Monday, December 27, 2004

Did you know that in your lifetime...

According to the National Safety Council

You have a 1 in 64,788 chance of dying due to hot tap water.

You have a 1 in 284,071 chance of dying due to changes in air pressure.

You have a 1 in 31,836 change of being squished to death.

There is good news though. According to the NSC, you don't have to worry about being crushed to death by a miscellaneous reptile any time in your life.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Every commercial on TV is for a prescription drug. I can't watch TV for 4 minutes without thinking I have 5 serious diseases.

"Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"

Oh crap, I have this, I have to write this down. Whatever this is, I have this.

Half of the time you don't even know what the commercial is for. There's people running through fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. They always look like the most fun diseases ever. How can I go about getting one of those?

Friday, December 24, 2004

Fantastic news. The first asteroid that I can ever remember having a Torino scale value of 4 was announced today. Say hello to 2004 MN4. It's capable of causing regional devastation with a blast 40 times more powerful than the most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated and it has a 1 in 43 chance of hitting us.
Merry Christmas everyone and go easy on the egg nog.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

It's the second day of Winter and we've already got a foot of snow on the ground. Some parts of northern Ohio will apparently get 20 inches. Fantastic.

Normally I wouldn't mind, except that on this particular day my family is driving up from South Carolina and will be doing so for multiple hours in white-out conditions and mixed sleet. Great.

They should be here in about 3 more hours, so hopefully they'll make it with no problems.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Why is Syracuse even in a bowl game? They're horrible. I realize that Akron is the only bowl eligible team that didn't get an invite, so why don't they fly out at half time and replace Syracuse. They certainly couldn't do any worse.

Monday, December 20, 2004

So Vince Carter tipped off the Super Sonics during a game. Here's how I envision the conversation going:

Vince Carter: "Hey guys, I gotta tell you something."
Super Sonics: "What's that?"

Vince Carter: "I suck."
Super Sonics: "We already knew that you fool."

Vince Carter: "Oh yeah? Well I'm also over-rated."
Super Sonics: "Tell me something we don't know."

Vince Carter: "Okay. I will. We're going to run the high screen and roll to the right. I'm going to fade to the corner and kick it back to the key. What do you think about that bitches?"
Super Sonics: "Thanks for the info."

Saturday, December 18, 2004

The hot stove league never disappoints and also never fails to point out the payroll imbalances. Does anyone really think that if Oakland had $100 million more a year to spend that they would have traded Hudson and Mulder? Obviously not.

My prayer is that President Bush steps in, kicks out Fehr and Selig, and installs a salary cap, strict drug testing, rookie pay depending on where you were picked (ala the NBA), and stiffer penalties for teams signing free agents.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I have way too much Christmas shopping left to do. It will be pretty sad if I have to take a vacation day in order to get it done.
Get your Washington Nationals souvenirs while you can. If they move, I predict that any item with a Nationals logo will be selling through the roof.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I applaud what Washington DC is doing in regards to MLB. Is it really so unreasonable to ask the team to pay for half of the stadium costs? Who gets the benefits from a new stadium. I do believe it's the team. Why shouldn't they have to pay for half of it?

This whole argument irritates me greatly. Why should taxpayers pay for new stadiums at all? If they do pay, then they should get some of the freaking revenue. I understand the whole argument of "well a new stadium brings new people, which brings in new businesses, which makes more money for everyone." Well that doesn't always pan out. Look at Detroit. Do you think the area around Comerica is thriving? I sure don't. It looks to be as dead and run down as it has always been.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Things I've bought for myself for Christmas so far:

Window tint for my car
Moon roof wind deflector for car
Another TiVo
USB ethernet for another TiVo
Spider-Man 2 DVD
Lord of the Rings Return of the King DVD
Enviracair Humidifier
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for PS2
Bomberman Generations for GameCube
Sly Cooper 2 for PS2

I might be done buying myself things, but I'm not sure yet.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I don't think I ever posted a picture of what my car looks like now that I've tinted it and added the moon roof wind deflector, so here it is.

Monday, December 13, 2004

The Browns.

They are good.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

There comes a point in time when you have to stop being called a pessimist and start being called a realist. I think for me that time is now. I said that Purdue would go 7-4 this year. They did. I said the Browns would go 5-11 this year. They'll be lucky to be that good. Everyone said how I was crazy because both of those teams were better than that. Apparently I'm not crazy. Apparently I'm just good at predictions.
I just got back from seeing Trans-Siberian Orchestra at the Gund. The light, laser, and pyro coreography were great. At times the guitars drowned out everything else, and there were some echoing problems with the singing. Other than that it was good. I especially liked O Fortuna from Carmina Burana. At the end of the show they played a rendition of Cleveland Rocks, which it of course does. We had a limo take us to the concert and bring us back, so that was nice too. We didn't have to deal with traffic or parking hassles.

I'd give it a 7 out of 10.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

I saw Oceans Twelve today. I disagree with those that say "If you liked Ocean's 11 you're like Oceans 12." I thought 11 was great and had a very slick coolness attached without. In 12, the characters were all back, but the story was MIA. It wasn't slick. It wasn't cool. It wasn't anything but a disappointment. The whole bit with cast member X playing cast member X in real life was contrived and didn't advance the movie at all. The so-called great cameos weren't great, they just seemed like a big failed inside joke. Blah.

4 out of 10.

Friday, December 10, 2004

I won. I finally won at poker. Too bad it was only with 7 people. Not bad though. I walked away with $80. I finished in 2nd once and 3rd twice, but this is my first victory.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

One final down, one to go. Finishing early gives me the opportunity to watch the Purdue - Oklahoma basketball game. It's 3:30 into the game and I finally know the name of one Purdue player. Not his first name granted, but a name that I could yell out and he might look.

Hey Ford! Step it up out there!

Monday, December 6, 2004

Here are my picks for the best bowl games to watch and predicitions for each:

Sun Bowl
Purdue - 41
Arizona State - 30

Liberty Bowl
Louisville - 51
Boise State - 38

Outback Bowl
Georgia - 24
Wisconsin - 20

Orange Bowl
USC - 28
Oklahoma - 26

Sunday, December 5, 2004

The BCS: Bring College Football one year closer to a playoff.

Saturday, December 4, 2004

I'm feeling a little scrawny right now. Does anyone know where I can get some flakseed oil? Maybe I can also use some cream for my arthritic knees.

If my head happens to become the size of a watermelon or my biceps increase in size by 40 inches, it surely must be because of my workout regimen.

Thursday, December 2, 2004

I think it's high time Iraq adopted our colored homeland security level scheme.

Monica Crowley. Me likey. Laura Ingraham. Me likey too.

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Why wasn't I even aware that Purdue was in the Big Ten - ACC challenge?

Oh, that's right.

They suck.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Ken Jennings lost on Jeopardy today. After a 74 day run. I guess that's reason enough to now cancel my TiVo season pass of Jeopardy.

The crowd actually gasped when they saw his wrong answer in final Jeopardy and then they gave him a standing ovation.
Before the start of the 2002 NFL season...

I'm Butch Davis and you're not. We made the playoffs last year. If you make me the general manager, surely we will go to the Super Bowl.

Before the start of the 2003 NFL season...

I'm Butch Davis and you're not. Okay, so we had a down year. It happens. We had some injuries. Surely if you make me the president of football operations, these problems will go away.

Before the start of the 2004 NFL season...

I'm Butch Davis and you're not. Look. Last year was an abherration too. It was Tim Couch. Tim Couch is terrible. It is all Tim Couch's fault. If he had mobility, we would have won the Super Bowl. Trust me. We need Jeff Garcia. Yeah. That's it. Get me Jeff Garcia and man oh man, watch out NFL. Down with Tim Couch. I hate that guy. I want Garcia. Super Bowl! Woo, woo! We're a train baby, and ain't nothin you can do to stop us now. Woo, woo!


I'm Butch Davis and you're not, I'm cut.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I'm heading for the airport in about 30 minutes. I'm heading to South Carolina for Thanksgiving.

Everyone out there, have a good and safe Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

I think it's safe to say the the ESPN simulation was a bit off. I, on the other hand, nearly predicted the exact winning margin. I had Purdue winning by 28, and instead the won by 29. That means I'm better than you.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Here is the ESPN simulation of the IU - Purdue game today. I personally don't think it will be that close. My prediction is 38-10 Purdue.

Friday, November 19, 2004

I assume you all saw the craziness in Detroit between the Pacers and the Pistons. What the freak was that? Fans throwing everything they can grab - including chairs - onto the floor and at the Pacers. Fans running on the court and cold-cocking Pacers players. Players charging into the stands and beating fans down. That's completely ridiculous.

Something needs to be done. If that means that the first 20 rows of the Palace must be empty for games, so be it. If that means that there must be 300 police surrounding the court, so be it. Violent interaction between fans and players should NEVER happen.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I promise to take photos eventually. I'll probably have to wait until Saturday though. I have no way to take pictures until after work, and it's dark by then.

The tint cure is coming along nicely, although they'll have to re-do the drivers side front window. There are some scratches there, and they need to go away.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

25 steps to happiness.

9:30 AM in a random state near you, on a day much like yesterday.

