Saturday, January 31, 2004

How much more can possibly be said about the Super Bowl? How about this... it's going to be boring! Why don't the "analysts" just come right out and say it. It seems like every show on ESPN for the past 2 weeks has been a repeat. I don't need to hear what you think every day for 2 weeks straight. It never changes! If you tell me once, I won't forget, but I also won't care.

All I have to say is that the commercials had better be good.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Super Bowl Sunday... I predict a close game, or a blowout. It might also be somewhere in between. The Panthers will definitely win though. Unless the Patriots win.

I would take the Panthers plus the points though. If it's close, they win. It's that simple.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Look at this freaking clown. If I saw that on my cereal I'd ask my mom why she wanted to kill me. When I'm eating breakfast I don't want to feel like the killer clowns from outer space are just waiting for me to eat the arsenic.

At first I thought Ryan was stupid. I was right. Eventually I came to agree with him though.

I like the Infiniti FX series. I normally hate all things SUV, but the FX is so different from any SUV that I can allow myself to like it.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone is throwing up.

Have you ever been so enraged that while you were beating someone about the skull, you suddenly projectile vomited on them? If so, you are a weirdo.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Good news. I'm only one bonus away from new car time. The next bonus isn't until the end of May though, but that's perfect. I can buy myself a new car for my birthday. Combine that with Hurley's promise to get Keira Knightley to jump out of my cake and I'll be a happy camper.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

I just freaking got summoned for jury duty. That's just great. Not like I had anything better to do.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Teacher : Here's your map quiz. All you have to do is name the countries on this blank map. Everyone should get an A.

Me : Cool, this will be easy.

Teacher : Here is the list of countries... proceeds to rattle of 85 (EIGHTY-FIVE!!!) countries!!! 85!

Me : Suck. This does.

Teacher : You are my bitch.

Me : True.

Where the freak is Mauritanius? It's somewhere out there. According to me it's floating in the middle of the ocean. Right next to Atlantis.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Come. On. The Cavs traded Darius Miles for Jeff McInnis (the great white hope that happens to not be white?) and Ruben Boumtje Boumtje (hooray). Why do we need a stiff that plays zero minutes a game? Why do we need another point guard that is simply adequate? Unless their contracts are up after this season, I have no idea why they made this trade. They couldn't get anything better for Miles? Nothing? Not even a draft pick? Come on. How about some cash or at least some nachos. Maybe a deal where every time the Cavs score 100 points this year the Blazers had to buy all fans in attendance a hot dog. How about something like that?
Way to go France! Instead of actually tracking down terrorists, you are just preventing them from growing any facial hair. Wow. I feel much safer now. Let me know how that works out for you. The first facial hair free country in the world. Brilliant.

Now if only they would make their womens armpits and legs hair free zones also they might be on to something.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

On my way to class tonight I hit a pot hole that was at least the size of Rhode Island. I thought for sure that my driver-side wheels were going to fly off and beg for mercy before they self-destructed. It was ridiculous. Then I got to class... the first day of class mind you, and the freaking professor is going insane. The class is Tuesday and Thursday from 8:00 PM - 9:50 PM and on the FIRST DAY OF CLASS she kept us until 10:00 PM. First. Class. Stay. Late. What the crap? She didn't even get to the syllabus yet. No one wants to watch a video on the first day of class. Here's what we want to do... we want to go tend to our vehicles and nurse them home on only two wheels.

There are a few prospects in the class though - specifically two. One appears by her name to be a foreign national or at least a newly immigrated individual. Her name had at least 9 consonants in a row. Something along the lines of Pdzgdnksky Hwylingerburgerstenskicleinsmith. The other actually bears resemblance to my hot professor from last semester. That bears some investigating.
I get to order my new laptop tomorrow. Yay for me. I'm leaning towards the Dell Inspiron 8600. It has a wide screen monitor so I can finally watch my DVD's as intended, and it has the fastest hard drive available on a laptop... a glorious 7200 RPM. Oh how I have waited so long to hear that.

Monday, January 19, 2004

The Iowa Caucus is a 4 step process.

Step 1: Voters arrive at their assigned voting areas in each of Iowa's 1993 precincts.

Step 2: Voters place their votes according to their preferred candidates.

Step 3: Those candidates receive delegates at the Democratic National Convention.

Step 4: That candidate loses in a landslide to President Bush.
School starts again tomorrow. I'm so excited. I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control. I think I despise it.

The only possible positive to this semester can come in the form of my uber-hot professor reprising her role. Without that, I'm simply stuck in the worlds of business communication and politics of the third world. Whoopee.

Friday, January 16, 2004

So Ryan got a new car. Again. I think that marks his 3rd car in 4 months. It must be nice to be so fantastically loaded that you use your cars as though they are disposeable.

What shall we drive today sir? The Bentley?

