the game though, I was quite impressed with how they played. That little midgety running back they have has got to be one of the fastest football players I've ever seen. Oklahoma's team speed all season was amazing, but K-State just ran past them all night long. I'm amazed.

Now we'll see if the BCS is going to screw it up tomorrow. USC should be #1, LSU should be #2, and OU should be #3. I would accept it if OU ended #2, but everyone on ESPN is talking about USC being #1 in the polls, but #3 in the BCS. If that happens, maybe it will be the key to getting a playoff finally. I doubt it though. What would happen is that #1 USC would play #4 Michigan, and #2 LSU would play #3 OU, and there would be a split championship in the minds of the fans.

There is some talk of restoring a modified Margin of Victory calculation to the BCS. That would help teams like Oklahoma and hurt teams like Ohio State. There would be a cap of 20 points however, so if you're up 59-7, there would be no gain from piling it on even further.

The BCS is better than the way it used to be (just polls) but is still far away from the ideal playoff system. I think an 8 team playoff is the way to go, and this can be accomplished by reducing the regular season by one game. That would mean that the finalists would play only one more game per season than they play now. The current BCS Bowl Games would each house a playoff game, with some others being elevated to that position on a rotating basis. The rest of the bowl games would be filled with teams not in the 8 team playoff. As with anything NCAA related though, it's all about the money, and the big bowls aren't willing to risk their current cash cow by doing something logical.

Are comment numbers working for anyone? For me I see a whole lot of "No Comments" when there actually are comments.

Why in the world would you take a perfectly good G35 sedan and add all-wheel drive to it, but take out the manual transmission? It makes no sense. My only hope is that they'll wait half a year to add the manual to it like they did originally on the sedan.

Florida has been selected to go to the Outback Bowl. Interestingly, Purdue isn't finalized as the opponent, which can really mean only one thing... Ohio State will go to a BCS Bowl, and Purdue would go to the Citrus. The Outback is obligated to take Big 10 number 3, so I think the only reason they wouldn't is if Big Ten #2 didn't go to the Citrus, but instead went to another BCS bowl. It's supposed to be finalized this weekend, so it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Apparently, the type of performance-enhancing drugs the Raiders were using aren't the kind that help you pressure the quarterback, stop the run, or establish a passing game.

I ordered a Purdue helmet from Blue Sky Magical Mystery Creation Machines and boy did they deliver. The helmet looks great, but it doesn't quite fit my big fat head. The helmet has earned 7 Boilermaker train decals, so I think they stole it from the punter. Here's some pictures of my unfinished sports-themed room. On the door is a Boiler Junction This Way sign that I remember literally flying off the wall in Tark and going down my shirt. I didn't even realize what happened until I was back in my room. Wierd. I also have the pennants of the Big 10 teams, with an extra Purdue at top. I ordered them from this website for $49.95. In the bottom left are the two shelves, the bottom one housing Purdue cups from as far back as 1997 when Purdue beat Michigan 9-3 and we stormed the field. That cup comes complete with grass from the field. Also on that shelf are the remains of my ridiculous balloon Rose Bowl hat. The top shelf has Indians cups from Jacobs Field dating back to 1995. The bottom right picture contains cups from other stadiums I've been to, like Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Houston, Oakland, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Texas. The ball is from Milwaukee during batting practice (after we saw the Pirates on consecutive days in Pittsburgh and Milwaukee). Pirates pitcher Todd Ritchie threw me about a 45 MPH curve ball that I missed by at least 10 inches. That's one of my proudest moments.

Color me confused. Purdue destroyed Iowa, yet in the ESPN/USA Today poll Iowa is ranked ahead of Purdue. Hmm.

Also, I heard that IU was changing their fight song.... to I'll Be Home For Christmas.

What kind of a sign is it when Purdue beats Duke in the shootout? Is it a good sign, or is it a typical sign? I remember a few years back when Purdue beat Arizona (who was number 1 at the time.) If I remember crrectly that was the year they went on to the Sweet 16 where they lost to Wisconsin. Does this victory mean that they will contend for the Big 10 title, or is it mearly another upset over an over-confident team that never really builds into anything else?

8 hours.

Shopping for 8 hours.

8.

Hours.

I hate shopping.

Is it wrong to just give ziplock bags of cash for Christmas? Does that take some of the fun out of it?

Women in South Carolina are generally pretty hot though I must say. Maybe it's because they don't have to completely cover every inch of skin for fear of frostbite.

On the plane from Philly to Columbia, I think the woman next to me was trying to have a contest with herself to see how fast (and loud) she could possibly turn the page of her dozen newspapers. Maybe she was trying to tear it in half the whole time. Who knows. It was pretty ridiculous to watch her though. It was as if as soon as she finished one page she needed to remove it from her sight immediately or she would die.

I wanted to punch her in the face. Many many times.

*** Turn on Harry Carey voice ***

How about that! It was 68 degrees here yesterday, and today, with no exaggeration, it snowed. Snow.

*** Turn on Canadian Harry Carey voice ***

Yesterday I was oot and aboot in a boot with shorts on and today it snowed. Ay.

*** Turn on Southern Harry Carey voice ***

What's up y'all? Tomorrow I will be in South Carolina. Y'all'll have to look for me to be back in the Arctic Circle. Woo! Nascar!

Yet another exciting weekend in the NFL. It's like watching paint dry.

The Browns are not good, and neither are 50% of the other teams out there. Put two of those together, like the Browns and Steelers, and you have tremendous offense approaching 100 yards per team at half time.

Throw in 5 turnovers, and it's like watching a pee-wee football game. Half a yard and a cloud of dust.

Ding, dong, Ohio State is dead.

Too bad it took the whole season before it was certain.

The sadistic part of me would have really liked to have seen Oklahoma beat OSU about 388 to 3. Oh how happy I would have been!

The crappy Luckeyes are probably going to win today, and if they do then I will agree that they have earned a trip to be beaten by Oklahoma. Maybe Michigan learned a lesson from Purdue last week. Have the QB run the ball every once in a while! It does wonders.

I need something along the lines of the movie Multiplicity. I need 10 duplicates. Then I can do what I want to do, and what I need to do.

Did you guys see this?

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A Columbus judge says he'll let an inmate stay in jail instead of moving him to prison right away so he can see the Ohio State-Michigan game on TV this Saturday.

Jeff Renne told Franklin County Common Pleas Judge Richard Sheward yesterday that he would plead guilty as long as he could stay in the county jail through the weekend. Inmates at the jail can watch TV, but it's off-limits at the Orient reception center, where they are held before they're moved to one of the state's prisons.

Renne was charged with forgery. He says if the Buckeyes win on Saturday, he'll still be "on cloud nine" despite being in prison.

Judge Sheward says he granted Renne's request because it's Michigan week and he thought he should do his part for the Buckeyes.


Uh.... Judge. How about this.... he's a CRIMINAL. SEND HIM TO PRISON. I guess in Columbus, during Michigan week I can just do whatever I please.

ME: Oh officer, I thought the speed limit was 125 MPH. It IS Michigan week after all. Why don't you do your part for the Buckeyes.

OFFICER: Oh OK. Free to go.

What an ass.

What's going on with wide receivers in the NFL now? First Kevin Johnson, a 5 year starter, is just cut and then a record 16 NFL teams fight for him on waivers. Now Keyshawn Johnson, an 8 year starter has been de-activiated for the season. He'll either be cut or traded before the season is over, even though they'll take a cap hit for doing so.

I took down the panoramic of Ross-Ade, but if anyone wants the small one or the REALLY big one, then just email me and I'll send it to you.

If Purdue beats IU next week, it appears they are locked in to the Outback Bowl in Tampa. The only two questions after that are who is going, and how are we getting there? I say Winnebago.

Once upon a time I predicted the Browns would finish 6-10 this year. I heard various comments ranging from "You are an idiot." to "You are the Norse god of thunder."

It now appears that the Browns will be lucky to get to 6-10. They just cut Kevin Johnson and now William Green has been suspended for 4 games.

On a non-related NFL note, the friggin Cavs are frustrating to watch again. When they play together, I think they have the chance to be very good. Maybe as the season goes on they'll understand how to run a cohesive offense. I hope so.

I was watching the Warriors - Pistons game last night and I thought I recognized number 35 for the Warriors. It turned out it was Brian Cardinal. They were calling him the Janitor last night, because he was cleaning up all the loose balls. They also said that he has become the 2nd leading scorer on Golden State, after being an unsigned invite to camp. I liked Cardinal when he was at Purdue and I like his style now. Sure, there's an elbow here or there, but he gives it his all on every play. The rest of the pampered NBA can learn a lesson from that.

Did you guys see that the spread in the Oklahoma - Baylor game is currently at 52.5 points? 52.5!

That's unbelievable. What's even more unbelievable is that they may actually cover it.

Uh.... WHAT!!!! The freaking Browns just released Kevin Johnson. What the hell are they thinking? WHAT THE FREAK!

He's only the best damn receiver they've got, what's the point in keeping him. Oh hey, let's just cut him. Sounds good to me. What the damn it ass bag crap face ass bitch.

Where have I been? I don't know.

It's a mystery.

Perhaps you know.

There's a new movie out... perhaps you've heard of it. It's called "Hey, let's throw out everything from the previous movie and just make up our own world again."