Step 1. A deer decides to cook himself at a substation. Hooray for lack of power!
Step 2. UPS's kick in inside the server room.
Step 3. Heat goes up 5 degrees every 10 minutes in the server room due to lack of air conditioning.
Step 4. Drives start failing on foundry server.
Step 5. Mayhem.
Step 6. Power down foundry server, hoping heat caused the issues.
Step 7. Fire up the generator to power fans for the server room.
Step 8. Power comes back on 30 minutes after initially going out.
Step 9. Power on foundry server.
Step 10. Everything looks fine. That's a big relief.
Step 11. Another drive failure on foundry server.
Step 12. RAID backup kicks in.
Step 13. We're OK.
Step 14. Cascading drive failures on foundry server.
Step 15. We're totally and completely screwed.
Step 16. Rebuild server. Keep in mind that we are 24/7 and the cluster hasn't arrived to replace foundry and dip yet.
Step 17. More cascading drive failures. Yay.
Step 18. Rebuild server using replacement disks.
Step 19. See step 17.
Step 20. Get rid of the damn PERC controller. Bastage.
Step 21. See step 18.
Step 22. Reinstall SQL and restore databases.
Step 23. Go home at 9:30 PM.
Step 24. Get paged in the middle of the night.
Step 25. I'm happy! Look how happy I am.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I'm getting my pimp on tomorrow.

A new law was passed in Ohio that allows you to have window tint darker than 50%, but not on every window... only on the back windows. I'm getting 35% on the rear window and the two back windows. 50% on the driver and passenger windows, and a 15% strip across the top of the windshield. I've been assured that since I have a large B pillar and because my car is black, it will look fine.

I'm also getting a sun roof wind deflector, and wind visors for all the other windows.

I'll post some pictures when I get it back.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

After going winless for 36% of the season, Purdue has finally become Sun Bowl eligible. Hopefully with a win over IU they can upgrade to the Alamo Bowl.

Friday, November 12, 2004

I got nothin here.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Work was insane today. I could feel the veins in my head throbbing and the blood pressure making me have a heart attack. Trying to focus on what you're doing, which needs to be done yesterday. Phone rings. Someone comes in. Help me with this. Help me with that. Hey when you get a minute, come over to my office. I want to show you something. Ring ring ring. Hey, remember that thing you programmed 86 years ago. Its not working anymore. Are you busy? Ring ring ring.

Murder is the case that they gave me.

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

4 words. Rubber. Band. Gatling. Gun.

Available from the fine folks at Backyard Artillery.

Monday, November 8, 2004

What do I want for Christmas? Strike that. What do I want for Christmas that I won't get for myself?

You all know what I like. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Sunday, November 7, 2004

Does anyone have a copy of the Bubba Sparxxx intro to College Gameday from the day of the Purdue - Wisconsin game?

Saturday, November 6, 2004

If I realized 3 weeks ago that every player on Purdue should be sent through fumble drills every practice, why is it that no one on the coaching staff can realize that? So far fumbles have only cost the team 3 wins. No big deal apparently. Already in the first quarter against Iowa, they've fumbled two more times.

HOLD ON TO THE FREAKING BALL. The idea is not that hard to grasp. Here's what you do... you put one hand (which happens to be connected to an arm) on the bottom of the ball. The you put the other hand (which also is connected to an arm) on the top of the ball.

Wow. You'd think that I had just cured cancer with that idea. Maybe someone should forward this to Tiller. Maybe he thinks that holding the ball three feet away from your body and in only one hand is the best way to hang on to the ball.
Another week of gloomy predictions:

Iowa - 16
Purdue - 13

Notre Dame - 20
Tennessee - 24

Baltimore - 17
Cleveland - 9

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

I don't know if this is good or not. Under John Kerry I would have been considered one of the rich wealthy elite, which would have been good for my ego and bad for my pocketbook. Now that Dubya has rightfully won, I am once again one of the middle class who gets to keep more of my tax money.

That's my Bush!

Monday, November 1, 2004

It's his birthday and he'll cry if he wants to.

Happy 36th birthday to Justin.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

I don't recall ever seeing a team fall from grace faster than Purdue has this year. It's completely possible that they don't win another game this year... and if that happens, it won't be because of the defense.

Friday, October 29, 2004

It's that time of the year. A new top 10 has been created. Without further ado...

1. Keira Knightley
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Lacey Chabert
4. Jennifer Garner
5. Famke Janssen
6. Naomi Watts
7. Bridget Moynahan
8. Elizabeth Hurley
9. Angie Everhart
10. Salma Hayek

Kate Beckinsale works her way into the list because of her fantastic work in Van Helsing. Specifically, the bonus feature called "The History of Van Helsing."

Fantastic... eyeballs. Tremendous.... ears. Great big heaving... nostrils.


Honorable mention goes to the girl who winks at the end of the Listerine commercial and also to the girl in the Taco Bell commercial who is also in the Kia commercial where she's sing about her different boyfriends. Honorable mentions also go to Katherine Heigl in Wish Upon A Star, Kristy Swanson in The Chase, Brooke Langton in The Replacements, and Winona Ryder in Five Finger Discount.

The Govenator is just about the corniest politician I've ever heard.

"Ohio, if you flex your muscles, George W. Bush will be back."
I have nothing to say.

Subservient Chicken

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The Indians now move up a spot. They're no longer number 3 in line for longest World Series victory drought. Hooray.

We're number 2! We're number 2!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Keep in mind that the name of every person who votes against George Bush is going to be read aloud on television the next time we're attacked by terrorists.

Monday, October 25, 2004

If I don't talk about them then this weekend will be different. Crap-heads.
This yardwork is making me thirsty.
The Pearl Izumi's seem to lack padding in the forefoot. After only 1 morning of walking around in them, they seem uncomfortable. I will try putting the tiny insert back in to see if that helps at all.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

The 2005 G35's were announced today. If I were to purchase my car starting in December, i.e. with all the options that I got, my car would come with 18 inch wheels instead of 17 inches, and 298 horsepower instead of 260.

I feel like a little girly man now.
I find it interesting how the rivalries in MLB seem to be among the most antagonistic (especially among fans) but then they open their arms wide to players who join their team. For example, I'll be interested to see how Yankee fans react if they sign Pedro this off-season. They opened up to Roger Clemens, but he had been on the Blue Jays for a few years after the Red Sox. Would Red Sox fans open up to Aaron Boone? Would Red Sox fans open up to Mariano Rivera. Would Yankee fans open up to Nomar? I think it probably has to do with the quality of the player. Fans will probably forgive and forget much faster based on how good the player is.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Yankees - Red Sox game.

The Rodriguez call where he swatted the ball out of Arroyo's glove.

I understand calling Rodriguez out, but I don't understand why Jeter was sent back to first. I agree that the run shouldn't have counted, but if the play had happened normally, Rodriguez would have been out at first and Jeter would have advanced to second. It seems like they double penalized the Yankees for the interference call. Maybe the rules state that you can't advance on an interference play. Who knows.

I'd rather watch baseball without seeing riot police however.

Monday, October 18, 2004

The whole season for Purdue comes down to the Michigan game. If they can rebound and win the game then they'll most likely end up in a BCS bowl. It probably won't be the championship game, but I think all of would've loved hearing about a BCS birth before the season. If they have lost all their swagger and play like crap (for the third week in a row) then they'll lose to Michigan and probably to Ohio State also. Three losses isn't all that bad, but considering the start, it will be a disaster.

Which team comes out? At this point it's probably anyones guess. Maybe it's the team that got a talking to after the Illinois game and destroyed Notre Dame. Maybe it's the team that squeaked by Penn State and then came out with no focus and lost to Wisconsin.

Here's hoping it's the first type.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Another season of "what if" and "if only" began yesterday.

If Kyle Smith manages to catch a ball that was weakly thrown directly to him, then Purdue beats Wisconsin.

If Kyle Orton puts the ball in the outside arm on his 1st down scramble, Purdue beats Wisconsin.

This is now two weeks in a row when the offense has not looked very good. The Orton-Stubblefield duo looked completely average yesterday. I'm not disappointed with Ben Jones at all. The game should never have come down to a 40+ yard field goal to send it to overtime.
Another season of "what if" and "if only" began yesterday.

If Kyle Smith manages to catch a ball that was weakly thrown directly to him, then Purdue beats Wisconsin.

If Kyle Orton puts the ball in the outside arm on his 1st down scramble, Purdue beats Wisconsin.

This is now two weeks in a row when the offense has not looked very good. The Orton-Stubblefield duo looked completely average yesterday. I'm not disappointed with Ben Jones at all. The game should never have come down to a 40+ yard field goal to send it to overtime.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Offical prognostication:

Purdue - 35
Wisconsin - 31

Friday, October 15, 2004

I don't want to make predictions for this weekend, but because you the readers demand it, I have to.

Navy - Should Win
Notre Dame - I hate them

Purdue - This game scares me
Wisconsin - Purdue usually handles them

Browns - The Fumble
Bengals - The Drive

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

If I hear one more story about little Jimmy Hoffermayer and how John Kerry met little Jimmy in Jimmy's cardboard box that he called home I'm going to vomit on myself. Why you may ask was little Jimmy living in a cardboard box? It's because Dick Cheney and George Bush stormed into little Jimmys house and murdered Jimmy's parents in the middle of the night. Then they cut off little Jimmy's legs.

Clearly this is not the kind of man whom you want to re-elect as president. Clearly you should vote for me, John Kerry, because as your president, I promise not to murder your parents in the middle of the night.

Another debate tonight. Here is my prediction:

Question: Blah.

Bush: I think it's important to blah. We've spent a lot of money to encourage blah. We need to restrain our spending except for blah.

Kerry: What Bush said, but not what Bush said. More money needs to be spent on blah than he says. I'm just the man to do it, because I fought in a war to defend blah.

And if Nader were allowed in the debate, here would be his response:

Nader: Don't listen to them. They are in bed with EEEEEEVIL corporations who are trying to steal your children's college fund. They do this by fear-mongering. They will kill us all with unsafe cars if you don't elect me.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I got my winter rims today. They don't look too bad. I'm interested to see how they're going to look on the car though. Maybe I'll grace you with a picture or two.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Because I don't have enough gadgets yet I am looking to get another TiVo. That way I can network them together and then use my computer as a TiVo home server. I've got to get the USB wireless adapter for the TiVo first, but that should be on its way tomorrow. After that I'll just get it on the network and the install the server software on the computer.