No thank you Geeves, I've tired of the Bentley. Please dispose of it. I'm weary of looking upon it.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

I think Angie Harmon is hot. I don't care what Ryan says.
It is so so cold here, but my stock is so so hot. The stock is up 125% in the past 12 months but the temperature is down 84% just in the past 12 days. Oh well, you win some and you lose some.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

The MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) has tracked down their first case of a move screener being leaked for download on the Internet. They have begun to place unique visible and invisible watermarks on each copy that goes to a screener. By locating these watermarks they tracked this particular copy to a 69 year old actor - Carmine Caridi.

You know when I was a lad you could trust a stranger to watch your house when you were on vacation, but seems that now even 69 year old actors can't be trusted not to digitize and upload screeners they get sent to the Internet.

These geriatric hooligans are ruining the Internet for the rest of us. The problem is they've got time on their hands, they retire and if they're not out on the streets selling drugs, they're at home violating copyrights on Kazaa.

Have they no shame!

I say bring back compulsory military service for the over 60s. They need a dose of good-old military discipline to whip them into shape.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Justin Lash on 8/11/03 :

Besides the fact that the Giants have no one to play the right side of the o-line, they are pretty good. In fact, if they only go 8-8, I will soil myself. Additionally, if they finish behind the Redskins as you suggest, I will soil myself and then fling it in the general direction of Cleveland.

I hope you've been eating a lot lately, because I expect some soiling to take place soon. Also, let me know when I should bring an umbrella with me so I don't get hit with flying feces, as I notice the Giants only mustered a paltry 4 wins as opposed to the 8 I predicted... thus placing them behind the crappy Redksins.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Bad news for those who may not have heard:

Purdue Boilermakers offensive tackle Butler to forego senior season
Gold & Black Illustrated Staff
Tuesday, January 6 2004

Junior offensive tackle Kelly Butler said Monday that he will forego his senior season at Purdue and make himseld eligible for this year's NFL Draft. "I'd been thinking about it throughout the season and figured this was my opportunity to go ahead and make the jump," said Butler, who is already training in Arizona. "We had a good year this year. This is a good opportunity for me. It feels like the right time." The 6-foot-8, 320-pounder started every game of his Purdue career after breaking into the starting lineup at right tackle as a redshirt freshman in 2001. He started 38 games.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

After completely blowing it in the first overtime by allowing the play clock to expire before getting off what would have been the game winning field goal, they did the near impossible and overcame the emotion of that moment combined with giving up 11 points to St. Louis to tie the game up in the 4th quarter and the fact that the Rams had won 14 in a row at home. Carolina won it when my player - Steve Smith - caught the game winning touchdown. Way to go Steve.

Friday, January 9, 2004

Did anyone else see that Ted Waite (the CEO of Gateway computers) offered $10 million in scholarship money each to LSU and USC, with another $10 million going to the winner of a proposed game between them. The NCAA turned it down though. I personally think that is a novel way to try to arrange the game, but as usual the NCAA is stupid.

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

Yet another car has struck my fancy at the Detroit Auto Show. The Hyundai HCD8 actually looks like an Aston Martin to me. I especially like the interestingly styled lights. I never would've thought that I'd like a Hyundai, but I actually do like this car and the Tiburon GT.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004

Money to spend, money to spend. What thou shalt I spend thee on? I feel as though I don't have enough electronics in my life. Pioneer has announced a 102 Hr TiVo combined with a DVD-RW drive, so instead of recording off to a video tape, you can store 4.7 glorious gigs on your nearest DVD. Sounds promising, but at $800 I think I'll wait a year or ten. A more practical thing would be to buy a lifetime subscription for my TiVo instead of my current monthly subscription.

I could get an Alpine in-dash car DVD player with LCD, but the question is, do I really need to watch DVD's in my dash? Yes. The real question is, do I really want to pay for that pleasure? Maybe not.

I need some new shoes too. Ryan recommends the Saucony Grid Hurricanes I believe. I was satisfied with the last two pairs of Saucony's that I got, so maybe I'll give them a try.

I was watching a show called Rides on TLC tonight. They following the construction of the new concept Shelby Cobra. I have to say, it looks pretty nice. From the side I find it to be very similar to a BMW Z4. That's not necessarily a bad thing though, as that's one of the few BMW's I like.

The Detroit Auto Show is going on now, and while there aren't any (in my opinion) wild vehicles this year that compare to the Tomahawk last year, there are some nice new vehicles. I like the Chrysler ME Four-Twelve, Chevy Nomad, the C6 Corvette, and the Acura HSC. The Dodge Sling Shot looks promising, but it needs more engine. I don't like the Ford Five Hundred, the Honda IMAS, or the Honda Kiwami.