Movie 1: No mention of the Architect
Movie 2: The Architect is the most important being in existence
Movie 3: Who is this Architect? I think he's just an idiot

Movie 1: Neo is The One
Movie 2: Neo is the seventh The One
Movie 3: Forget what we said back there, he's really just a person, not really The One, or even the seventh The One.

Whoopee. Let's just kill everyone. Hooray.

The next Mario Kart comes out in slightly more than a week. It's looking pretty fun. I remember the hours and hours and days and years spent playing the original one, so I'm looking forward to this one.

The name's Tang.

Pootie Tang.

Is it wrong that I think Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are hot now?

You'll go off to college. You'll meet a nice girl. She'll make you dinner. She'll give you diarrhea.

I like Alias.

I like Jennifer Garner.

Jennifer Garner wants to have many of my babies.



One of the above statements could potentially be false.

You'll never know which one though.

To Justin,

Happy Birthday. I hope you like your new Vladimir Guerrero. I originally got you a Manny Ramirez, but I had to take it back because it was defective.

-Shmeorge Leinbrenner

I can't understand how one team can get so many horrible calls in its favor. Third and 3, 2 minutes left in the game, Ohio State down by 6. The pass is OBVIOUSLY dropped. It is clear as day. The ball hits the ground. The announcers both see it and NONE of the officials do. Or rather, the officials probably do see it and just don't feel like calling it. Now I understand what Joe Paterno's problem is with Big 10 officials. Penn State got jobbed.

Did anyone go outside and check out the Northern Lights? With all the massive solar flares and coronal mass ejections, I'm told they were awesome... reds and greens, with bolts of white throughout. I didn't see them myself, basically because NASA maps showed they wouldn't be visible where I am, but apparently they were. Poop.

I think that all NBA games from now on should start with 4 minutes of layup drills by each team that count towards that teams score. Maybe, just maybe, then we will see both teams score above 80 points. Oh what a sight that would be.

I just saw pictures of the Nissan Fuga from the Tokyo Motor Show, and I have to say that I like it. The front isn't as rounded as the G35, so I like the side profile better. The back of it almost reminds me of the next generation Mustang.

It's fantasy basketball time. If I thought we could get 10 participants, I would start a league, but I don't, so I won't.

Question: Is it possible for a trilogy to be considered great if one of its members is extremely weak? Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom SUCKS. It does. There's no denying it. It seems that the Indiana Jones series as a whole though is considered to be great. I admit that Raiders of the Lost Ark and the Last Crusade are quite good, but Temple of Doom is more like Temple of Crap.

The reason I'm asking this is because the DVD set has been released and I am debating the purchase. Should I just wait until they come out individually? Should I never buy them because they are on USA 10 times a year? Questions, questions.

I rode the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world yesterday. 120 MPH is just an estimate, as they had a radar gun there and I saw readouts as high as 127 MPH. I actually got to ride it twice, because on the first launch we didn't make it over the 420 foot hill, so they pulled us back into the statioin and launched again. The acceleration.... 0 to 120 something in less than 4 seconds is CRAZY. INSANE. I almost bit my tongue off. It was worth the trip though.

Why exactly do Pudge and Urbina kiss after the game? Are they re-enacting the last time Al and Dave were together?

I was completely shocked last night when my phone went off with an ESPN upset alert and I saw that West Virginia had beaten Virginia Tech 28-7. If Purdue can get it done this weekend in Ann Arbor, they will almost certainly move up to #7 in the BCS (and possibly #6.)

I ordered my arcade stick today. I'm going to wait for a while before I either buy this cabinet, or build my own.

If you think that the Miami Fish Machine is going to win, I suggest you stop smoking the ragga-dagga. Shmeorge Leinbrenner cannot allow that to happen.

Boo to you Shmeorge. I say to thee boo.


On a plus note for Bean-town though... they got rid of Fattoine Walker. Too bad for them they got me in return - a tall white guy who likes to shoot three's and who cannot rebound. Hooray.

That was about as close to being a strike as I am to being a Trillionaire.

To Mr. Johnny Damon,

Mr. Damon, I would like to request that you please cut your hair. You have a mop on your skull.

Sincerely,

Your hat.

Hey. Who's that out in right field? Oh. It's Karim Garcia. Do you know what he was traded for? It was nothing. And I don't mean a player to be named later, or some scrub minor leaguer. I mean nothing. Nada. Zero.

Terrific.

I generally despise the Red Sox and especially Pedro, but today, they are the lesser of two evils, so for one day at least you may consider me a member of the Red Sox Nation.

One question though... what the freak is up with that stupid "Cowboy Up" saying? When did they get cowboys in Boston? Who on their team is a cowboy? I fail to understand.

I don't know what's worse... the Cubs giving up 8 runs in the 8th, or the fact that astronomers aren't finding asteroids that practically hit the Earth until they have already passed.

Top 5 reasons why I need 6 bathrooms:

5. I like to leave surprises for Lisa.
4. Liam is a dirty dirty little boy.
3. Ryan "Crap Pants" Dowd
2. Every time I watch a Red Sox game I feel very ill.
1. For me to poop on!

Ed Hillel. "Objective" Yankees fan.

That had to be just about the funniest thing I've seen in weeks.

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America.

Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.

Some high school kid kicked a 62 yarder. Oh by the way, it was an EXTRA POINT! His longest field goal is only 27 yards. Apparently the thought of those 2 additional points makes him incapable as a kicker. The article is on ESPN here.

This might just be the best thing ever.

http://www.backyardartillery.com/

I am thirsty. I believe I will get something to drink. And then I will go to bed, but not sleep. I will watch the Red Sox - Athletics game for a while longer, even though I don't care one iota who wins. Then I will fall asleep, and wake up late for work. I predict I will be 30 minutes late to work in the morning. All because I am thirsty.

It appears that I have finalized my plan for the spare room, and it includes a MAME arcade cabinet. When complete, it should be able to play upwards of 400 different games, and of course it will be 4 player. I haven't decided on whether I want a coin box or not though.

It's only one game, but I am very pleased with the outcome.

Paige Davis looks trampy now. I don't like it. She should go back to wearing that Catholic school girl outfit every week.

This is crazy. I'm watching the USC - Cal game right now, and it's like a video game. USC hit a field goal late in the 4th to send it to OT. Then their running back broke a 20 yard run, down to the 5 on the first play in OT. The next play, he fumbled and Cal recovered. Then all Cal had to do was kick a field goal. They try a 30 yard field goal and it gets blocked. Two long TD passes in the 2nd OT. Then USC misses a field goal in the 3rd OT. Cal has the ball now and it looks like they're setting up for an attempt at another field goal, even though they've had 2 blocked in this game. Here goes. A 38 yard field goal try. Cal wins. Whoopee. That means that sucky Ohio State will move up the rankings even though they suck. Bah.

Mike Williams is really good though. I think he's better than Keyshawn was.


On another note... I'm not so sure that Purdue is guaranteed of a spot in the coaches top 25 poll. Sure, they'll move into the top 20 in the AP, but not enough low ranked teams lost today to get them a sure spot in the coaches poll. I guess we'll see.

If I see one more LeBron James jersey I'm going to punch the person wearing it in the face. Where's the Ilgauskus jersey? What about Boozer? If you can't name more than 10 players on the team then you don't deserve to be a fan. In fact, I don't even think you can call yourself a fan unless you went to the Cavs - Magic game on Sunday March 2nd, 2003 and sat in section 8, row 2, seat 6.

Breaking News: Tim Couch will be the starter this weekend against the Bengals. My predictions are these: the Browns fans will boo Couch. The Browns will lose to the Bengals.

I am taking suggestions for my spare bedroom. Some ideas that have been floated include a Pop-A-Shot game, an air hockey game, foosball, bowling game, and a card table. Obviously those won't all fit in there, and I think the upstairs only has 8' ceilings, so Pop-A-Shot might not even work, although there is a 7' game. The room is 14 X 9, so a pool table won't comfortably fit in there.

Tomorrow I have a test. Aren't I too old to be in school?

Next year will be the 10th anniversary of my freshman year. Granted I haven't gone consecutively since then, but still.

Apparently Arizona really is THAT bad. My only hope now is that the Purdue players don't think they're world beaters now and fail to show up for Notre Suck. We HAVE to beat Notre Suck. Have to. Once in my lifetime. They are terrible, and we are less terrible. Please, for the love of God, please please please beat that crappy golden domed bunch of sucks.

Oh by the way... how'd they look in black?

Time once again to update the top 10.

1. Elizabeth Hurley
2. Keira Knightley
3. Natalie Portman
4. Famke Janssen
5. Natasha Henstridge
6. Jennifer Garner
7. Ashley Judd
8. Eliza Dushku
9. Salma Hayek
10. Rachel Leigh Cook


Entering:
2. Keira Knightley
5. Natasha Henstridge
8. Eliza Dushku
9. Salma Hayek


Exiting:
2. Angie Everhart
3. Paige Davis
4. Heidi Collins
10. Lisa Guerrero

i'm going to the final Indians home game of the year this Sunday. It will prevent me from watching part of the Browns game, which is a blessing.

What's left of hurricane Isabel is over Cleveland right now, but it's basically just a steady rain, with no real wind to speak of.

Other than that, I'm basically out of things to say for the time being.

Purdue is favored by 25 points over Arizona. Somehow I doubt that this Purdue team will beat ANYONE by 25 points. The only thing they may lead by 25 in is fumbles. On the flip side... is Arizona really that bad? Wow.

Be sure to check out my new sponsor: Jeff Goldblum Is Watching You Poop.

Seriously.