Once I get all that stuff done I'm sure that I'll never use any of it.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

Is Purdue really the 5th best team in the country? I don't think so. When I think of top 5 teams I think of explosive offense and punishing defense. Purdue has one of those, but not the other. I just hope that the high ranking doesn't go to their heads.

That said, if Purdue can beat Wisconsin and Michigan in the next two weeks, they will have made a believer out of me.

One of the encouraging things about yesterday is that they didn't play their best game and they had some turnovers, yet they still won. In the past they would've lost that game by a field goal.

In the end, it doesn't matter that the score is, as long as they win.

Saturday, October 9, 2004

Predictions for the week:

Since I had a dream about it 3 weeks ago, I'm sticking with that...

Penn State - 43
Purdue - 8

Notre Dame - Suck
Stanford - Suck Worse

Browns - 5
Whoever the Browns are playing - 28

Friday, October 8, 2004

My top 10 is probably out of date now, but here is someone worth some further investigation; Allison Munn.

Thursday, October 7, 2004

There is surely nothing better than being audited by multiple companies at the same time. Pratt & Whitney is auditing us for software quality assurance, among other things. Price Waterhouse is doing our Sarbanes-Oxley compliance audit.

Yay. Yay for audits.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

So hungy.

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Since I was threatened with physical violence if I didn't post this, I am posting it.

We're not ND
Aaron Purduetik

I want to talk about the game. I want to rehash an excellent game plan, stellar play of an unsung defense, and yet another nearly flawless performance at quarterback. I want to think about the what "will-be's" this season. But, it’ll take too long, so I’ll just talk about the day.

The trip to South Bend was a valuable learning experience. It made me thoroughly appreciate being a Boiler.

The countless strip clubs should have been my first clue that something was amiss. We took the first exit that said Notre Dame, anticipating the sight of the stadium ready to accommodate screaming Boiler fans. Instead, we found ...factories & strip clubs. For several miles we drove on a four-lane road meandering through strip club upon strip club.

Thanks to backed-up traffic, we had several hours to appreciate the sites.
Finally we made it to campus ("I thought I'd seen ugly buildings before — but now I realize I was wrong," said my roommate) and into the stadium.

But the reasons to count my blessings had just begun. Anytime there are more men in kilts than men in football helmets, well, there's something inherently wrong. You may think I'm kidding. But I'm dead serious.

And then there were the “cheerleaders” (if you can call them that). None of which looked like they could make Purdue’s alternate-squad…but what they didn’t have in ability was forgotten because you couldn’t hear them and could hardly see them. But they did have an excellent dance squad, otherwise known as the student section.
And you might think there's nothing wrong with this. Dancing & choreography are good, right? Well, maybe I could excuse it if any of those in the green shirts paid attention to the game. But they didn’t.

Our 25 cheerleaders are able to make Ross-Ade stadium resonate with the sounds of "Boi-Ler-Mak-Ers." Notre Dame stadium resonated with cheering only when the Boilermaker faithful cheered as our Boilers drove 96 yards, ran back a 100 yard kickoff or connected for a 97 yard bomb from the shadows of ND’s goalpost.
After an entire game in Notre Dame Stadium, with the Notre Dame fans all around me, I have no idea what their fight song sounds like. They never sang it. I think the band played it every so often, but the ND fans were too busy complaining about the officiating, they probably never even heard it.

Maybe we're spoiled, since the officials really haven’t been an important part of a game this season…none of the games have been in doubt. But, I guess I’ve come to just understand that after a touchdown, when “Hail Purdue” is being played by The All-American Band, all those clad in gold and black just stand and belt it out…by the way, we sing a lot! But like I said, we’ve been spoiled this season.
Even the individual fans were a disappointment. The ubiquitous presence of Purdue sweatshirts confused and befuddled them. One fan sneered, "What, you don’t all just wear the exact same shirt to every game?" I guess the concept of independent thinking is too much for them to grasp. Understandable I guess, since Irish “group-think” is what they’ve become accustomed to.

As we were heading back to our car, a Notre Dame student shouted insults at us from his dorm window. At this point, someone who would talk trash, after getting their arse handed to them, didn't even surprise me.

We walked away with our heads held high. After all, we thank God we’re not ND. And we don't have to spend the rest of our college careers at Notre Dame.

Todays gloriousness is brought to you by the Romanian Mint Rubbing Association. For more information on mint rubbing, or even gas burning, feel free to head on over and check it out.

"It's great!" - Ryan Dowd

Monday, October 4, 2004

I said POST. Post! My readers demand satisfaction. They will not know what to do without my secret directives.

I mean... nothing to see here. Move along.
The posts don't seem to be posting.




Sunday, October 3, 2004

Purdue wins, Purdue wins, oh my God Purdue wins. I can't believe it.

I feel like freaking Bob Euker in Major League.

Saturday, October 2, 2004

As I sit here before the game I don't quite know what to expect. Every time I have predicted Notre Dame would win, they have won. My luck is sure to break eventually though, but I am predicting Purdue to win based on my College Football pick 'em set. I don't have a good feeling, but then I never have a good feeling heading into ND. It seems like Purdue should always win and yet they somehow find ways to lose.

With that said, here are my predictions:

Ohio State - 7
Northwestern - 6.8

Purdue - 24
Notre Dame - 14

Redskins - 32
Browns - 10

Friday, October 1, 2004

I'm heading down towards Canton tomorrow, which sucks because I'll probably miss some of the game. Stupid 2:30 start time. Boo.

I'm also heading to Cedar Point on Sunday, but that means that I won't have the watch the misery also known as a Browns game. Yay.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Dick Morris during post-debate analysis:

"Obviously you need bunker busting nuclear weapons. Where do think the weapons of mass destruction are? In store windows?"
Jim Lehr: Senator Kerry, if elected, what will your plan be regarding Iraq?

Kerry: My plan is to be better than President Bush. I have a plan, and let me assure you that it is good. It is a darn good plan. My plan, that is. The plan that I have to be better than President Bush. It's a good plan. A mighty good plan if I do say so myself. Jim, listen. I think we all know how good my plan is. There's no sense in even discussing it. It's just that good. I've got all kinds of good plans. Every plan that I have is good. Good plans. That's why I want to be President. So I can further use my good plans. If I am elected, you and the American people can be sure of my good plans. I will implement them and IT WILL BE GOOD. But only if the rest of the world agrees. What they say goes, you know.... they're the boss.

I realize that Kerry thinks his plans are good, but I sure would like to know exactly what those plans are.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

I've contemplated these for the past 1 minute. Here are my 10 potential new names for the Expos after they arrive in Washington:

DC Freedom
Washington Tax Collectors
Washington Boogers
DC Ass Heads
Washington Movers
Capital City Bombers
Washington Bullets
Washington Socialists
DC Tides
Washington Justice

Feel free to vote for your favorite, or add your own.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Please donate $650.00 to the "Keep the G35 on the road in the Winter" fund.

TireRack quoted me that price for 4 tires, 4 steel rims, and shipping.

All people donating will be given preferential treatment in this space, so get donating!

Monday, September 27, 2004

I have high speed internet access at home now, and I have become bored with it. I have seen everything on the net.

In doing so, I stumbled across something from NASA called World Wind. It's pretty cool. It gives you a true color globe and lets you zoom in on anything anywhere. The servers are getting crushed most of the time, so downloading the pictures takes forever, but if you view the USGS satellite photos of select cities it's pretty cool. The USGS only gets you to about 500 meters above the ground, but that's better than nothing. The LanSat pictures should in theory get you to 100 meters above ground, but those are incredibly slow to download (and I have yet to get them to work as advertised).

As an example, I pulled up Tampa with the USGS photos and just looked for something with a parking lot. It turns out its some power station, but here are three photos. The first taken from 23,000 meters above ground, the next at about 10,000 meters above, and then the last one zoomed in to 500 meters.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

I went to the Indians game today. Most likely it was the last game for Omar Vizquel while in an Indians uniform. That may also mean that the Indians will not retire his number. If somehow, he re-signs next year then I think they'll retire his number for sure.

Also, the Browns suck. I may have to revise my 5-11 prediction downward.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

I think that all this Orton for Heisman talk is overblown at this point. It remains to be seen what he will do against the best defenses in the country. That said, if he keeps throwing 4 TD's a game, he'll have a great shot at winning the trophy.

If nothing else, it shows how the program is getting respect around the country now, and Orton's attention can only help recruiting in the future.

Friday, September 24, 2004

I had a dream last night that I was being chased by Willem Dafoe (who was throwing knives at me) while we were running on top of a moving train. That's not the interesting part though. For some reason I stopped at a shop that sold bikes and I was going to buy one. The clerk noticed I had a Purdue hat on an sarcastically commented on how good they were. I didn't know why until I looked at the TV.

Unranked Penn State - 43
#8 Purdue - 8

The good news is that Purdue must've been undefeated going in to Penn State in order to be ranked so high, but the bad news obviously is that they got blown out.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Freaking. Wireless.

I get home from work. I bust out the laptop and have a splendid wireless connection.

I leave for school ten minutes later.

I get home from school. I bust out the laptop and have a whole lot of nothing.

What the crap?

My desktop has a connection. Look. Here it is. I am typing on it right now.

Laptop? Not so connected. It is currently sitting on the floor.

What the crap?

I am now on Comcast. This web page will be moved to:\~t_van

in the next few weeks. I will try to update both if I can, but as of now I am trying to port this all over to there.