Monday, January 5, 2004


The couple that claims to have won the $162 million lottery has now lost the ticket. There is speculatiuon that the ticket blew away. Could this be my doing? I say yes. If only I would have opened my windows! Poop!

The lottery commission says that it doesn't matter who purchased the ticket, only who has the ticket at the time of redemption. Come on big money.
Mookie was here for a few hours yesterday. We re-lived college by promptly eating roughly 1 pound of cheese and then attending Taco Bell. It was good. Matt then had the idea that if he had $100 million he would buy A-Rod and make him do his dishes. Easily the best spent money ever.

Why does Ashley Judd look so much better when she's dressed as a fan at a UK game?

Britney Spears got married this weekend. The big question is.... did she consumate the marriage.... with me.... I think the answer is clearly no.

TV Show that is nearing a spot in my season pass list : Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

One hot woman that you haven't heard of : Sarah Shahi.

Angie Everhart is now a pseudo-celebrity on the new Celebrity Mole show. That's gotta be good for her career. I mean, look who else is on it! Dennis Rodman! Steven Baldwin! Someone else! Three people that are easily among the movers and shakers in entertainment. Oh Angie, how you continue to dissapoint me.

Pete Rose admits betting on baseball? Shocking. Pete Rose admits betting on the Reds? Shocking. Pete Rose admits talking to his booky while deciding which pitcher he should put in to give up the game winning home run? Not so shocking. Pete Rose admits a torrid affair with Marge Schodt? Not un-expected. Seriously, who in America did not know that Rose bet on baseball? He accepted his punishment: a lifetime ban from baseball. Now he wants in? Too bad. You're B-A-N-N-E-D. For life. Get used to it. El no more-o baseball-o.

Sunday, January 4, 2004

Jason who? This is the guy that won the Heisman Trophy? Give me a break. Apparently all you have to do is pressure him and he completely falls apart.
The BCS commissioner recently commented that a playoff system is not even one of the options that they will be discussing when they talk about BCS changes for next year. Why is it so hard for them to comprehend that a playoff is the solution that everyone wants? I suppose they are thinking that if a team goes on the road for 3 weeks then their fans won't be able to afford to travel to all of those places. That is the only possible thing that makes sense. For example, if Purdue was in the 8 team playoff and their first game was in Tampa. I might be able to go to that game, but if they win and end up in the Rose Bowl after that, I almost certainly wouldn't be able to go to that game. Assuming they win that one and then had to go to New Orleans for the national championship game, how many fans will be able to travel there? The fans would have to hope for the best, or just go to one game and forget the others. That would certainly cut down on the number of fans at each game.

Saturday, January 3, 2004

It's almost time to return to regularly scheduled programming... My mom is leaving tonight after a 2-week stay, and I go back to work on Monday, so things will be back to normal. Mookie is coming in for a few hours on Sunday, so that should be fun.

Over the break I saw Lord of the Rings : Return of the King. It gets a rating of 10. Definite Purchase It was really good... better than Two Towers I thought, but not as good as Fellowship. Most people seem to disagree with me on that and think it was the best of the three, but most people are wrong.

I also completely destroyed the new Mario Kart. There is nothing left for me to do in order to show my dominance, with the possible exception of me lifting my leg on it as if it were a fire hydrant.

The Purdue game was disappointing, but I'm actually proud of how they came back. The seniors finally showed up and played with some pride and salvaged the game. Orton missed a wide open receiver in the left corner of the endzone at the end of overtime however. The TiVo clearly shows there is no one within 10 feet of him.

There is a new poker table in my sports room, and it was christened on New Years Eve. I promptly was the first one to lose all their chips however, so I hope to re-christen it in a winning fashion soon.

Someone in South Euclid (about 10 miles from me) bought a winning power ball ticket worth $132 million, but they have yet to claim the money. Maybe the winds of fortune will blow the ticket out of their hands and into my window. Oh the fortess of solitude I could buy with $132 million... complete with peasants and big breasted peasant women feeding me grapes.

The Cavs have no offense to speak of. I imagine it goes something like this in the huddle during a time out :

Coach Silas : OK, here's the plan. I want you bring it up the court so slowly that you barely make it over half-court before a 10 second violation. After that I demand that you all stand so still that the fans can mistake you for maniquins. When, and only when the shot clock gets to 2 seconds may you start to dribble. If you want to turn it over before that though, that's your perogotive. If there are more than zero passes before a shot you will be benched. That is all.

The Browns did the only sensible thing they could do during the last week of the season... win a game and therefore move down 5 spots in the draft. Terrific.

USC beat Michigan. I don't care. Mike Williams is very good. That's the best admission that USC will get out of me. Shut up Pete Carroll.

Ohio State sucks.

It's 55 degrees here in Cleveland on January 3rd 2004. That can only mean that the average temperature for the rest of the year will be -155 degrees to make up for it.