Sweet Lord Almighty! She is SO HOT. She may be the hottest woman I've seen in person more than once.

She's hot. Damn hot. Real hot. Fool, she's hot, I told you, damn! Were you born on the sun? She's damn hot!

Too bad she's taken.

Did I mention though that she is hot.

A US Air Force Thunderbird crashed at an Air Show in Idaho on Saturday. No one was injured, although the plane was diving down towards the crowd when the plane experienced engine failure. It isn't know yet what caused the failure, but Pratt & Whitney seems to think that it was a bird strike.

I'm wondering if the new '04 Acura TL is going to be worth adding to my list. The performance sounds nice, but it's just a glorified Accord. A VERY glorified Accord, but still, I need something different. The Acura RSX Type-S just reminds me of a faster version of my car, and I don't think I want that. I actually like the new F-150, but I can't see myself driving a truck. The G35 in mid next year will come in an all wheel drive variety, which is more practical in Clevelands 364.9 days of snow or rain, so to me, that car is still the leading contender for my consumer dollars. The Chrysler 300C looks like a Bentley to me. I think I still have vision in both my eyes though, so I can't be making this up. Yeah the GTO sounds fun, but I find it to be ugly. The front is OK, but back reminds me of a Lumina, and who wants to drive a fast Lumina? If it looked like the Stratus SXT then I'd consider it. The Cadillac XLR is the first Caddy in a long while that I've actually liked. It's too bad the price is at least double what I want to pay. The new Durango looks HORRIBLE. It looks like the child of a minivan and a bus. The '05 Subaru Legacy looks pretty nice, potentially list worthy.

When all is said and done though, it's still the G35 Sedans to lose.

Hey.... how's that Kelly Holcomb move working out for you? Oh. Not so good? That's too bad.

Many people seemed skeptical when I predicted a 6-10 season for the Browns this year, but it doesn't look too far off anymore now does it?

Maybe it's just me, but I honestly feel like the less 5:00 AM Sunday pages I receive the better.

HOLD!

ON!

TO!

THE!

BALL!


If I could actually lift my TV, then I would have thrown it through my living room window. You have the game in hand with 2:46 to go. They are punting to you. All you have to do is HOLD ON TO THE FREAKING BALL! Catch the ball and just fall down. I don't care. Fall down! That's easy. I've seen you do it when you're running in the open. Try it when you can win the game by falling down. Buy some stick 'em. I DO NOT CARE.

It seems to me that they are trying to find ways to lose a game. It's mind numbing.

I just got back from my first yearly condo board meeting with the general populace. I use the words "general populace" and I mean it to sound like prison. Two of the guys needed to be in prison. Shouting, standing, pointing, etc. It was like a wrestling match. I wanted to taser them. Most of the people had good, or at least reasonable ideas. We're getting two new board members, and possibly two alternates. Two of the women coming in like to wear bikinis, so I welcome my new bikini wearing oppressors.

Actually, since I am on the board, I guess I have been their oppressors until now. Where are my perks I ask you? I wanted to re-enact the Jabba and Princess Leia scene where they would be chained to me in skimpy solid gold bikinis.

I pre-ordered the newest Star Wars Rogue Squadron game for GameCube and got a bonus disc that had the original 1982 Star Wars game from the arcade. I'm sure everyone remembers it... It had vector graphics and the ships looked like oragami. In other words, it was awesome, and now I can play it in my living room. Hooray for me.

"It's a good thing they're imploding Veterans Stadium so that they keep the rats in there. Otherwise, if they exploded it, there would be rats flying everywhere." - John Madden

This was just about the best possible sports weekend possible. Not only did the Browns manage to play in just about the most boring game ever, but they also prevented my starting fantasy QB (Manning) from doing anything at all... strike that, he did get me a whole 1.6 points. What I should do is set my starting lineup, and then on Sunday morning I should switch out everyone and put in my bench. Holcomb looked like crap, but amazingly enough I didn't hear the idiot fans booing. Hmm. Purdue blew it against Bowling Green. Notre Dame and Ohio State both lucked out AGAIN.

I wanted to believe the hype, but I never really did. Ryan tried in vain to get me to believe that Purdue had a great shot at winning the Big 10 this year. I (as I normally do) expected the worst. I even stated that I could see Purdue losing 6 games this year. Well, I hope I'm wrong, but this schedule looks much tougher now that they've lost to Bowling Green.

I'm sad to say, but the time has come for my organization and Ms. Angie Everhart to seperate. She has been a solid and productive member of my team for nearly 10 years, but with the present economic times, and our failure to come to an agreement on future compensation, we must part ways. I wish her the best in her future endeavors.

Wow! What a fantastic pre-game kickoff to the NFL season. I'm blown away.

I couldn't stand watching that piece of crap for more than 2 minutes. It should've been called the NFL Lip Sync Special.

I don't know why, but I'm not particulary excited about the upcoming NFL season. I'm much more interested in college football at this point. Maybe it's because my stupid fantasy team is about the equivalent of the Browns.

Impending doom? Only if you think 2014 is impending.

The BBC is running an article about the newest Near Earth Object in this article. They mention that it has the possibility of vaporizing a continent in 2014.

NASA has their own take on the whole situation.

Following my own theory before... I say we just bomb it. Bomb it until it can be bombed no longer. And then light it on fire.

If you've never seen the Blue Angels in person (and I don't think any of you have) then you have no idea how amazing it is to watch a jet going 500 MPH + going due West apply a high G thrust vectored turn and be due South in less than 1 second. Sure the pilots feel over 7 G's for that amount of time, but it's quite amazing to watch. The best way to desribe it is like a power slide in the sky.

Is it possible for MTV to become any less mainstream and any more irrelevant? I think not.

Breaking news: Scissors Kills Paper, Rock; Turns Blade On Self.

Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing.

I wanna get into it man.

You know.

Get up.

Get on up.

Get up.

Get on up.

Stay on the scene.

Like a sex machine.

I have a solution to all of the worlds problem. Bombs.

Iraqi's don't like our presence? Bomb them.

Mars is going to crash into Earth? Bomb it.

The Yankees bought Vladimir Guerrero? Bomb them.

See, it works for everything. It scales just as small or big as the problem you are having.

I met my wife last night. She just doesn't know it.

So hot. Want to touch the hiney.

I saw Serving Sara over the weekend. Very disappointing. Not even the extremely hot Elizabeth Hurley could turn it into a movie I'd ever want to watch again. It gets a lowly rating of 2. Would definately return it if I received it as a gift, and I'd smack the person who gave it to me upside the head. Elizabeth Hurley gets a 9 out of 10 though.

The Indians just traded Brian Anderson for cash and 2 nothings. Great.

Wow. The Browns sure looked good Saturday night. They're Super Bowl bound if they keep up this pace.

Clarett, Shmlarett. Who gives a crap. He sucks and Ohio State sucks too.

I've got your repeat right here.

I rate Ohio State fans right up there win Browns fans as being the worst fans to sit with at a game. I think they should limit all beer sales to the first minute of the first quarter at every game in Ohio. Crap heads. Hey, here's an idea Browns fans. Let's boo our own team. Who cares that they only have 3.61 players on offense. I don't! BOO! Boo I say. Hey ref, here's a beer upside the head, and there's more where that came from. Yeah the team sucks. Yeah the chants are all either "3 and out! 3 and out!" or "P-R-E! V-E-N-T!" Still, have a little class you drunk bastards.

Here's what's going to happen. The Browns will finish 6-10 this year and who will they blame now that Couch isn't the starter? Oh, I'm sure they'll find someone, and that someone's name will rhyme with Gym Slouch. Idiots. They should have a minimum IQ requirement installed in order to get into the stadium.

In movie news.... the trailer for Matrix Revolutions was released today. Why do I get the feeling that I've already seen it? The big fight (apparently) has Neo versus Agent Smith, while they are surrounded by thousands of other Agent Smiths.

Johnny Depp apparently is the new front runner to play Willy Wonka. Give me a break. If I wanted a coke snorting pirate scissorhands then I would've hired Al.

I got Madden 2004. The ownership mode is insanely complicated. Paul Tagliabue probably makes potential owners play through several seasons of the mode just to see how well they do.

Kelly Holcomb has been named the starter. Woopty freakin do.

(I believe I called this though, and it's the wrong move.)

Eric brought up an excellent point. In all this talk of 50 million people being without power, we lost sight of the fact that Travis Hafner hit for the cycle yesterday, and thus became the first Indian to do so since 1978.

Where are our priorities I ask you.

Where?

Now that the sweeping blackouts have stopped again, I'm putting my energy to good use...

like this link to a great 80's shirt.


Also, there's a cool site where you can read first hand about the blackout. Check it out here if you're interested.

Lastly, just for Eric. The Browns game is schedule to happen tonight against Green Bay, although last I heard there were still having problems with the traffic lights downtown.

I spoke too soon last night. My work had power, but my house had no power. I went out to get some food, and any place that was open was jam packed. Wendy's had their drive through wrapped all the way around the building and back onto the street. The gas stations actually had police directing traffic into them. I ended up going to an all night grocery store that had some power and was able to get something to eat. I ended up getting power back sometime in the middle of the night after I had fallen asleep, but there are still plenty of areas in the Cleveland area and elsewhere that don't have power.

Power is back on. Hooray!