Monday, September 20, 2004

John Madden is just as stupid as Joe Morgan, but for some reason he is more funny.

The latest proof:

After McNabb threw a pass to a receiver, who then threw it back to McNabb...

Al Michaels: The crowd loves every moment of it.

John Madden: I'll tell you who doesn't love it is McNabb. After you throw that ball to one guy, you want him to throw it to the other guy, but you don't want that other guy to be you.

With the introduction of a cable modem into my household, I am considering buying the PlayStation 2 network adapter. That would mean that we could play games against each other over the network, assuming we both have the same game.

If enough people are interested, I would do it.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

My favorite penalty call of the week:

"False start, offense. Everyone but the center."

Friday, September 17, 2004

Bullet-proof predictions for this week:

Purdue - 37
Bye Week - 0

Notre Dame - 2
Michigan State - 1

Browns - 14
Cowboys - 17

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I just read an article about a University of South Florida women's basketball player who converted to Islam. She wanted to wear long pants, long sleeves, and a full head scarf during games.



Head scarf.


The NCAA didn't grant her request to wear a unique uniform, so she left the team.

Why I don't agree with her beliefs, at least she had the fortitude to stand up for them, and for that she deserves credit.

Monday, September 13, 2004

I have decided upon a cable modem from my cable provider. They provide web space and it's much faster than DSL. Once I know the new address, I'll post it here. It should be about a week to ten days before I get it installed. After that, the current address will only exist for until the end of this month.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

I'm looking at moving to a new internet provider. This will impact you in 2 important ways.

Number 1: you won't be able to reach me at anymore.

Number 2: you won't be able to view this web page any longer.

Therefore, I'm also in the process of searching for a new host for this web site.

I don't want any advertising or anything, so the usual suspects are all out.

Since I care about you the reader, I'm asking for any and all reasonable suggestions.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Prediction: Purdue 24 - Ball State 16

Prediction: Browns 3 - Ravens 86

Prediction: Michigan 0 - Notre Dame 2

Thursday, September 9, 2004

Why does the WNBA still exist. Why? Does it make money? I don't think so. Why does the NBA continue to subsidize it? It makes no money. No one watches it. No one cares about it. No one watches it. Who cares that you're being equal opportunity providers of this crap. Just end it already.
Rumor has it that Ken Jennings Jeopardy streak has ended. They aired his 41st victory last night, but apparently he loses on show number 75 with winnings of over $2.5 million.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004

Someone needs to tell the AP voters that when you win a game 51 to nothing you're supposed to go up in the rankings. Purdue was 24th going into the weekend, then proceeded to humiliate Syracuse, and actually went down in the rankings to 25th. What do the voters demand? Win a game 22-21 in overtime against an unranked opponent?

Monday, September 6, 2004

I enjoyed the Purdue - Syracuse game yesterday. I don't take much from it however. Purdue isn't going to be +3 turnovers every game. They're not going to be able to dominate the opponents offensive lines once they get into Big Ten play. The receivers will be blanketed by defenders, and the running backs will have a hard time pulling off 40+ yard runs. Once Big Ten play begins, I think then we will see the true measure of this team.

Saturday, September 4, 2004

I cannot believe that Oregon State didn't beat LSU. How in the world does your kicker miss THREE EXTRA POINTS in one game? He hit the goal post twice and pushed it way wide right once. I think kickers are generally supposed to be able to hit at least 33% of their extra points.

I think I could hit 33% of extra points.

At the same time however, this is exactly why college football is better than professional football. Anyone really can beat anyone else on any given Saturday. An un-ranked Oregon State travels to defending champ LSU in Baton Rouge and nearly pulls the upset. I think anyone would take being up 8 on the road with 1:41 left in the 4th quarter.

Thursday, September 2, 2004

The NFL season starts soon, and I don't think I could be any less interested. If I wasn't playing Fantasy Football, I probably wouldn't even watch 10 minutes of any game.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Zell Miller is THE MAN!

Damn. That was awesome.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Indians - 22

Yankees - 0

Twenty-two. Nothing. Halleluiah.

Joe Torre is a classy guy though. He took the loss well and made no excuses. Even if you don't like the Yankees, which I don't, you have to give Torre credit.
Day 1 of the RNC national convention. McCain's speech... so so. Guiliani's speech... pretty good.

The best part was in the post analysis though when Brit Hume said "What was the feeling in the Democraps convention." He actually said Democraps. I thought that was hilliarious, but that's probably because I have the humor of a 7 year old.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Talking toilets have been installed in Amsterdam. If they detect "material" on them with their lid still down, they will remind the user to lift the lid first.

"You might consider sitting down next time," the toilet told a male Reuters reporter politely in a female robot voice. The next user was told that "The last visitor did not take heed of basic rules of hygiene."

Depending on circumstances, the toilet might remind you to wash your hands or ask you to lift the seat.

"It could suddenly start coughing and warn you about the dangers of cigarettes, or name all the cool movie stars who smoke. It just depends what mood it’s in," van Munster said referring to people who sneak off to secretly have a puff.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Dear USA Basketball,

We'd all like to thank you for never learning the basic fundamentals. You have favored athleticism over being able to play the game for about a decade now, and we couldn't be happier with your decision.


The World
Stephon! Stephon! Show up today and play! Stephon! Stop shooting recklessly. Stop dribbling eratically. Stop being a bitch.

Team USA needs a victory.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Stephon, if it takes me calling you out in order to get you to play like you did today, I will call you out every day. You had a great game. Congratulations. Now play like that again for the rest of the Olympics, because that's what it's going to take for a gold medal.

29 minutes
10 - 15 field goals
6 - 9 three pointers
5 - 6 free throws
2 rebounds
4 assists
2 steals
2 turnovers

31 points

Very nice game.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Chewing is under-rated. I can eat solid food, but it doesn't seem to be very satisfying. Food is flying all over the place in there.

Listen here food. You go into my mouth, disintegrate, and then fly into my stomach. That is your job. No lounging around in my gaping toothless holes. Slackers.

Monday, August 23, 2004

The Olympics are a sham. Not all of the events, just the ones that have judges.

I was watching mens high bar gymnastics tonight. I'm not sure why. Some Russian Nemov guy had an awesome (turn / event / thing) and he got completely screwed by the judges. The Greeks go crazy, so the head scorer goes over and they change his score. Too bad they still had it way too low. Just the fact that they have the power to change his score after the fact shows how screwed up it is, but then they should have at least got it right.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I ate pizza yesterday, a mere 33 hours after getting my wisdom teeth out. It was excellent. I'm not sure whether that's because the pizza was actually good, or because for the previous 33 hours all I was eating was apple sauce and pudding.

Also, Stacy Dragila is pretty hot, and she is in my key demographic, which makes it even better.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Is it possible for Stephon Marbury to be any more useless in international play? I don't see how he could pull that off. Let's look at his game by game results:

USA vs Puero Rico
25 minutes
1 -5 field goals
0 - 0 free throws
1 rebound
0 turnovers
1 assist
3 personal fouls

USA vs Greece
26 minutes
3 - 7 field goals
1 - 2 free throws
1 rebound
2 turnovers
6 assists
0 personal fouls

USA vs Australia
23 minutes
0 - 4 field goals
1 - 2 free throws
0 rebounds
1 turnover
5 assists
3 personal fouls

USA vs Lithuania
32 minutes
2 - 14 field goals
3 - 4 free throws
1 rebound
0 turnovers
3 assists
2 personal fouls

WHY IS THIS FREAKING GUY STARTING?!?!? He's shooting 20% from the field and 63% from the free throw line. He has 8 fouls and 3 rebounds. Whoopty do. If you're telling me that this is the best that USA basketball can send to the Olympics, then it's no wonder why they have now lost 2 of their 4 games. Marbury cannot defend. He cannot shoot. He cannot rebound. He can't lead the team down the floor, and he can't think. USA down by 4 with 3 seconds left. Hey Stephon, lets shoot a useless layup. GREAT! Ever hear of trying to draw a foul on a three pointer? Remember.... Lithuania just pulled that off a minute ago? Remember that? It's called fundamentals. You don't have any. Sit your ass on the bench. If I can see this, why can't Larry Brown? This is driving me crazy.

What the freak. Who the hell cares that team USA is made up of mind blowingly fantastic athletes when, if you're not named Tim Duncan, you can't play a drop of actual basketball.

TEAM USA, DO YOU WANT TO WIN THE GOLD MEDAL??? Here's how you do it.

Give the ball to Tim Duncan EVERY SINGLE TIME. If he shoots 60 times a game, you WILL WIN. I don't care if he is being guarded by 4 guys every time he touches the ball. I don't care. He can score, and get this... he can SHOOT FREE THROWS. Do you know what those are? Those are shots where no one is guarding you. Not even a single person. And you still miss 45% of the time.

Give Duncan the ball. For the love of God.

Friday, August 20, 2004

I had my wisdom teeth pulled today, about 12 hours ago in fact. Frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. I have no swelling, and I haven't had any pain other than the occasional dull throb. Two more days and I should be able to eat real food again.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

I think it's time to bust out the neutron bomb and drop it on Al-Sadr. If he doesn't want to come out, then we can carry him out. With this bomb, none of the Muslim holy sites would be destroyed, but all of the people inside them would be. I've been wondering where the Islamic outrage is over a bunch of militants standing inside one of their holiest sites firing rocket propelled grenades. There doesn't seem to be any. Can you imagine what would happen if a marine shot a hole in the wall however. Oh the humanity.

