Thursday, August 31, 2006

CNN anchor broadcasts live from the ladies room

New York -- Kyra Phillips, anchor of CNN's Live From, unwittingly upstaged U.S. President George W. Bush's speech in New Orleans this week with an on-air analysis of her husband and the marriage of her brother -- all live from a CNN bathroom.

Unaware that her wireless microphone was live during her break, Ms. Phillips could be heard overriding Mr. Bush's prepared address Tuesday as he marked the anniversary of hurricane Katrina.

In conversation with an unidentified woman, Ms. Phillips dismissed most men as "assholes" but called herself "very lucky in that regard. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely . . . a really passionate, compassionate, great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They're hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

Moments later, she observed that "brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him. . . . His wife is just a control freak."

Then another voice cut in. "Yeah, baby?" Ms. Phillips replied.

"Your mike is on. Turn it off. It's been on the air."

CNN anchor Daryn Kagan, looking flustered, then broke into the telecast with a recap of what Mr. Bush had been saying.

Ms. Phillips later apologized to viewers "for an issue we had with our mikes" and "for a little bit of an interruption there during the President."

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Power through it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Reason 591 on Mookies list of reasons why we didn't go to class:

"They asked me to read a book, so I dropped the class."
There is an advertisement for an insecticide that "kills cockroaches for up to 90 days".

If I used that insecticide, I wouldn't look forward to that army of zombie cockroaches coming after me when they come back to life in three months...

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I just got back from a Wiffle Ball tournament \ Poker Tournament.

In Wiffle Ball I had 4 home runs and 10 RBI in 5 games, but I also had 3 K's in those 5 games. Stupid Wiffle Knuckleballs.

At the end of the multiple games in the poker tournament, I was only down $4.

Not bad at all. $4 for an entire days worth of food and entertainment.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

"According to an article in the NYT, an Iranian heavy water nuke plant goes online today. From the article: 'An Iranian plant that produces heavy water officially went into operation on Saturday, despite U.N. demands that Tehran stop the activity because it can be used to develop a nuclear bomb. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad inaugurated the plant, which Tehran says is for peaceful purposes. The announcement comes days before Thursday's U.N. deadline for Iran to stop uranium enrichment — which also can be used to create nuclear weapons — or face economic and political sanctions.'"

Hmmm. Iran is not heeding the demands of the U.N. I believe I called that.

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Indians are on a pace to become the first team in history to finish 10 games under .500 despite outscoring their opponents by 50-plus runs.

The team is just not as bad as their record indicates. Every year there are teams out there that overachieve, but never the Indians. This year the Yankees, Tigers, White Sox, and Twins all have records that are better than the numbers indicate they should be. How can they do that and the Indians can't?

Even last year when the Indians had 93 wins, the numbers indicated they should've had 97. This year they sit at 10 games under .500 and the numbers indicate they should be 12 games OVER .500. There has to be a reason for chronic underachieving.

Is it the manager? I don't think so. You can only do so much when your bullpen implodes every game. Even ownership doesn't have much to do with the players on the field DURING the games. I just don't get it.

Next year Dolan promises he will spend a "significant" amount of money on players. Well Larry, for you it would appear that $10.99 is a significant amount of money. I'll believe it when I see it. Go out and get Alfonso Soriano and then I'll believe you. Add Carlos Lee to left and then I'll believe you. Sign Barry Zito and then I'll believe you. Instead I predict we'll hear about "The Indians signed Placido Domingo of the Western European league to a 1 year contract valued at $9."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Indians came back to win last night after giving up 10 runs in the first inning. You'd think that Suck Time Ohio - the Indians television network (Sports Time Ohio) would want to show a replay of that game today. No thanks. No, we'll just be signed off until 6:00 PM tonight. Nothing to see here.

Way to go guys. Your network is a real gem.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Today we have example 8 trillion on why the United Nations is a worthless buereaucratic piece of junk.

It seems obvious to me that Iran wants to build a nuclear bomb. I have no first hand proof of that, but it seems likely.

Step 1: Iran wants to build a nuclear bomb.
Step 2: Iran needs more time to do so.
Step 3: United Nations warns Iran that Iran will get its hand slapped unless it stops
Step 4: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 5: United Nations tells Iran "Someone needs a timeout. We need to talk about these nuclear ambitions of yours."
Step 6: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 7: United Nations tells Iran "Three hundred more strikes, and you're going to be out!"
Step 8: Iran allows talks, knowing that all they're doing is stalling for more time.
Step 9: Talks fail to produce anything of any use to anyone.
Step 10: United Nations warns Iran that Iran will get its hand slapped unless it stops.
Step 11: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 12: United Nations tells Iran "Two hundred ninety-nine hundred more strikes, and you're going to be out!"
Step 13: Iran allows talks.