You never realize how much dependence you have on it until you start looking for anything that has a battery in it. My cell phone didn't work -- the cell stations had no power. My phones are cordless -- they had no power. My stereo requires power. My walkman uses batteries, YES! CRAP! The batteries are dead and I have no more AAA's. My pager isn't getting updates, so I have no news whatsoever. I'm calling everyone I know, from everywhere in the country. The only problem is, half of them use cell phones that aren't working at that point either. The other half aren't home, and still the other half I have either no work numbers or invalid work numbers. It's really amazing that as you slowly hear the story spread, various thoughts are flying through your head. All power is out in northern Ohio. Ok fine, that's happened before. Then you hear that means from Toledo to Erie and all the way down to Akron. Ok, that HASN'T happened before. What??? Power is out all the way to New York? What is going on? Unfortunately at that point, the worst thoughts start entering the picture. Was it terrorism? I have no idea, because I can't get in touch with anyone. All I knew was that South Carolina had power and Alaska had power. That leaves a few states in between those that may or may not have power.

Thankfully though, our big news station had backup generators, and when I got into my car I finally heard some sketchy news about a fire in Connecticut or New York City or something. That was good enough for me. At least I had heard something. It's also quite astounding to be driving when there's no power. I'm amazed at how civil everyone is. Why can't they be that way when the traffic lights are working? Anyway. I'm happy to be with power again.

It's not often that you see a baseball game end with a score of 5-0 in the 14th inning, but somehow the Indians manage to beat the Twins 5-0 in 14 last night.

Donde esta el Brak Show????

DONDE!?!?!?!?!

Here are my AFC picks for the upcoming NFL season:

AFC East
1. Miami (12-4)
2. New England (8-8)
3. New York (6-10)
4. Buffalo (6-10)

AFC South
1. Tennessee (11-5)
2. Indianapolis (10-6)
3. Jacksonville (5-11)
4. Houston (4-12)

AFC North
1. Baltimore (10-6)
2. Pittsburgh (9-7)
3. Cleveland (6-10)
4. Cincinnati (4-12)

AFC West
1. Oakland (11-5)
2. Kansas City (9-7)
3. San Diego (7-9)
4. Denver (7-9)

Here are my NFC picks for the upcoming NFL season:

NFC East
1. Philadelphia (11-5)
2. Washington (9-7)
3. New York (8-8)
4. Dallas (5-11)

NFC South
1. Tampa Bay (12-4)
2. Atlanta (10-6)
3. New Orleans (8-8)
4. Carolina (4-12)

NFC North
1. Green Bay (9-7)
2. Minnesota (9-7)
3. Chicago (7-9)
4. Detroit (4-12)

NFC West
1. St. Louis (13-3)
2. San Francisco (11-5)
3. Seattle (7-9)
4. Arizona (5-11)

The last new episode of Futurama aired tonight on Fox. It brings a tear to my eyes.... just like when they cancelled Shasta McNasty.

Good news! According to the idiots broascasting the Browns game on NBC last night, Browns rookie Lee Suggs is a football player. Well that's fantastic news. I'm happy to hear they didn't draft a tennis player. They were talking about the running game, and how depth may be an issue for the Browns because of Jamel Whites recent injuries, but they stated that there was good news, because Lee Suggs is a football player.

Terrific insight you freakin geniuses. I'm happy that you get paid to be such an insightful bunch of crap.

In other news, last night the Browns porous prevent defense did exactly what it is designed to do. It enabled the Titans to march up and down the field like they were playing against a bunch of first graders. 10 yard pass to the left, 8 yard run up the middle, 7 yard sweep to the right, 11 yard pass to the right, 7 yard pass to the left, 4000 yard quarterback draw. It's the same thing all the time. Defense sucks, offensive line sucks, William Green sucks, defensive backs suck, and Tim Couch doesn't suck, but that won't matter anyway, because Holcomb will be the new starter. Here's a great idea. Let's play more than one offensive lineman. Maybe then Couch would have more than ZERO seconds to throw the ball. Hey guess what... wide receivers are supposed to CATCH the ball. Last night Couch was 4 of 8 but he had 2 drops. The play calling was also noticeably different for Holcomb than it was for Couch. They were both in for 15 plays, but Holcomb got to throw downfield on 6 of them, and had 5 additional passing plays, with only 4 running plays. Couch got to throw downfield a whopping 1 time and had 7 short passing plays, with 7 running plays.

It seems obvious to me that they want Holcomb to win the job so that they can save some cash. Bah.

Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks

CLEVELAND, OH—Seated on the edge of his bed, Tim paused for 20 minutes with one sock on his foot and the other in his hand Tuesday. "Ugh, tired," he said who was otherwise silent from 6:30 to 6:50 a.m. During that period, Tim stared at the wall and teetered perilously close to a reclining position six times.

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! We need more shows like this!

The world of TiVo is pretty nice, however I find it's suggestions to be lacking. Every morning I check it and find out that it has recorded movies I have zero interest in, to go along with some show about hotels.

This morning the movie was Silver Streak (with Willy Wonka and Richard Prior). In the meantime it could have been recording something with Angie Everhart in it. She's the queen of late night B- movies.

Women not currently in my top ten list, who may soon be:

Keira Knightley
Salma Hayek
Catalina Larranaga

Four words:

Naomi. Watts.

Mullholland. Drive.

Has anyone played NCAA Football 2004 yet? I have 2002, and I had 2003. I didn't like the camera angles in 2003 -- it felt like I was playing football from the top of the scoreboard in the endzone... i.e. I was too far away. 2003 had some cool options though, like a trophy room, but I couldn't get past the camera. Does 2004 have a better camera? I know that they now have Sports Illustrated covers after every week, and that sounds cool, so I want to know if I should pick it up. 2002 is great, and I still play it quite a bit. I'm i the 36th season in dynasty mode in fact.

The Cleveland International Air Show is coming up Labor Day weekend. Is anyone interested in attending?

Crib Malt Liquor

Just like mom used to make.

I have about 10 months to determine what car I am going to purchase. I have virtually locked in on the 6 speed Infiniti G35 sedan, however I want to test drive other cars just so I can laugh at them.

On my list I have an Acura TL Type-S, a Mazda 6s, a Volkswagen GTI VR6, a Nissan 350 Z, a Mazda RX-8, and maybe the new Nissan Maxima.

Any other suggestions in the under $35K price range?

When teams (i.e. the Reds) start trading players primarily to get money in return, there is a huge problem. The money is only a temporary fix and in the process they are digging themselves a bigger grave to attempt to get out of. So far they've traded Williamson and Boone primarily for money (a total of $4.25 million) and the Guillen trade also had money involved. MLB should change the money structure of the game, or force out owners who cannot afford to play.

I know the only long term solution is a complete restructuring of the money part of baseball, but the owners and commissioner refuse to see that themselves. That said, there aren't many owners out there who will pay $110 million in salaries when their club is only bringing in $65 million in revenues.

Nice try Exlax!

There's a new trend sweeping baseball that I can't quite wrap my head around. It goes something like this:

Team 1 places a call to Team 2.

Team 1: Hey Team 2, you have this player that we would really like to have. It would be terrific if we could work something out, because man, I'll tell you... having this guy would go a long way to making us a legitimate World Series contender.

Team 2: Wow. That's really wonderful. I would love to help you out. Man. Gee whiz. Golly. That's just great.

Team 1: This is where it gets tricky though Team 2. I can't offer you anything of any value except for my enduring love and friendship, and maybe a gift certificate to McDonald's.

Team 2: Excellent! That's even more than I had hoped for. Wow. Love and friendship. What more does a baseball club need? Throwing a McDonald's gift certificate in just clinches the deal. Man alive! I've never been so happy.

Team 1: You know what Team 2? You're my favorite team ever! It's been a real pleasure to work with you in this trade.

Team 2: No, no, no! The pleasure is all mine. Please let me know if there are any more players of mine that I can give you. I really covet your friendship Team 1, and anything I can do to solidify that is ok by me.

Do I have anything to say? No.

Is that going to stop me from saying it? No.



A nail in the wall is better than two in the foot.

Apparently it has been decided that if Hurley hires me and gives me his house as a benefit, I will move to Indy. I will then trade Ryan for his house, and Mark can move in to his new house.

That way everyone gets what they want. I get a house. Ryan gets Mark's house. Mark gets a new house with a gigantic basement.

I just made the leap. I ordered my TiVo today. I'm not 100% sure that it's going to work with my digital cable box, and I'm not convinced that they are going to be around for more than 2 years, so I don't know if I should get the lifetime subscription... but I bought the unit anyway. I'll decide on the subscription later, and I'm sure I'll be testing different hookups to the current home theatre.

Who needs rookies? Not the Browns. Training camp has already started, and they have signed ZERO rookies. Does it matter that you cut your starting center last year because you drafted a new center in the first round? YES IT DOES. It matters because you still haven't signed the frigging guy and last year there was about as much cohesion on the offensive line as there is in that festering pit of mucus.

Since they don't have any rookies to worry about, I sure hope that Butch Davis makes them practice that good ole prevent defense he loves so much. I can't wait to see that scheme. Why not just announce it already that the whole year we'll just play prevent defense. Maybe we can start up a new offense too... the prevent offense. That is sure as heck what it looked like we were playing last year anyway.

Hey kids, I'm Butch Davis. My strategy is to score zero points and to let the other team gain 9 million yards a game but hope to keep them out of the endzone. And you know what boys and girls? I get paid a trillion dollars a minute to do that. Whoopee. I am so fantastic.