It's nearing the time when the U.S. military needs to stop playing by some constrictive rules that no one else obeys, and just goes in and finishes the job. The only thing that militants respond to is overwhelming force. Diplomacy obviously doesn't have any effect.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

I haven't finished putting together all of my latest panoramics, but here are 1 of each from Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, and Shea Stadium in New York City. As always, if you want me to email you the full size version, I will.

Citizens Bank Park

Shea Stadium

The freaking Cleveland National Air Show doesn't have the Blue Angels or the Thunderbirds this year. How can they even call it a national air show now? The have the idiotic US National Jet Aerobatic Team... which is just another way of saying a big pile of crap. Give me a break. The Dayton Air Show was better than this is going to be, and that was by far the worst air show I've ever been to.

Give me a break.

Monday, August 16, 2004

United States: We're going into Iraq. Who's with us?

Germany: Not us. This is an unjust war. Won't someone please think of the children.

United States: Since we are so unjust, we're going to pull our troops out of your country.

Germany: No! This is unjust also. Won't someone please think of the children.

They can't have it both ways. If the U.S. is truly the imperialists that they would have us believe we are, then why don't they want us to pull our troops out of their countries? Perhaps because they need our protection? Hmmm. Interesting.

This link is what I'm talking about by the way.

I'm tired of most of Europe and their Soldiers of Surrender. The only place keeping that continent alive isn't even attached to the mainland.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Citizens Bank Park in Philly is a very nice place to catch a game. It has vaulted into the top 5 of all parks I've seen, and probably will settle in at number 4, with a possibility of going as high as number 2.

Preliminary top 5 (since I am going to Shea today, and I expect it to contend for a spot in my list. Of all the parks I've been to.)

1. Minute Maid Park - Houston Astros
2. PNC Park - Pittsburgh Pirates
3. Pac Bell Park - San Francisco Giants
4. Citizens Bank Park - Philadelphia Phillies
5. Jacob's Field - Cleveland Indians

Thursday, August 12, 2004

I'm supposed to go to baseball games in Philadelphia and New York City this weekend. Guess what else is supposed to go to those games.

Two freaking hurricanes. Two. Two times. Twice.

What are the odds of that?

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Here's what I was doing yesterday, as we continue our week of Random Days in Hi-Def

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Is anyone excited at all about the Olympics? I know I'm not. I haven't watched any qualifying events at all. The only thing that's even close that I have watched is the USA basketball team versus Serbia-Montenegro.

I remember watching Michael Johnson in Atlanta, and not really anything after that in the Summer Olympics. Maybe we need a dominating track and field star with some personality to spice things up a bit. Maybe all Olympics need to be held in the U.S. I'm not sure what it really takes, but I'm not interested right now.

Friday, August 6, 2004

Here are the panoramics I took from my recent excursion to the Great American Ballpark in Cinncinati. The ballpark is neither as great nor as American as it's name implies however.

Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Here's an exceprt from the blue ribbon season preview on Purdue. It looks pretty encouraging, which of course means that we're doomed.



Purdue might have the best offense in America, but if the Boilers can't stop anybody, it won't matter.

With the front seven going through nearly a complete overhaul, the defense will depend on cornerback Rogers and strong safety Pollard to lead the transition. If the Boilers can survive the problems that typically come with an inexperienced defense early in the season, and get better every week, they have an offense that's capable of steam-rolling anyone.

Quarterback Orton, receiver Stubblefield and kicker Ben Jones are three of the top players in the country at their respective positions. And the running game trio of Void, Jones and Brooks is vastly underrated. About the only question mark on offense is how much the loss of center Nick Hardwick and tackle Kelly Butler to the NFL will affect the line.

The schedule provides a few challenges, but overall is in Purdue's favor. Non-conference foes Syracuse, Illinois and Notre Dame hardly strike fear into their opponents as they may have done several seasons ago. The Boilers also have three of the best Big Ten teams (Wisconsin, Michigan and Ohio State) at home, with the only major road challenge at Iowa.

Overall, it's hard to figure Purdue's chances considering the sheer number of personnel losses on defense. Because of that, the unit is definitely below average entering the season. However, if the defense can raise its level to at least average, the Boilers' offense could again put the team in position to gain at least a share of the Big Ten title when the Buckeyes visit Ross-Ade Stadium on Nov. 13.

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Mens Basketball

Italy 95 - USA 78

I enjoyed the professional years while they lasted (especially when Mark Price was on Dream Team 2), but I don't think that the USA can just send over a bunch of NBA players that practice together for 30 days and expect to waltz to the gold medal anymore. Other countries have national teams that practice all year round, and then when the World Championships or the Olympics come around, they add 1-2 NBA players. By then the teams already know what to expect from each other and know the tendencies. It's easy to just include the new additions and keep on rolling. I think that the USA has to go this route also. The national team doesn't have nearly enough practice time. It should be obvious now that talent alone is not enough. The USA team has now lost 4 games in 2 years, and I'm sure that with the effort I saw today, that there are more losses on the way.

There are only two solutions to this problem, and one I think is much better than the other.

I think that the NBA should send the reigning NBA champions to the World Championships and the Olympics. Subtract the foreign players off the team and add in some college kids or other All-Stars. That would go a long way towards guaranteeing success.

The other option is to have a team that is similar to an AAU team. Professional players that aren't quite good enough to play in the NBA, but are still excellent players, and more importantly are players that have been together for a while. Then if you want to add a Shaq or Tim Duncan to the team, there won't be a problem.

Monday, August 2, 2004

I'd by lying if I didn't admit that I am a little apprehensive about going to New York City and northern New Jersey in a few weeks... especially after the news from yesterday. You can't stop living your life though, because when you do that, the terrorists have reached their goal.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Watching Baseball Tonight, I thought it was hilarious how they were talking about George, the fan in Montreal.  George apparently made a deal with Mike Cameron of the Mets that if Cameron hit a home run then George would move to left field.  Well, Cameron hit two home runs and George never moved.  The Baseball Tonight crew seemed to be more interested in George's huge 9 1/2 watermelon head.  They even went so far as to say "he would make a great goalie because you couldn't get anything past his head."
I will be in Cincinnati this weekend.  I'm taking in a Reds - Astros game.  This will be the third park that I've seen the Astros in (Houston, Pittsburgh, Cinncinati), tying them with the Pirates for second on the list of teams I have seen in the most stadiums.  The Indians are in first with five parks (Montreal, Boston, New York, Cleveland, Detroit).

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Do athletes ever wonder why the average person thinks they are incredibly spoiled?  Could it be because of the whole "I don't like playing for your team.  I signed a contract with you, but I want you to trade me to this team.  That's the only team I will play for.  I don't care if you can't get anything in return.  I want you to trade me to this team.  If you don't, then I'm going to take my ball and go home."

Cry me a freaking river.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I remember a time when SportsCenter had.... you know.... sports.  I remember when they didn't show movie clips and music videos in the middle of the show.  It's not called MTV News Center.  What are they thinking?  Does the new format actually have better ratings?  I can't believe that it does.

There are only a few issues that I have with the Bourne Supremacy.  During the first 20 minutes of the movie it must have been a crime to use a non-handheld camera and it must have also been a crime to stay on a scene for more than 1 second.  Every shot was jumping all over the place as the cameraman runs after whatever it is he was shooting.

Cut to the phone.  Cut to the door.  Cut to Matt Damon.  Cut to the car.  Cut to the mailbox.  Cut to the TV.  Cut to the newspaper.  Cut to a non-related airplane flying over.  Cut to someone at the beach.  Cut back to Matt Damon.  Cut to the door again.

You've just experienced 11 seconds of the movie.

After the first 20 minutes, the handheld camera shots decreased by at least 75% and the non-stop cutting stopped (at least until the Moscow car chase).  That's also when the movie became watchably good... maybe even good enough to purchase.  I thought it was on par with the Bourne Identity.  The rating for this movie seems to float.  It could be anywhere from a 6 to an 8.  For now, I will set the rating at 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent.

Also, they apparently cut out the perplexed/constipated look he had on the rooftop.  Either that, or maybe I just blocked it out, because while I remember the scene, I don't recall seeing that look.

Monday, July 26, 2004

I'm going to see Bourne Supremacy tonight.  Expect a full report later.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Ricky Williams retired today.  That was a pretty suprising development to me.  He said that "he wanted to be free."  I think that's code for "I was on my way to a drug related suspension, so I had better pull a Michael Jordan and leve the game before all the fans learn what really happened."

I predict that he will un-retire within at most a year.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

I took back my NCAA Football 2005 today.  Apparently there are a lot of people having the same problems.  EA has said that there are some defective discs, and all you have to do is return the game for a new disc.  So far, no problems.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

The freaking PlayStation 2 has got to be the biggest pile of crap piece of electronics that I own.  I've had NCAA Football 2005 for 3 days.  In that time, it has locked up irrecoverably twice after the completion of a game and prior to saving.  In the 4 years that I've owned my GameCube it has locked up once.

When you have a game where Taylor Stubblefield returns 3 punts for touchdowns, you'd like to get credit for it.

When you shut out Northwestern 49-0 at Evanston, you'd like to get credit for that too.

What a pile.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Here's an article, which by now I'm sure everyone is aware of.  If you're not, then I suggest you read it.  It's a first hand account of what is believed to be a terrorist dry-run on a flight from Detroit to Los Angeles.  Here it is:

Terror In The Skies, Again?


Monday, July 19, 2004

I thought I should let you know that I met my wife a few months ago.  We've been seeing each other a lot lately.... well, I've been seeing her more than she's been seeing me, but still, that counts for something.  We even have pet names for each other.  I call her darling and she calls me police.  She even screams my pet name several times very loudly whenever we're together just to let everyone know how much she loves me.

Friday, July 16, 2004

When did the devil start racing the Tour de France?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

I am disenfranchised.
Du haste.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Miguel Tejada hit a 318 foot home run.