Now, I may be dumber than the average bear, but I think... wait. I'm having one of those things. You know. A headache with pictures. An idea? Yes! I have an idea. There seems to be a pattern here. It's the same pattern that Iraq followed. (I still believe Iraq had WMD's and since the U.N. gave them 9 months of free time before the war, I believe Iraq moved them elsewhere *cough* Syria *cough*) Regardless, it sure seems that Iran will have plenty of time to work uninterupted on their so-called "peaceful" nuclear ambitions because the freaking worthless U.N. wants to talk quietly to the school yard bully. Now Iran can complete it's research, and then guess what? It can move it all somewhere else. That allows them to say all of a sudden "Hey, U.N. inspectors! Come on in! See, we have nothing to hide. Nothing at all."

That's exactly what I predict will happen.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

School starts next Monday. I have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:00 - 9:50 PM. After those two, I will be down to three classes remaining. After those three I'll finally have my doctorate.

Err... I'll have enough credit hours for my doctorate. I'll be over 200 credit hours by then. The enormous little leaguer was ridiculous, and GEM was truly outrageous, but 200 freaking credit hours is truly ridiculously outrageous. At least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Monday, August 21, 2006

In the Little League World Series, there is a player for the Arabian American team named Aaron Durley. He is 13 years, stands 6'8", weighs 256 pounds, and wears a size 19 shoe. He's grown 4 inches in the past year and put on 36 pounds.

That's ridiculous.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

People don't like flying.
People don't like snakes.
Put them together and what do you have? Snakes on a Plane.

Since this movie will apparently do quite well at the box office, you can rest assured that you'll be seeing this combination for years to come. I'd be willing to bet that you'll be seeing it by the metric assload.

Put one thing that people don't like together with another thing that people don't like and then make a movie about it.

For example;

Spiders on a Clown
Heart Disease on a Yugo
Public Speaking on one of those magazine inserts that fall out all over the floor as soon as you even think about picking the magazine up

Etc, etc, ad nauseum, repeat.

Lastly, I know I'm not the only one that's a little creeped out by clowns.

Friday, August 18, 2006

If the Indians go 39-2 over the next 41 games they will equal their record from last year.

Somehow, I don't think that's likely.

I just had the pleasure of watching ANOTHER blown save by their lovely bullpen.

I wonder... what could be the reason? Could it be because they didn't want to pay $4 million to Bob Howry? A guy considered to be one of the best setup men in baseball the last few years? Or could it be that they traded their closer for next to nothing?

How do you go from the best bullpen in baseball to the worst in one season? I think it starts with one word: cheap. Larry Dolan overpaid for the Indians and now he can't afford to field a moderately priced team. I'm not saying he needs to spend $150 million, or even $100 million, but at least spend $15 million to keep your best setup guy and the league leader in ERA from last year (Kevin Millwood.) How different would the season be with stability in the pen and the rotation? How much better is Kevin Millwood than Jason Johnson? How can you even begin to believe that Johnson, a so-called innings eater, would do something this year that he has never done before; i.e. have a winning season?

The cheapness of this owner is leading to a self-fullfilling prophecy. He claims that he can't pay for talent unless there is a spike in attendance. Well guess what Larry... when Dick Jacobs was spending $100 million a year on a team of all-stars, the Jake was sold out for 454 consecutive games. Now you want sell-outs for a bunch of rookies and players that will be gone as soon as their rookie contracts are up. How about spending some cash on long term deals for KNOWN quantities? How about sacking up for once and bringing in a stud in the prime of his career? Spend some money and the fans will come. If you keep fielding 60 or 70 win teams you'll never have the place more than half full.

You overpaid for the team and now you have no money, so do us a favor and sell the team. Preferably to Randy Lerner, the owner of the Browns. He has Cleveland roots and has more than enough money to spend $4 million to keep together the best bullpen in the league.

So, Larry. Would you spend $15 million for 39 more wins?

Borrowed with glee from another site: "Fans of The Cleveland Indians: We're cuckoo for Cyanide Puffs!"