This just in: Ryan doesn't like fantasy sports because he is gay.

The Indians just played the fastest game in Jacobs Field history tonight. The game only took 2 hours and 4 minutes.

That's a spicy meat-a-ball!

No.... there's no competitive imbalance in Major League Baseball. The Yankees payroll is only $64 million higher than the SECOND highest team.

You can fit the payrolls of Oakland, Kansas City, Montreal, and Tampa Bay combined in the Yankees payroll.

Oh hey baseball.... there's no problem.

They should've taken their opportunity last year to break the union. When you lock out the players for 2 years and they aren't making $25M/year anymore, I have to believe they'll come back begging for a chance to make money for playing baseball.

100% revenue sharing is the answer.

You can read all about the bloated payrolls here.

What a rip off! I was expecting to see a new episode of American Chopper tonight and they showed a repeat.

I won't get to hear anything new about Paul Sr's size 12's.

Here you go! Here I am!
Uncle Moe -- thank you, ma'am!
This'll be a treat: Uncle Moe!
Here I am, while you eat!

I've been playing Sly Cooper and the Thievious Raccoonus for the PlayStation 2 the past couple of days. It reminds me a lot of the early Crash Bandicoots. It's fun and has a nice style to it. I'd have to say that it's one of the best games out on the PS2. Also, because no one bought it, it can be had for cheap. I'm sure you can probably find it for $10 at FuncoLand.

There are few things I enjoy more than being paged from work at 7:08 AM on a Saturday morning. One of them though, is being paged from work at 7:14 AM on a Sunday morning.

Here's the air show in summary form.

Hot.
B1
Hot.
Concrete.
B52.
Hot.
Sausage.
Hot.
Desert.
Dry.
Death.
Hot.

I'm going to the Dayton air show tomorrow, so again, my insightfully insightful insights will be unavailable.

Here's a fun little distraction. Go to www.google.com and type in "weapons of mass destruction" in the search field. Then hit "I'm feeling lucky."

Enjoy.

Ok, so I'm back from Texas now and you know what I've discovered? Keira Knightley is HOT! Check out these pictures from the premiere of Pirates of the Carribean if you don't believe me.

I was watching the Indians game tonight and they cut to a fan in the stands that had an Indians jersey on. His last name was Yankees and his number was 666. I thought that was clever.

Also, it is true.

And clever.

I'm flying to Texas tomorrow in order to cross off to more stadiums in my quest to see all the MLB stadiums. I'm seeing the Astros and the Rangers, so you'll have to do without my insightful updates for the whole weekend.

Did I mention yesterday that I was at the Indians - Yankees game yesterday and the Yankees only got 1 hit?

I'm with the Indians

Here, in Cleveland? I didn't know we still had a team!

Yeah, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great.

I'll be at the Indians game tonight when I should be at home watching LeBron's first game as a Cavalier. Oh wait. It's only summer league. Why would I want to watch developmental basketball when I can watch the lowly Indians play the sucky Yankees?

Answer: I wouldn't.

My predictions for tonight: Billy Traber goes 6 innings, gives up 7 hits, 4 runs, 2 walks, 3 strike outs. Jeff Weaver goes 7 innings, gives up 6 hits, 3 runs, 3 walks, 5 strike outs. Indians win in 37 innings by the score of 77 - 39. They will have quite an extraordinary 37th inning. The bullpens will be a little shaky for both teams though.

How sad a commentary on life in the U.S. is it that people are even wondering if Kobe Bryants arrest for sexual battery will help improve his shoe sales by giving him street cred? What kind of a society do we live in where it takes an arrest and a guilty charge to be respected on the streets? That's just pathetic.

I want a new car and the more I see of the 350Z the more I want one. The only problem I have with it is that it is completely impractical for me. Not only is it even smaller than the car I have now, but I'd have to keep my current car to drive in the winter.

Still though, I want a new car. I don't need a new car, but I certainly want one.

I saw 2 Fast 2 Furious, and I don't really have much to say about it. It was a better movie technically than the first, but it wasn't as fun as the first. What could've been the star of the movie -- the Nissan Skyline -- was instead relegated to a single scene. Boo.

This isn't something I would normally say, but today I enjoyed watching the Red Sox win.

Also, I'm still irritated that the freaking Indians traded away Karim Garcia for ZERO. NOTHING. NADA. EL SUCKO NOTTO.

I want to punch someone in the face, and that someone has a name that rhymes with Shmeorge Leinbrenner.

Bah.

It's July 4th. I'm going to be watching fireworks later, and then hopefully making fireworks of my own.

No really. Not the boom boom shake your rump type... real fireworks.

It's a dangerous job, but someone has to do it.

I just hope my new nickname isn't stumpy.

I played through another 2 seasons in NCAA Football 2002 last night. Chalk up two more perfect seasons for Purdue. Tiller is now 242-10 with 17 national championships. I haven't played an actual game for a long time. I like to do the recruiting more than anything else in that game.

A few seasons ago I made myself in the game, but I couldn't even recruit myself. I ended up going to Oklahoma.

Jerk.

I'm back from Cedar Point now. I had the best coaster ride I've ever had on Millenium Force yesterday. It was running fast (due to the heat) and I rode it at 11:30 PM. The lights were out, you could see the stars as you climbed the lift hill, and you couldn't see the bottom. It was fantastic.

I give the Cavs a D for the draft. Sure, they picked LeBron James. I'm obviously happy with that pick, but it was an absolute no-brainer. I give them a D because of the Jason Kapono pick. Didn't they pay attention the last time they drafted Jason Kapono? Last time his name happened to be Trajan Langdon. A guy who can shoot very well, but cannot create his own shot, cannot penetrate, and cannot play defense. What a piece of crap.

Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe his client wrote Stinky Britches ten years ago, and they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself. But ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, (pulls down picture of Chewbacca) this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense...Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense. But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case?...Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case...It does not make sense. Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense. And so you have to remember when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No. Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must acquit.

Did you see that Lisa Guerrero is in at Monday Night Football now? I know a lot of you were fanboys of Melissa Stark, but I never was. It'll be nice to see how Lisa G. does in the new role.

From my top 10 list to MNF... now if only we can get Elizabeth Hurley, Angie Everhart, and Paige Davis to follow suit...

I'm going to Cedar Point again on Monday, and apaprently Top Thrill Dragster will again be down. They say that the best estimates are that it will be down all week, but should be up for the July 4th weekend. How exactly does that help me?

A whole new world of Cavs basketball begins this Thursday. That's the day when the Cavs will select Brack Rayles with the number 1 pick in the draft.

I saw the Hulk today. It was ok. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. Of course, I never was a big fan of the Hulk, so maybe that had something to do with it. The Hulk himself looked better than he did in the commercials, but they used the trick of having a lot of fighting take place at night so that you can't really see him that well. Jennifer Connelly looked pretty good though, so that's a plus.

Ah, one other thing comes to mind that I didn't like. Whenever there were people talking they did these extreme close-ups on their faces. Half the time you couldn't see their chin or the top of their head. Why did they do that? I have no idea. I thought I was watching old episodes of Wayne's World.

Anyway, the Hulk gets a rating of 5. Would watch if it was on TV or someone else rented it.

I was watching the fight last night between Lewis and Klitschko and the gash that opened above Klitschko's eye had to be a half inch wide. It was horrible. It's unfortunate too, because he was beating Lewis. He had a chance to knock him down and possibly out as early as the second round. Lewis looked out of shape and looked like he had very shaky legs. He regained some of his composure later, but I still think he had a good chance of losing his belt if the fight continued.

That said, I think it was the right decision to stop the fight. As George Foreman said, there can always be a rematch but a man has to see for the rest of his life.

ESPN says that David West (national player of the year last year) from Xavier may slip into the second round because of some poor workouts. If that happens, I think the Cavs HAVE to draft him. I'd be extremely pleased with that pick. That would give them a huge starting lineup then.

PG - LeBron James - 6'8"
SG - Ricky Davis - 6'7"
SF - Darius Miles - 6'9"
PF - David West - 6'10"
C - Zydrunas Ilgauskus - 7'3"

I can only hope that the Raptors don't take the second round pick. I'm not sure exactly why they can, but it says that the pick may be conveyed to the Raptors.

I was reading this on ESPN and I found it to be hilarious. This is from an interview with Doug Glaville of the Phillies:


"Not enough attention is paid to the off-the-field motivators that create nasty on-field grudges," Glanville revealed. "I believe video atrocities top the list. Curt Schilling assassinated my lovable Dwarf Paladin in EverQuest, happily smiling as his character stood in the safety of the town guards. That can create serious internal friction.

"I believe we need to analyze some of the video atrocities committed on PlayStation2 or Dreamcasts, or even the Commodore 64, if we need to go back that far. Teammates play each other all the time on these platforms in baseball simulations, football and other head-to-head games. This creates all kinds of bad blood when the winner is not as gracious as he could be."

Until now, those games may have seemed like just innocent diversions. Now, however, we know different.

"I'm of the theory," Glanville said, "that this could be a key explanation as to why some players have tremendous success against certain other players. Like Todd Helton against Bobby Jones (10-for-16, 3 HR). Or Mike Redmond against Tom Glavine (16-for-25).

"Maybe Glavine beat Redmond in Madden Football, 73-0, and poured Gatorade over himself after the victory. Maybe when Bobby Jones was losing to Helton in NBA Live, he 'accidentally' knocked the cord out of the wall, claiming it was a 'power-surge problem.' We don't know these things, do we?"