That's why I watch the home run derby. To see 318 feet home runs.

Once upon a time, Joe Morgan was an idiot. That is still the case today.

So far though, he doesn't have to worst quote of the home run derby.

Said by some blonde interview chick on ESPN: "How much thought did it take to hit that home run."

How much thought? How much do you think? How much thought did you put into that question you idiot?

How much thought.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

What has Matt Damon been eating lately? He looks constipated and perplexed at the same time.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a magic show...

Friday, July 9, 2004

Brian Cardinal signed a 6-year $39 million contract with Memphis. Yes, THAT Brian Cardinal.

I can't believe it.

Also, if you mention Carlos Boozer any more... Hulk smash. Hulk freaking smash.

Boozer is dead to me now.
HURLEY! There's been a trade offer to you for a week. Get busy accepting it or get busy rejecting it. Just do something to it.

Thursday, July 8, 2004

Step 1. Carlos Boozer goes to Cavs and asks the Cavs to not pick up the option for his third year. In return Boozer promises to sign long term deal for the mid level exception.

Step 2. Cavs don't pick up his $695,000 option for year 3.

Step 3. Boozer screws over everyone in Cleveland -- especially me. Screws me over personally by signing offer sheet with the Jazz.

What the hell.

Wednesday, July 7, 2004

For whatever reason, I found myself looking at used Bentleys tonight. I was suprised at how reasonably priced a lot of them were. Especially when compared to those Aston Martins. I would have expected exactly the opposite.
Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2004

I've seen the new Infiniti M, and it is good. Expensive, but good. V8, 340 HP, RWD. No manual transmission though.

Monday, July 5, 2004

I eventually need to get winter tires for my car, so I figured now is as good a time as ever to get some. I imagined that they'd be on sale or something, since it is the middle of summer after all. Too bad Tire Rack has ZERO winter tires available for my car. In fact I haven't found ANY winter tires anywhere that fit my car at all (using the OEM tire size of 215/55/17.)
I was reading about some of the worst baseball all-stars on when I came across this amusing paragraph:

Griffin, a shortstop, had an incredible .546 OPS in 1984. He hit 4 homers, drove in 30 runs, and walked four times in 423 plate appearances. Why did he make the team? John Feinstein, writing from San Francisco, the site of the All-Star game, explained in the Washington Post: "Making the All-Star team the hard way: major league baseball pays the expenses for each player here and for one guest. In most cases, players bring wives or girlfriends. Damaso Garcia, the Toronto Blue Jays' second baseman, brought his shortstop, Alfredo Griffin. When the' Tigers Alan Trammell hurt his arm and could not play tonight, Manager Joe Altobelli named Griffin to the team, partly because he's a fine player, but mostly because he was here."
I sat so close to the fireworks tonight that I was actually being hit with debris. At times it was raining smoking embers. Other times it was just large chunks or mortar. Either way, I'm not sure that it was a good thing. The fireworks were great though. Next year I anticipate sitting a bit further away.

Sunday, July 4, 2004

Kobayashi defended his hog dog eating crown for the 4th time. He ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. What's the big deal? He downed a dog every 13 seconds. For 12 minutes.

I could keep that pace up.

For 4 seconds.

Saturday, July 3, 2004

The Yankees love those intestinal parasites. Now two players and a wife have them. If Giambi has a tape worm, that would go a long way to explaining his 4 pound (looks more like 40 pounds) weight loss.

Thursday, July 1, 2004

Since the Lakers are NBA champs, I can understand why every drop of news on ESPN is about them. Oh. Wait. Hmm.

Now that I think about it... I don't care at all what they do out in make believe land. Not even a little.

I would have just as much interest in them hiring Gene Keady as coach as I would Mike Kryshewskiwitzokowskivilensteinenburger.

Of more interest to me is how big a shame it is that there can't be more women in my top 10 list. Kate Beckinsale is completely deserving, but there just isn't any room.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I saw Spider-Man 2 tonight. On my scale it gets a 10. Definite Purchase. It is on par with the first one. I have a few nit-picky complaints, but a certain suspension of disbelief is required in these types of movies. I liked the character of Dr. Octopus a lot better than the Green Goblin of the first one. Once everyone gets a chance to see it I'll talk about it in more detail, but for now I don't want to spoil anything for anyone.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The current Jeopardy champ is going for day number 21 tomorrow. I first heard about him on PTI, and now I've watched the past two shows. The guy knows everything about everything. I can't see how he is going to ever lose. It's unbelievable. Today he had $40,000, and the next closest competitor had $2000.
Jason Giambi has "parasites." I don't recall him living in a third world country. Does he have to bathe in and drink water from the same river that he goes to the bathroom in? I'm not sure about that, but I doubt it.

How exactly does one get "parasites" when you're Jason Giambi?

Monday, June 28, 2004

I have returned. I'm a little sore and a little wounded, but overall I am alright. Here are some pictures from the trip. I am sitting in the front right of the raft. These were taken by a photographer who was with us in a kayak. He would take the rapids before us, then get set up and take pictures of us as we went through.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

By this time tomorrow I will already be on the river. I'm going white water rafting in West Virginia. My goal is to come back with no broken bones and no limbs torn off my body. I'll be back Sunday night. Yay for me.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Now that's my kind of humor.

Monday, June 21, 2004

AYUTHAYA, Thailand - Here come the elephants. Thai officials organized a soccer game between elephants and prisoners Sunday in hopes of discouraging gambling on the European Championships.

"We expect that people will support the idea that we can get fun from playing football, not gambling on football," said Nathee Chitsawang, director-general of the Thai Corrections Department.

Thai authorities have cracked down on soccer gambling in prisons and elsewhere since Euro 2004 began this month in Portugal. Corrections officials have blocked viewing of the tournament in some prisons and have relocated inmates suspected of bookmaking.

Sunday's game was a reward for some inmates from the Ayuthaya prison, which houses about 1,500 men. More than 200 spectators watched the prisoners take to the muddy field with the elephants ridden by drivers from the nearby Ayuthaya Elephant Palace and Royal Kraal.

The prisoners cut through a forest of elephant legs to score the first goal. But without clear rules against "trunkball," the elephants, guided by their riders, moved the oversized ball easily. The game ended in a 5-5 tie.

The Elephant Palace is home to more than 100 elephants, some of which perform for tourists and in films.

"We train the elephants every day to play soccer, kick the ball, and to keep from stepping on the other people," said Pattarapon Meepan, 19, whose father owns the Elephant Palace.

"They are not the best players because they are quite slow," he said. "But they try their best. These elephants can do everything."
SpaceShip One should be firing it's rocket any minute now. They should be around 50,000 feet by now. One it detaches, it will fire the rocket for about 70 seconds and then it should be in space.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

If you've got any kids out there that you don't know about, try to find them today so you can get a Father's Day gift.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Tom Brady is apparently dating Bridget Moynahan. That's a big disappointment. She can surely do better than that. Like with me for example.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Apparently Yahoo is filtering Gmail invitations into the junk mail folder. That would explain why Ryan hasn't gotten his invitations.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

How long do summer colds last? Apparently they last indefinitely if you're me. I need a phlegm creator extraction.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Rumor has it that the Cavs are trying to trade their number 10 pick this year for Wally Sczerbiak. I would do that in a heartbeat. Sure he's apparently incapable of passing the ball, but he's a proven scorer. The Cavs need a secondary scorer. I also suspect that the Cavs have worked out some sort of trade with the Bobcats that involves Jason Kapono. Normally, a shooter who comes as cheap as Kapono wouldn't be left unprotected, so I think that the Bobcats may have agreed to take Kevin Ollie or Ira Newble in exchange for leaving Kapono unprotected also.

Next weeks rookie draft and the expansion draft the week after that should prove to be interesting.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Last night, Mason, the public adddress announcer for the Pistons, supplied the worst team introductions I've ever heard.

Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-Chauncey Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-Billups.

Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-Ben Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-Wallace.

Teyshaun "The Palace's Prince" Puh-puh-puh-Prince.

You're on freaking worldwide television and radio. Try not to act like a complete jackass.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

I'm sick and I don't like it. I don't know why, but every year at the beginning of summer, I get really sick. This time I could hardly even swallow. It felt like someone was taking a razor up and down my throat. It's better now, but I need more sleep, not more pages from work.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

If anyone wants a Gmail invite just let me know. I have 3 left to give.
If anyone has any photos of the 21 F-15E flyover for Reagan's funeral, please post where I can find them or just email them to me. I can't find more than 1 picture of it, and then it is just 4 of the jets.

21 F-15's at 1000 feet had to be mighty impressive.

Wednesday, June 9, 2004

Why in the world would you want to get a perfectly good draft pick when instead you can just cut Tim Couch?

That's brilliant.

Chalk another victory up for Emperor Davis.
Carlos Boozer is going to the Olympics and I think he is exactly the type of player who should go. If it were up to me I would also send Ben Wallace, Elton Brand, and Ron Artest. The team shouldn't be about ESPN highlights while it goes down in flames. It should be about teamwork and hard work. Rebounds and defense are the key to winning. The U.S. cannot rely on intimidation and raw talent anymore. They actually have to practice for the games now.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new number one on the vaunted Top 10 list. Elizabeth Hurley drops down, despite her fantastic work in Bedazzled, simply because I haven't seen her lately. Does she go outside anymore?