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Part I

Slots = -$80
Rapid Roulette = -$140
Poker = -$120
Total = -$340

Black Jack = -$210
Slots = +$8.50
Total = -$201.50

Slots = +$6.50
Black Jack = -$155
Rapid Roulette = -$150
Total = -$298.50

Grand Total = -$840

The sad part is that at one point on Sunday I was up $270 on Black Jack. That means in order to end up -$210, I really sucked.

That said, the whole trip ended within budget.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Amazingly I had no problem waking up for work this morning. It's amazing because I went to bed every day at 5:00 - 6:00 AM EST. Combine that with eating dinner every night at 1:00 AM EST, and I think I'm doing much better than expected.

Sordid details coming later.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I'm off to Vegas in the morning for Ji's bachelor party. The party itself isn't until Monday, so that gives me some time to win $8,000,000. I'm hoping that I just walk into the first casino I see, stick that quarter into the slot machine, and then 8 million silver dollars fall from the ceiling and pummel me.

Then again, maybe that's not so sensible. I think 800 million pennies would be better, as they are smaller after all. I'll need some big pockets though...

I'll be back on Tuesday night, but probably not fully functional until sometime on Thursday.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Today, a plot was disrupted that planned to take down planes flying from the UK to the US in waves. Three planes at a time were targeted by terrorists whose goal was the blow up the planes in mid flight.

The first thing that must be done is to congratulate the security and intelligence forces for taking care of this.

The second this is to insist that we do not surrender any more of our privacy or rights as citizens because of these activities.

By taking away rights, by spying on it's citizens (i.e. us), by ram-rodding things through like national ID cards (which, btw, will have exactly ZERO effectiveness in stopping anything like this), and by generally inciting the citizenry to panic status, we are playing right into the hands of the terrorists. That is exactly what their goal was.

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." - Ben Franklin

Don't get me wrong. We need to be proactive about finding these things, and we need to do everything we can WITHIN THE LAW to allow the intelligence community to do this. We should not just accept seizures without warrants and phone taps on everyone just because we're told it is necessary. I say bull. Giving up our freedoms does not make us any safer. It makes us oppressed. By keeping our freedoms, we win the fight. We can kill every terrorist on the planet and there will just be new terrorists. It will never end. Once you give up freedoms though, they never come back. We're currently a frog in a pot of water that is slowly being boiled, and we need to freaking wake up and realize it.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

ESPN asked a question about which state is the best for college football.

Specifically, they asked "What is the "State" of the game in 2006?"

Their choices were:


Hmm. One of those isn't like the others. Shouldn't someone tell Kentucky that Louisville has seceded?

Monday, August 7, 2006

I was watching MTV Cribs tonight and Damon Jones of the Cavs was on it. I believe I know where he lives, but his house wasn't the best part. He has Mercedes ML500, a Mercedes SL55, a Mercedes S550, and to top it off, he has a Mercedes SLR McLaren.

Damon Freaking Jones.

Someone who averages 6 points a game should not be allowed to own a McLaren.

Also, someone who owns a McLaren should park it at my house.

Sunday, August 6, 2006

If I had to be a bronze statue, I would choose not to be a stolen bronze statue of Rin Tin-Tin.

Now, with that out of the way, on to other news. I finally, five years after the fact, finished my 2001 Rose Bowl tribute\collage\thing, complete with the remnants of a once great civilization of balloons from Joes Crab Shack that were skillfully formed into a Purdue helmet with a gigantic rose sticking out of the front. Sadly, the red balloons have lost about 90% of their color, but still they soldier on.

Saturday, August 5, 2006

Who wants to play a game? It's called "How many walk off home runs can you surrender in one week."

Oh, I see the entire Indians bullpen wants to play. Welcome aboard guys.

That's why you never say to yourself, "Self. Things just can't get any worse."

They can, and then they do. This season has been ridiculous.

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Normally I wouldn't recommend reading anything in Vanity Fair, but this story is an absolute must.

Vanity Fair 9/11 Tapes

It details, with audio, what was going on in NORAD, the FAA, and the NEADS (North-East Air Defense Station) on 9/11/01.

It brings back the chaos of the moment and not knowing what was going on at any given time, and if or when it would stop.
If trees could scream, would we all be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might. If they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

I just got word that my grandmothers radiation treatments are going to start next week. Originally we thought the radiation would begin after the end of chemo, but apparently not. They met with the radiation doctor yesterday and he recommended starting radiation now so that she has the best chance of beating the cancer.