You'd have to be an idiot to click here.

Has anyone playing Midnight Club II yet? I want to know how it compares to Gran Turismo 3. I realize they are two different types of games, but still... Is MCII a lot better than the original, or is it basically just Grand Theft Auto racing?

Are you able to customize your cars at all? Any info would be helpful.

I can't decide whether I should get Midnight Club II or wait for Need For Speed Underground. Since I am incapable of making my own decisions, I need you to make them for me.

I fell asleep last night at 6:30 PM and woke up at 7:30 AM this morning. Apparently I was tired.

Also, the Yankees suck.

If I ever open a restaurant I think I will call it "Pancakes and Prostitutes." I wouldn't actually sell either, but I think the name alone would be worth a lot of free publicity.

My pager goes off around 11PM tonight and the conversation went something like this.

Me: Yeah, this is Tim. Someone paged me.
Them: Hold on a second, I'm drooling all over myself.
Me: Ok, I'll wait.
Them: Your program is broken.
Me: Why?
Them: It won't accept my password.
Me: Is the caps lock key on?
Them: I'm retarded. Is the what key on?
Me: The caps lock key.
Them: Hold on, more drool.
Me: You are an idiot.
Them: I know.
Me: I was right wasn't I?
Them: I'm an idiot.
Me: I know.

Has anyone seen 2 Fast, 2 Furious yet? The first one was a bad movie, but I enjoyed it because of the cars (much like Gone In 60 Seconds). I want to know if I'll like the 2nd one for the same reasons.

The Spurs won the NBA title and did anyone care? I didn't even know that last night they could wrap it up. Granted, I've not been home for a few days, but still. I consider myself a fan of the NBA and I wasn't even aware that they were up 3-2 going into last night.

What does that say about the NBA? It can't possibly be good.

I'm back from Kevin's wedding. It was a nice ceremony and reception (although the bride and groom left before it was over). An added bonus was that Lisa Bettag looked fantastic. She gets a rating of 10/10 that day.

Hulk, this is Shrek. Shrek, this is Hulk.

Why do they look the same? The Hulk shouldn't look like he is made of plastic.

I think they should change the NBA Finals for this year. They need to make the games have 6 quarters so that one team might score more than 100 points.

Since MLB has decided to further screw up who gets homefield advantage in the World Series this year, I hope that they end up playing the All Star game for 35 innings and it ends up as a tie again. That way maybe they will finally realize how stupid it is to not give the team with the best record home field advantage.

Hey, let's alternate years. That sounds great. Hey, let's flip a coin. Whippee. Hey, lets play Rochambeau for home field. Ok.

Idiots.

My pager hasn't gone off in 32 1/2 hours. It's a new record.

Here's my review of Cedar Point. Important thing to note is that Top Thrill Dragster was down all day, but that it does appear to be very tall when you are standing right next to it.

Raptor - I felt that it was running too fast, due to the fact that it did not have it's trim brakes on because of the "enthusiasts" who prefer no brakes. I however, like Raptor to run with the trim brakes on, because it runs with less intensity. In my old age, I can't handle the extra G's that the increase in speed brings. Even though Raptor is #1 on my list of coasters, I give the rides on Friday a rating of 5/10.

Disaster Transport - They have supposedly added some 3D theming to the ride, and they have definitely fixed up the theming in the queue line. They had the air conditioning blasting throughout, and the black lights were in full effect. There are now less lights during the actual ride, so that helps it quite a bit. I give it a rating of 6/10. It's a nice ride to go on when it's hot outside.

Wicked Twister - It seemed to me that the launch was a bit faster than normal, causing us to come closer to the end of the ride. It's a good little ride, and the wait wasn't too long. 7/10.

WildCat - This was my first ride on the WildCat and I tihnk I've been missing out all these years. The cars are quite a bit bigger than I thought they would be and the ride is very fun. There are quick drops and turns all over the place. It's not the biggest or the fastest, but it's really fun. I give WildCat a 9/10.

Blue Streak - We sat in the second row and there was tons of air time. I think it was the most air time on Blue Streak that I can ever remember. I give Blue Streak a 8/10.

Cedar Creek Mine Ride - The Arrow mine trains are not meant for a person with long legs. I had to cross them at the ankles and stuff them as far under the seat as I could. That said, it wasn't all that uncomfortable. The ride is pretty smooth. Cedar Creek Mine Ride gets a 6/10.

Gemini Blue - We rode the blue train in the front, which is where I prefer to sit. It's much smoother there. It was in the rain however, so there was a bit of the feeling that we were going to fly right off the track. I like Gemini though. It's a quick line (as long as they run both trains) and that's always good. Gemini Blue gets a 8/10.

Gemini Red - We rode this train in the back. Because of the air time, and the whipping effect going over hills it bashed my shins quite a lot. I don't like the back on the Gemini anyway. The red train in the back gets a 4/10.

Magnum - I never really liked Magnum to begin with, so this ride didn't have much going for it. If you have short legs, you can get massive airtime, but again I am screwed because I can't lift my feet off the ground. The climb up to the top didn't seem to take nearly as long as I remember it, but that could be because I was distracted on the way up, which was good. I enjoy the pretzel helix, where you are nearly horizontal to the ground, and the return trip is full of tunnels and air time. I just don't enjoy it for some reason. Magnum gets a 5/10.

Millenium Force - This was the first ride of the day -- not exactly a small ride to start off the day. We had just eaten McDonalds about 30 minutes earlier also. This was the longest line of the day, but was still a short 30 minutes. I can recall trips where the lines were easily 4 hours long. I'm not at all intimidated by the Force anymore, and I don't know why that is. I remember I was going to have a heart attack in line for my first ride on it, but now I'm totally fine with it. It's very very fast, and the first drop is great from the front seat. We sat in the back though, so you don't get as much of that "falling out of the seat because the drop is so steep" feeling. Ryan apparently was dying though, but he did a good job of hiding that. The ride was a little slower than normal because it was still quite cold outside (it was 6:30 AM afterall), but still plenty fast to get the heart racing. I get Millenium Force a 8/10 on that day.

Overall the trip was very good. We got to ride everything I wanted to ride except for Dragster which was down. The lunch was pretty good, and the hotties were out in full force. If I go to Coaster Mania next year, I will definitely have to get more sleep.

I'm off to Cedar Point tomorrow. Hopefully I will come back alive, but I don't know if my body can take the new ride.

My prediction for the NBA Finals : San Antonio beats New Jersey 4 games to 2.

My second prediction for the NBA : I won't care about it until the day of the draft.

I've updated my playlist again. I added 26 minutes of music, but I have no idea which tracks I added.

I'm just full of useless information, aren't I?

This web page is brought to you by Def-Con Owl Traps.

Kills Owls Dead.

I have now seen the Matrix Reloaded. There were a few interesting ideas in there, but overall I get the impression that they were trying to force too many twists in the plot. Granted, there are only so many things you can do once you give Neo god-like powers in the Matrix, so maybe I am being too harsh. In my opinion though, nothing in the movie really sticks out in my memory. I feel like there weren't really any defining points to the movie. Some parts were entirely useless or just dragged out too long. For example, the Zion dance scene / Neo - Trinity love scene were about 5 minutes too long. The scene with the French guy who held the Keymaker was also useless. Especially the part where they do the "between the legs in the matrix" shot after that woman eats the chocolate cake. I can't think of any reason why that scene would belong in the movie. The whole docking sequence in Zion didn't really advance the story at all either, except to give an idea of what Zion looks like and what kind of security it has. In the first movie the Agents needed the codes to Zion's mainframes to get in. In this movie it just seems like they need something to blow up the machine guns guarding the gates. It doesn't seem all that hard to me.

A lot of people are saying how good the CG was for the burly man fight, but I wasn't all that impressed. I thought that it was very easy to pick out the fake Keanu Reeves and Hugo Weavings. The Neo CG especially didn't look all that hot. He looked like he was made of plastic during the entire fight. Nit picking aside, the special effects were quite good. I enjoyed the Twins, but don't think they got enough airtime.

For some reason some people seem to have a hard time figuring out the ending. It seems quite obvious to me. At the end, in the tunnel, they are obviously still inside of the Matrix. That is why Neo is able to stop the Sentinels. For all I know there may be 100 Matrixes inside of Matrixes. Maybe the "outside world" isn't messed up at all. Maybe all those people are actually just computer programs, just AI themselves, designed to test out next programs. Maybe it's all set in the present day at MIT or something. Maybe Neo is really just the first program that thought for himself. Maybe it is just the very first actual Artificial Intelligence. The Agents would then just be the rules of the program, built in by the programmer (who is most likely the Architect.) Maybe everything I said is just crap. Who knows. I guess we'll find out for sure in November.

All that said, the Matrix Reloaded gets a rating of : 7. Would ask for it as a gift because I might want to watch it again some day.

While I was on vacation I saw Bruce Almighty. The first 3/4 of the movie are hilarious. When his dog starts peeing and Bruce carries him outside (the dog is peeing the whole time mind you) I couldn't help but cackle with glee. It's easily the funniest movie I've seen in a long time. Once they get into the philosphy mode towards the end it becomes less entertaining, but because of the strong early showing the movie is definitely worth watching.

Bruce Almighty gets a rating of : 8. Would purchase if I was in the mood and happened across it.

It seems that I should start scheduling my vacations out of the state around important sporting events. For example, if I am out of Ohio from the beginning of the NFL playoffs to the Super Bowl, the Browns are guaranteed to win.