1. Keira Knightley
2. Bridget Moynahan
3. Famke Janssen
4. Angie Everhart
5. Elizabeth Hurley
6. Lacey Chabert
7. Jennifer Love Hewitt
8. Jennifer Garner
9. Naomi Watts
10. Natalie Portman

2. Bridget Moynahan
5. Lacey Chabert
7. Jennifer Love Hewitt

6. Natasha Henstridge
8. Ashley Judd
10. Rachel Leigh Cook

I was watching game 1 of the NBA finals. The announcers kept saying how great Detroit's clock management was... well, in fact it was terrible. They were up 12 with 6 minutes left. What does that mean? It means run the clock. It means that if I see someone shoot with more than 5 seconds on the clock, you're going to the bench. Instead they're running down and putting up terrible shots. With 18 seconds on the clock. Man, that really is great clock management. Wow.

What I think actually happened is that ole Larry Brown received a call from David Stern at the beginning of the 4th quarter that went something like this: "Do your best to blow it or else. The only way you can win this game is if the Lakers don't hit their shots, but even so, you must give them every opportunity."

Monday, June 7, 2004

I'm back. Yes it's true. I have some good pictures, which I may bless you with by posting some here.

I saw Shrek 2 over the weekend. It rates a 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do. I was not impressed. The ratings guide says it is 1 hour and 45 minutes, but it was actually about 1 hour and 5 minutes. I actually liked the first one better, and that's not saying much as I didn't really care for the first one.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

I'm in Florida.

It is hot.

So hot.

I'm going to take my clothes off.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Hopefully I have no problems on the airplane today. My flights have been known to not go so smoothly however.

"Uh yeah. This is your captain. We've been informed that we're missing a part that the mechanics say we need, so we're going to have to go back to the gate now." This happened in Detroit, as I was flying to Delaware.

Terrific. There's some information that I'd just rather not know.

Later on that same flight we flew right into a horrible thunderstorm. That's the only time I've ever actually gotten air sick. I was looking out the window and the wing I'm looking at got hit by lightning. The lights go out for a second. We drop about 1000 feet. Some lady is screaming in the back. We're circling around the airport for about 90 minutes. Eventually we're running low on gas, so we have to divert to another airport. As soon as we touch down, and 50% of the passengers demand to get off, even though their luggage is going on to the original location. A hour later, we're back in the air. We touch down finally and I go to the rental car agency. They've given away my car. What's the point of the reservation then? The important part is holding the reservation. Anyone can take the reseveration. All they had left was a Taurus station wagon. Hooray. I take that and drive to my hotel, which was about 45 minutes away. Guess what? They've given out my room, but this time all they have left is the presidential suite. I finally get in there about 2:00 AM and have to leave at 6:00 AM, so I didn't even get to enjoy the room.

I flew uneventfully back to Detroit and then caught a prop job back to Cleveland. It looked like its props were held on with tape. If you've seen the Indians plane in Major League, that's what it reminded me of.

Hopefully this trip is nothing like that.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.

As a present to myself, I am going to Florida on Friday.

I'll be visiting Islands of Adventure while I'm there. I definitely recommend a visit for everyone. It's great in the pictures, but they don't even come close to doing it justice. The theming there is incredible. It's easily the best theme park I've ever been to. It's also not too shabby as an amusement park.

The Incredible Hulk

Jurassic Park River Adventure

Dueling Dragons

Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

I was watching "They will not win this game" play the "We will win this game" last night and replays of the blocked shot at the end don't do it justice. They will not win this game. Watching it in real time was more incredible than all the slow motion replays of it. They will not win this game. Prince came out of nowhere and ended up 10 rows deep in the crowd. They will not win this game. I was shocked. They will not win this game. Miller should've dunked it obviously, but I don't even know if he can jump that high anymore.

So how do you feel Rasheed? They will not win this game.

How's your foot doing? They will not win this game.

What's your name? They will not win this game.

I'm sleeping with your wife. They will not win this game.

Monday, May 24, 2004

I've been grilling like a fiend lately... in between dodging the 3 daily thunderstorms we've had for the past week. Burgers, sausages, steaks, you name it. Meat and pudding may not be the healthiest diet on the planet however.

Friday, May 21, 2004

UNBELIEVEABLE! I just witnessed what could be the most impressibe weather display I've ever seen in person. I was looking out the window and it was perfectly clear. Within 1 minute (no exaggeration) the ENTIRE sky turned black and rain, hail, and lightning was everywhere. The clouds were moving extrememly fast. I checked the weather channel and couldn't believe what I saw. Looking at the radar, there was a line of huge thunderstorms in a bow echo from Columbus, through Cleveland, and over to Detroit. The storms were moving at 65 MPH over the area. The local news had footage of the storms crashing over downtown like a freaking wave. Heavy heavy fog was forming instantly at the front the storms along the ground, and as the camera was shooting there were downtown buildings that were engulfed in it like a freaking wave. I can't believe what I just saw.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

There's a web page out there called Gmail Swap where people offer things (like a used iPod for example) in return for an invitation to join Gmail. Since I am apparently one of the few to have gotten Gmail, I'm not above selling out my invite. In fact, I have something brewing already.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

I had a dream where I was in middle school or high school, and I asked my teacher how I did on the test, and their reply was "Don't go pouring that load of concrete into Dan Marino's jersey just yet."

Talk about things that make you go hmmmm. Does that mean I passed? What exactly DOES that mean?
The T-Wolves tried their best to blow it, but the Kings just didn't want to win it apparently. That had to be one of the biggest choke jobs I've ever seen. Minnesota was up 15 with 6 minutes left. Five missed shots and two turnovers later, they were up by 1.


Tuesday, May 18, 2004

I had to scan through my Major League DVD tonight to get some screenshots of Rick Vaughn's jersey because I am getting mine personalized with the number 99 on it and VAUGHN.

"The Indians win it, the Indians win it, oh my God the Indians win it!"

My favorite part at that point is the guy in the background screaming "I can't beeeeeliiiiiieeeeeeeeve it!" because that's exactly what I'd be doing if they ever managed to win the World Series.

Monday, May 17, 2004

My Dell DJ 20 shipped today. Hooray for me. The only problem now is that I have to re-rip all my CD's and encode them at 256 bit instead of the 128 I ripped them in years ago. It's also not compatible with iTunes, so I have to re-encode those AAC songs I bought on iTunes into MP3's. It's not normally a good idea to encode from one lossy format into another though.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Twas a busy day and night for me. I watched the Indians beat the D-Rays 10-0 in the afternoon, and got burnt to a lobster crisp. Then tonight I saw Troy. I'd give it a solid 7. Would ask for it as a gift because I might want to watch it again some day. It didn't seem like a 2 hour and 42 minute movie. It moved with a pretty good pace the whole time. The acting by some (Orlando Bloom) wasn't anything to write home about, but it was interesting enough and certainly filled with action. It seems the epic battles put it in the vein of Gladiator, Braveheart, and Lord of the Rings, but I don't think the battles were as good as those in Braveheart of Lord of the Rings.

And last of all, don't forget about Diane Kruger (she played Helen). She is a potential top 10 nominee. She bears striking resemblence to a girl I work with, which is a big plus (and maybe is what leads to the nomination.) I can't really find a good still photo of her, but trust me when I say she looks better in motion anyway. This is the best one I suppose, but it's a bit small.
On the same day that Israelis held the largest peace demonstration in over 10 years in Israel, Palenstinians were marking the anniversary of "the catastrophe." What's that you ask? The Palestinians call the creation of Israel after WWII "the catastrophe."

If that doesn't speak volumes about what's happening over there, I have no idea what will. I just don't understand why everyone is putting so much pressure on Israel to give up land to the Palestinians (people who don't even acknowledge Israel's right to exist.) Appeasement NEVER works. If you give suicide bombers what they want - a Palestinian state - then they will get the message that blowing up Israelis eventually will get us what we want.

There's no easy solution over there, except for the Palestinians to realize that for every action there is a reaction. They seem to believe that Israeli helicopters and tanks are storming their neighborhoods for no reason, like that bomber they sent to an Israeli market had nothing to do with it.
Roy Jones Jr. lost last night. He was knocked down in the 2nd round, and the referee called it after he was on very shaky legs after he got up.

I can't believe it.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

I have to admit... TiVo knows me pretty well. It recorded a show on the History channel called "Breaking Vegas: The true story of the MIT blackjack team" and it was actually interesting. I have to say, probably 90% of the stuff that the TiVo records for me automatically (without my input), I end up liking. It keeps recording old baseball and football games though. I don't really care to watch a World Series game from 1975 or the 1992 Citrus Bowl. If TiVo had a "I like this, but don't ever record it" button, I think it would be just about perfect.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Freaking Lakers.

There has got to be some conspiracy out there that causes the Lakers to win these last .4 second games. What else explains that shot? Fisher could shoot that fall away 1000 times and he might hit it once. I think the Ball had some clear wire that guided it to the basket. It has to be.

Freaking Lakers.
Sarbanes-Oxley = poo poo.

Leave it to Congress to over react to a singular event.

Step 1: Enron screws investors

Step 2: Congress screws EVERY public company by making them conform to idiotic standards and thereby making my daily work completely suck

Step 3: Auditors make BILLIONS because of this stupid piece of crap law

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Two things: The Angels - Yankees game had better make it through 5. Glaus has a HR and 2 RBI, but it's raining in 4.

Next, I really like the new crew for Baseball Tonight. John Kruk is infinitely better than idiot Bobby Valentine. He isn't exactly the most insightful, but Kruk says what everyone else is thinking and doesn't say. I also like the way that Gammons is like Kruks teacher and has that reprimanding look and tone all the time. I think the banter is great.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Todays page is brought to you by the ever hilarious Ignignokt and Err (and a preview of SpaceCatraz.)