I leave town and the stupid NBA fixes it so that the Cavs get the #1 pick. What are the odds of that? Maybe the NBA knows something that Nike doesn't. Maybe LeBron James is going to be the next Bryce Drew. Whatever. I don't care.


(Bob Euker Accent In Major League) The Cavs win. The Cavs win. Oh my God the Cavs win it. I can't believe it. (/Bob Euker Accent In Major League)

I'm going to South Carolina tomorrow and coming back next Tuesday. By this time tomorrow I will finally know for sure that the Cavs are drafting with the number 5 pick.

I still secretly hope against hope though.

In my head though, I know that David Stern will never allow LeBron James to come to Cleveland.

I forgot to mention in my last post that I hate the Yankees.

In tonights games between the Nets and Pistons I have all the verbal evidence I need to claim that Bill Walton is just Keith Jackson with a different uglier body.

Whoooooooooooaaaaa Nelllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! Send it home K-Mart! There are no bankruptcies here!

Um, Bill, let's tone it down a little. Lay off the reefer. Let's try to add whatever feeble insight you can muster to the game. Failing that, just shut your pie hole.

I watched all 9 episodes of the Animatrix tonight. Some of the them were pretty good, like the Last Flight of the Osiris, and Detective Story. Some of the others were not as good, and felt tedious to get through. Overall, if you're a fan of the Matrix I'd say give them a viewing, but don't expect too much. I'm not a huge anime fan though, so overall the DVD gets a rating of 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do.

I saw Old School tonight. The first half of the movie was funny. Extremely funny I might even say. The second half though... not so much. I 'd have to rate the first half an 8: Would purchase if I was in the mood and happened across it. The second half though gets a 3: Would probably return it if I received it as a gift.

Overall, I could see the movie appearing on Comedy Central every other hour for the rest of our lives.

So no one other than Matt has seen the Matrix yet? Go outside or something.

Also, my baseball team sucks.

Ding, dong, the Lakers are dead. Long live the Lakers.

One day I would love to participate in the Gumball 3000 rally. Other than the $10000 in fines you are likely to accumulate, there is no downside... assuming that Ferrari that the police collected from you was your daily driver.

This just in : I have a bad attitude.

Hey sheep, post your sucky little Matrix Reloaded reviews here. Yes Mark, that includes the one you're "taking for a walk."

There's an interesting story here about a guy who sought out to get the lowest possible SAT score. The lowest possible raw score is a -36 (which no one has ever gotten to my knowledge), because you lose points for incorrect answers. The lowest possible adjusted score is 400 (which quite a few people have gotten.)

The funniest part was that he already has a masters degree from Harvard, but wanted his new low SAT scores sent to Cal Tech, MIT, Harvard, and a few others. I can imagine the laughs that the admissions people got from the student who was in the bottom 1% of US students.

What exactly would you say you do here?

Look, I already told you. I deal with the damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I'm a people person. I have people skills. What the hell is wrong with you people?

It seems that some people are expecting Matrix Reloaded to be the best movie since that one with Matt LeBlanc and the baseball playing monkey. I personally don't think it's going to be that good. I think it's just going to be mindless action, with no other substance. Part of what made the first Matrix so good was that there were some interesting ideas tied to the movie. Now though, we know all about the Matrix, so what new stuff are they going to put in there? Most likely nothing.

Sure, they'll have a lot more shots of Carrie Anne Moss, but is that going to be enough to carry the movie to greatness? Is it? I think not.

The movie will blow chunks, but that won't stop the sheep from going to see it just like they are told.

Someone write some interesting comments or something. I'm out of conversation.

School's out for summer. It's about freaking time.

Apparently Ben Affleck is making a movie called "The Battle of Shaker Heights."

Interesting.

I was discussing Rome, when my brain was sucked empty by the Pope's vacuum cleaner.

You know who's oddly hot? Winona Ryder in Mr. Deeds.

-- The Jackass Saga --

Tim : "Hey. Let's see this movie that has won critical acclaim."

Matt : "No thanks. I'd rather see this movie where they shoot bottle-rockets out of their butts."

Ryan : "Yeah, the bottle-rocket butt movie sounds better."

I have nothing to say. I'm just busy.

In order to fix the New York City budget problem I think they should raise the shooting and stabbing tax.

Heidi Collins... so hot. Want to touch the hiney.

Get your reservations for Cedar Point in soon.

Check out the specs for their new coaster here.

It appears that June 2nd and June 3rd are the top contenders for the date to go.

I can get discounted tickets for $26.99 each.

I won't even justify the movie Jackass with a review.

It gets a rating of 2. Would definately return it if I received it as a gift, and I'd smack the person who gave it to me upside the head.

New top ten time.

1. Elizabeth Hurley
2. Angie Everhart
3. Paige Davis
4. Heidi Collins
5. Natalie Portman
6. Rachel Leigh Cook
7. Ashley Judd
8. Famke Janssen
9. Jennifer Garner
10. Lisa Guerrero


Added to the list: Heidi Collins, Lisa Guerrero
Removed from the list: Traylor Howard, Brooke Langton
Close but no cigar: Jessica Simpson
Honorable mention: Nicole Kidman in the movie Birthday Girl

How do you go from a 1.58 ERA to a 5.56 ERA in one game? Just ask Danys Baez.

0 IP
3 Hits
5 Runs
5 Earned Runs
2 Walks
0 K's
1 Home Run

When the Lakers win the championship, the citizens of Los Angeles riot in the streets. When the Red Wings win the championship the people of Detroit further burn down their city When Ohio State beats Michigan the fans mace each other.

What I want to know is where are all the rioters and looters now? Come on... we kicked the crap out of Iraq. Loot! Pillage! Burn something already.

I don't care what you guys say... Heidi Collins is hot. Maybe you need to see her in action, instead of that one crappy photo. Watch CNN next Sunday around 3:30 PM.

I saw Daredevil this weekend. Four words come to mind... not enough Jennifer Garner.

It seems like the movie was about 20 minutes too short. They left out chunks of plot in order to move the story along... why exactly did Garner and Afleck hook up? They meet in a coffee shop, get into a fight on the school yard, and the next thing you know they're hooked up. Did I lose consciousness for part of the movie? It seems like it went from "Hey I kicked you in the groin." to "Hey let's make babies." pretty quickly.

The fight with Kingpin was also over way too fast. The Kingpin is supposed to run all crime in the city, yet you spray him with some water, kick him in the leg, and the fight is over in 2 minutes?. Hmmm.

More fighting, more Jennifer Garner, and more plot equals better movie.

Daredevil gets a rating of : 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do.

Take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and put them in the NBA and you have the new Cavs uniforms. The logo especially is quite stinky, like it was imported from France.

If the Cavs get the number one pick in the draft I will punch myself in the face with my brass knuckles on.

You have to wonder what monstrosity the Orient will unleash on humanity next. I mean, SARS, anime, Toyotathons...

Lionel Richie and Rob Zombie have done a remake of the Commodores Brick House.

Interesting combination.

Oh, you're interested in the Lincoln LS? What's that? You want a manual transmission? Can I interest you in the V6? No... you want the V8? Well.... I have this craptastic automatic for you then.

Yeah. That makes sense.

No matter how many times I see the new Maxima I still don't like it.

I want a new car though.

I need $30K.

Please donate.

Mmmm Bridget Moynahan. She's worth watching the Recruit all over again. The only problem is the movie starts off good and then gets better and then gets much much worse very quickly. If the middle was bad but the beginning and ending were good it would've been better, but the ending is just such a pile of crap that it wastes a perfectly good red-headed performance.

The Recruit gets a rating of : 5. Would watch if it was on TV or someone else rented it

My horoscope for the day: Someone will invite me to a karaoke party.

Your horoscope for the day: In spite of the circumstances that brought you together, it would deeply hurt the executioner if you took it personally.

I get to work this whole weekend because of a sucky deadline that I never agreed to. Yay. This isn't even my freaking project, but apparently I'm the only one with a hope of getting it done by Monday so I get stuck with it. Terrific.

Whoopee.

I think after every year the womens champion should play the mens champion in a "Loser gets their program eliminated as a sport" match. That way, eventually all womens athletics would be eliminated and they can get back to making babies and knitting sweaters.

Wouldn't that be great? No longer would we have to hear about how UConn womens basketball is the best sports program ever. Give me a break. Is there one player on that team that can dunk? Hello!!!! That makes them no better than big and slow me.

Can womens basketball be filled with any more ugly women? It's like watching a "I got hit in the head with a hammer" show. Damn it. If those girls were attractive then people might watch their useless sport.

Heidi Collins.

I was watching Fox News last night. As some embedded reporter was interview marines who had taken over one of Saddam's palaces, the Iraqi information minister was still idiotically saying that the US wasn't in Bagdhad. Apparently the Iraqi regime seems to think that we must be on a big sound stage and we're just faking the whole war and that the buildings in Iraq are collapsing for no reason.

The Indians home opener has already been postponed today because we are expecting 3 inches of snow. They moved it to tomorrow afternoon, which was originally an off-day. That means that the stadium will probably be half empty. After all, if I took off today to go to the game, I'm not going to take off another day to go to the real one.

Rock Chalk, Suckhawk!

What is up with ESPN Page 2's obsession with Jennie Finch? I don't even think she's that attractive. And how did Britney Spears beat the Bachelorette? What a crock.

Hey. It's not April Fools day anymore.

I just heard that Danny Almonte got called up from Little League to take over for Derek Jeter.

Yay.

LANGLEY, VA--The CIA announced Monday that it suspects Saddam Hussein's latest televised address was pre-recorded, pointing to its suspiciously dated reference to Nelly's "Hot In Herre," a rap hit from the summer of 2002.

"For the enemy invaders of Iraq, it soon will get truly hot in here," Hussein said in the speech, which was televised worldwide Monday. "No amount of clothing removal will be sufficient to withstand what awaits them on the battlefield."

Watching Fox News do live shots with people in Iraq can be amusing at times. First the guys lips are moving and words are coming out later, like it's Kung Fu Iraq. Next, they get the guy back on with properly moving lips and there's just 10 seconds of dead air and eventually the guy in Iraq asks "So.... do you want me to talk about anything?"

Gotta love live TV.

This just in: I'm engaged.

Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

You can read about it here.

Whatever that guy did seems to work. To go from $800 to $350 million in 2 weeks is pretty impressive. If he had insider knowledge, he'd have to have it in a lot of companies.

My vote is that he actually is a time traveller. You heard it here first.

That's it. I'm done. My bracket is finished. I can gain no more points.

Go [insert anyone except for Texas]! Woo!

You and me and baby minus me makes two.

I've added 35 more tracks to my playlist. I know that you're excited because of it. Check it out here.

It seems like I have picked the losing team in every close game so far in this tournament. In fact, I can only think of two (Maryland vs UNCW, and Arizona vs Gonzaga) where I've actually picked the team that won. I've got at least 10 games that I've lost by a total of 25 points.

I wonder if it's possible for freaking Texas to get any more calls. Oh you play for Texas? Well then, I didn't see that elbow to the head. Oh, you're a Long Horn? Hey, take as many steps as you want.

What a piece of crap.

That team just IS NOT GOOD!

Busy.

So busy.

I actually think I just strained my back, but it hurts like a *insert thing that hurts here*. If I sit straight up and breathe it feels like someone is punching me in my kidneys. Ow.

Did you ever get the feeling that you have ebola?

It makes my back hurt.

My vote for hottest news-woman goes to Fox News' Alisyn Camerota.

T.J. Ford is not going to be a good NBA player, I can guarantee it. Just watching him against Purdue I saw that every time he touched the all he was completely out of control. One leg was flailing in the air. His torso was twisting in every direction. If he tries that crap in the NBA he'll get a face full of fist. I can't wait.

I now want Butler to make the championship game, where, with any luck, they will lose to Arizona.

Thanks a lot Butler. You just completely screwed up my bracket.

After watching the war coverage last night, after the first missiles and bombs hit, it struck me that as they were showing live pictures of Baghdad the people driving around were obeying the stop lights. I have to believe that if I were there and buildings were blowing up near me, the last thing on my mind would be to obey the traffic laws. There weren't even any other cars around and they were still stopping at the lights.

How this happened I do not know, but I left Lisa Guerrero off of my top 10. Clearly a big oversight on my part.

How is it that other countries can be so blind and cowardly when it comes to their own ideas? There was unanimous support for giving Iraq one last chance to disarm, and if they didn't there would be "serious consequences." What exactly did they mean by serious consequences? Apparently France, Germany, Russia, etc meant "Hey. Stop that please. Hey. I mean it this time."

It's time to put up or shut up. You're either committed to a free world, or you're not.

Frenchie Le Gay.

Service engine soon.

Those comments are stupid. I request that they be stricken from the record.

Problems with Iraq? Problems with Iran? Bomb 'em both and tell them you have spelling problems.

Problems with some countries on the security coucil? Beat them around a little bit, toss 'em a few million dollars, and tell them to call back when they want a rematch.

What's that France? You're a bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys?

Top 10 women I'd like to date, assuming they were single of course, and that they'd be able to handle my stardom.

1. Elizabeth Hurley
2. Angie Everhart
3. Famke Janssen
4. Paige Davis
5. Natalie Portman
6. Rachel Leigh Cook
7. Ashley Judd
8. Brooke Langton
9. Jennifer Garner
10. Traylor Howard

Honorable mention goes to that girl in the Listerine commercial, where she has to use it for 30 seconds, and then she winks at the end. I have no idea what her name is.

I'm beginning to think that the turn signal must be optional equipment on newer model cars. It seems like no one has one anymore... Maybe they just haven't been properly trained on the extremely arduous process of moving the left hand in a up or down motion when it's at the 9 o'clock position on the steering wheel.

Apparently the House of Representatives has nothing better to do than rename french fries and french toast to freedom fries and freedom toast.

There's a very interesting article in the London Guardian newspaper detailing the capture of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It seems that someone in al-Qaida sold him out for the $25 million reward. You can read about it here.

It seems to me that the reason the rest of the world doesn't want to oust Sadaam is all about the money. The French sold him illegal nuclear reactor parts, and they don't want to admit it, so they pretend that the war is not necessary and inspections are working fine. The Germans set up an illegal oil pipeline for him, so they pretend everything is fine... no problems here. The Russians are owed billions from past ventures, so they don't want to upset the apple cart and risk not getting their money. The Chinese sold him missile technology that was illegal for Iraq to have, so they don't want to get caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

There's an interesting policy happening in the world... they claim that the U.S. is taking a unilateral approach to Iraq. Hmmm, seems to me that there are quite a few countries supporting us in this unilateral approach... last I counted, it was something like 50. Then when it comes to North Korea, the world wants the United States to handle it by themselves. Why is that? Hmmm, I think it's because Europe is predominantly full of blowhards who will do and say anything to stay in power. What's that? Today the wind is blowing in favor of anti-war protests? I'm anti-war! Give peace a chance! What just happened? Now they want to oust Sadaam? Hey, I've wanted to oust him for 10 years! Oh, the anti-war people are back. The inspections are working! The inspections are working! Hmm, North Korea is making enriched Uranium? Bah, let the Americans handle it. What? The U.S. wants other countries to get involved in the situation? No way, they need to take care of it.

Whatever is convenient for them at the time is what they believe in. Most of the world leaders seem to have no backbone of their own. They have no right to bitch and complain about how we bring freedom, justice, and security to the world while at the same time enjoying the fruit of our efforts.

I've added a new attempt at humor based on government signs. They're supposed to be very serious, like what to do in the event of a chemical attack or something like that, but frankly, they look ridiculous, so I've added some new comments of my own. You can check out the page here.

I just got back from the Auto show, and unfortunately the G35 coupe is too uncomfortable for me. The bolsters on the seat are too tall for me. The sedan doesn't have that problem though, and the good news is that they just came out with a 6-speed in the sedan. It looks like they era of coupes for me may be coming to an end.

The world is entirely too serious a place currently. We're getting ready to take out Sadaam, and the North Korean leadership is trying their hardest to provoke us into attacking them so that they can then turn around and say to the world "Hey, look at the Americans, they're trying to conquer the world." The problem is that we're not falling for it, and I don't know how much more aggressive the North Koreans are going to get. It seems clear to me that their president is a complete lunatic. He doesn't care about the people living in his country, he only cares about his power. He's willing to literally starve his country to death to feed his ego. It's people like that that are the true problem in the world. Clinton made the huge mistake of basically paying Kim Jong-Il off in 1994, and that only made him more dangerous. He thinks that he can now get away with anything, because Clinton didn't have the backbone to stand up to him back then. I think that Kim Jong-Il is the type of person that would initiate a war with no regard to calamity that would follow.

All work and no play makes me something something. Go crazy? Don't mind if I do.

Based on suggestions, I am now the proud owner of a brand new pair of Russian brides named Svetlana Marie and Borschty Sue.

Must.....spend.......money.

Can't......decide.......what.........to............get.

Send help.

I read a quote about the Indians today that I thought was great... "This roster is so ugly, you could dip it in batter and make gorilla cookies."

I went to the Cavs game today. I had the best tickets I've ever had, and probably the best tickets I ever will have. I could've reached out and punched the ref in the back if I had wanted to. The first half was pretty good... they were down by 4 to Orlando at the end of the first half. Then at the end of the third quarter, they were down by 31.

Hey, you can't win 'em all.

Me: You know, you could trade Tyrone Hill, since he's not playing anyway.

Jim Paxson: Yes, we could do that.

Me: You probably should think about taking one of those ten offers.

Jim Paxson: Yes, I will think about that.

Me: Why did you cut Tyrone Hill instead of trading him? You could have at least gotten a second round pick for him.

Jim Paxson: Because I wouldn't want to risk getting something useful. I prefer to trade known quantities for nothing, or next to nothing. That's how I operate. Whee! Look at me! I am a general manager in the NBA!

I've been a busy little beaver at work lately, and thus haven't been able to spew my stupidity as much as in the past. I'm sure that will change soon though.

Expect more stupidity shortly!

For now, my picks for the #1 seeds in the NCAA tournament are Kentucky, Oklahoma, Texas, and Duke. I think Louisville, Arizona, and Kansas are all over-rated, although I do have to commend the Jay Hawks for their furious comeback against Oklahoma. The problem for them could be that the failed comeback took a lot out of them emotionally.

It's readily apparent to me that Kobe Bryant is only interested in his numbers now. Two games ago, with the Lakers up by 10 with 8 seconds left, he ran it up court and got off a shot so that he could have 40 points against the Pacers. If I were the Pacers, I'd make sure that next game I pop him in the mouth.