1. Volkwagen GTI VR6 (4 for 4)
2. Nissan Maxima SE (3 for 4, not in price range)
3. Ford Contour SVT (4 for 4, reliability concerns)
4. Honda Prelude (2 for 4, no V6, no leather)
5. Honda Civic Si (2 for 4, no V6, no leather)

That is the rank, following the necessary specifications (manual, V6, leather, price). If I find out that a Honda Civic Si has been purchased, an enforcer will be sent.

Sunday, May 9, 2004

I'm watching the Indians - Orioles game on Sunday. Mike Hegan (former major league cather, and now announcer for the Indians) makes the comment "Omar offers at the off-speed pitch." It really didn't look like an off-speed pitch to me, so I looked at the pitch speed in the upper right hand corner of the screen. It read 98 MPH. That's one heck of an off-speed pitch. Jorge Julio's fastball must be somewhere between 110-120 MPH.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

Another case of some brilliant Californians... There are what scientists call a swarm of sharks just off the coast of some city in California. So what do the residents do? They all get in kayaks and go out to look at the swarm.


Friday, May 7, 2004

Like someone once said... I am the smartest man in America.

Even though MLB will remove the logos from the bases, I don't think they have totally killed the deal. Maybe every stadium will be covered in spider silk for that weekend or you get a free super-power inducing spider with every ticket purchase or something like that. It is somewhat encouraging that MLB was trying to think outside of the box, but they picked a stupid way to do it.

If they really want to try something great, how about making people pitch to Barry Bonds so my teams OPS doesn't keep dropping.

Wednesday, May 5, 2004

So MLB has accepted a proposal from Sony to put Spider-Man 2 ads on all the bases the weekend that the movie opens... I don't buy. All that has happened here is that Sony completely duped MLB into millions and millions of dollars of free advertising. By accepting this, news agencies (like ESPN) are now running the story. It won't be long before national news coverage gives the story 5 minute chunks of time around the country, and possibly the world. What does this mean? It means there will be a huge backlash among fans and MLB will end up cancelling the agreement. What does Sony lose when this happens? Nothing. They just managed to pay nothing for tons and tons of free airtime. Every sports fan is going to be talking about this plan now, and in the end, when the ads get cancelled, it will have cost Sony zip.

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

I had a dream last night. Not weirder than any other dream I've had. I just happened to write this one down.

Places in the dream
Ft. Worth
Holden House in Pennsylvania (which by the way doesn't exist)

People in the dream
Jay Leno - cutting up onions (because he is my cook?)
Hugh Hefner - Driving Fred Sanford's truck
Pamela Anderson - passenger in Fred Sanford's truck
Richard Prior - I either am Richard Prior or look like Richard Prior. He is being chased by the cops or looked for by the cops at the Dallas airport
Alvin and the Chipmunks - I ate breakfast with them at a Waffle House

And now.... the dream
I was supposed to fly to Ft. Worth to meet my brother, but apparently I just went to the airport and got on the very first plane I could find. My original ticket was from Cleveland to Ft. Worth, leaving at 2:58 PM and arriving in Ft. Worth at 1:58 PM. Instead I arrived in Pittsburgh with my mom and bought a house, the Holden House. It was huge, had about 50 rooms and I remember the door buzzer went through a subwoofer, because I couldn't hear the buzzer so I turned up the bass and then I could hear it. There were also a lot of doors to the outside that were literally right next to each other. When I went into the kitchen I could see Jay Leno outside the window cutting up onions, so I can only assume that he was either my cook or my gardener.

From there I magically ended up back on an airplane to Chicago. I remember the captain saying "2 hours down and 6 hours to go" just as I was waking up. That didn't sound right, so that's when I looked at my ticket. I asked the guy next to me what time it was and all he said was "it's 55 after." I informed him how that was not particularly helpful. The next thing I know I was taking back off in Chicago, but not from the airport. The plane was getting onto the highway and going around a pretty sharp right turn. The pilot just lifted off and banked to the right. There were some really big power lines over there, like 500 feet tall. I was wondering if we were going to fly into them, but the pilot just kept banking and turning to the right. Eventually we were upside down - in a regular passenger jet. My ex girlfriend apparently walked onto the plane as we were in the air and sat down in the back. At this point it looked more like a flying bus than an airplane. I didn't want to talk to her so I turned around and pretended I didn't see her.

We land in Dallas and my mom is there again. We go out to breakfast at Waffle House and sit with Alvin and the Chipmunks. Meatwad might also be there but I'm not sure. From there we go to what I think is my house, the Holden House in Pennsylvania, except we're still in Dallas. Hugh Hefner and Pamela Anderson drive up in Fred Sanford's truck. It's really front loaded, so they park and go into the house. I start to unload it, but all I grab is a sleeping bag, a chair, and some cardboard tube box. My mom takes the sleeping bag and says something about how heavy it is. After that I tell her that I have to go to the airport because I'm late for my flight, so she drives me there in some blue van. Once we get there, I realize that it's not safe because the cops are there looking for Richard Prior. I get a scared feeling, but I'm not sure if it's because I am Richard Prior or if I just look like him, but I decide that I can't risk flying to Ft. Worth from Dallas because I feel like the cops are looking for me. Then I realize that it's only a 35 minute drive to Ft. Worth, and that's when I leave.

Monday, May 3, 2004

I was watching Pat Tillman's memorial service on ESPN tonight, and I thought one of the Navy Seals said something very insightful. He said "Pat Tillman, 1976 - 2004. That dash is a life. How do you spend your dash?"

Saturday, May 1, 2004

I saw A Guy Thing tonight. It gets a solid rating of 5. Would watch if it was on TV or someone else rented it

There were some definite laughing out loud moments, but there were also a few slow points. It was better than I expected. It also had Selma Blair at her hottest going for it.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

I upgraded my TiVo last night. I had a 40 hour unit, but now I have a 188 hour unit.

It had a 40 gig Western Digital drive in there, and now it also has a 120 gig Maxtor.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I don't like Barry Bonds, but I do have to admit that the way he is going he might just skip right over hitting .400 and go straight to hitting .500.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

*** O F F E N S I V E *** L I N E M E N ***

That's what the Browns need. That's NOT what the Browns got.

They should have drafted 7 offensive linemen. Instead they traded away a 2nd round pick for a player that was going to be sitting there anyway. Then they traded away a 3rd, 4th, and 5th round pick to get back their 2nd round pick that they never should have given up to begin with. Brilliant strategy.

Hooray for us though, we drafted another damn quarterback. Yippee! Super Bowl here we come. All that ails us has been cured.

What a bunch of freaking morons. They make the IU football coaches look like Vince Lombardi.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Emperor Davis: Hey Detroit, I heard that you're going to take Roy Williams with the number 6 pick.

Joe Detroit: Yes, that's correct.

Emperor Davis: Well we really want to draft Kellen Winslow Jr with the number 6 pick.

Joe Detroit: You do realize that you can just pick him at number 7 right?

Emperor Davis: Yes. Take my second round pick. I am an idiot.

Joe Detroit: Okay, and yes, you are an idiot.

Emperor Davis: Enough of your banter. I demand you take our second round pick. On top of that, I also demand that someone takes our 5th and 6th round picks also. Our team is so perfect we need nothing. NOTHING. I am in total control. I am the emperor. Bow before me.

If I actually cared about the Browns anymore I think I would go drive off a bridge. They are a bunch of idiots. Apparently it doesn't matter that they give up 800 sacks a game. Maybe that's why they have 52 quarterbacks.

Random crappy player drafted by idiots: Oh hey coach, another quarterback got his legs ripped off because we have no offensive line.

Emperor Davis: SILENCE! Send in disposeable quarterback number 14! Get rid of Couch too! I am the emperor! Get me more Miami Hurricane players. I demand satisfaction.

It's almost enough to make me watch soccer.
I watched the other Klitschko fight tonight, with yet another horrible nickname. Vitaly "Dr. Iron Fist" Klitschko.

Who comes up with these names for these fighters? Dr. Iron Fist?

Come on. That sounds like a bad Bond villain name.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I can't wait for the NFL draft so that I can watch the Browns draft 7 more quarterbacks. I predict that their opening day roster will be 52 quarterbacks and 3 punters.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I just got invited to join Gmail, which is pretty cool. It's Google's version of email, but you get a 1GB of storage instead of Yahoo's 6 MB. Whoopty-do.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I currently have the top 3 ranked players in Yahoo Fantasy Baseball - Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and Scott Rolen.

Yet, my team still sucks. Stupid Yankee pitching.
I'm with the Indians.

Here, in Cleveland? I didn't know we still had a team.

Yeah, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Use your turn signal! You people act like it's divulging secret information to the enemy.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Within 1 to 2 years, Lacy Chabert and Lindsay Lohan will be taking their places on my Top 10 list.
Breaking news: The New York Yankees pitchers are piles of crap.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Kill Bill Volume 2 was better than Volume 1, in my not so humble opinion. I liked the Mai Pei, Budd, and Bill characters, but didn't like the Elle character. In volume 1 I liked the Crazy 88's, but thought the Monty Python's Holy Grail type blood spurting was a bit much.

Due to popular demand, I hereby rate Kill Bill Volume 2 a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent. Even though I liked it better than Volume 1, I would also rate Volume 1 a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent. I didn't like either enough to buy it as yet another DVD that own yet will never watch.

Friday, April 16, 2004

I saw Kill Bill Volume 1 tonight. There certainly was a lot of killing. Bill was not one of the killed however.

I'm seeing Volume 2 tomorrow. I expect more killing.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

There is a stench... an unstoppable force, something evil that lives in the office down the hall. A co-worker worked in there about 6 months ago, but since then the office has just housed dead printers and computers. In that time, something has festered in there. I have sprayed down the entire office with Lysol. More than once. The force comes back. I did battle with it today, but I think it has leached on to me. I may have to burn my clothes.