Tuesday, March 30, 2004

If you haven't seen the video I'm sure you've still heard of it. A female has won the McDonalds All-American slam dunk contest.

It has to be the weakest slam to win a contest I have EVER seen. Add 6 more inches to my vertical and apparently I would have won that contest. From what I've heard the other contestant missed 2 of their 3 dunks, but still. Those dunks rated about a 7 and a 12. At best. I've seriously seen much more exciting missed dunks than those.

Monday, March 29, 2004

If last week should've taught you anything, it's that you don't mess with Richard Simmons.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Hey Marisa. I'm going to be in the area tomorrow and I wanted to know if you'd like to get together for a frozen yogurt or something. Maybe even a whole meal. Of food.

-Frank the Tank

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Today I had to do help scout a bunch of little leaguers. One of the idiotic things they expect us to do is scout kids individually as they run in a pack... 25 at a time. How am I going to get a feel for each kid? Do I have the same number of eyeballs as a fly? How does that work exactly? After that it got better though. I was assigned to ground balls and arm strength. Some kids played olé defense and then walked casually towards the ball. I guess they were trying to impress their non-existant female onlookers. Some kids were actually really good.

In the end the kids got rated on Ground Balls, Fly Balls, Overall Defense, Arm Strength, Batting, and Running on a scale of 1-5 (5 being the best). The highest rating went to one kid who had a perfect 30/30 overall. The lowest rating was an equally astounding 6/30. The draft is on Sunday, so I don't know who's playing for Coca Cola yet. That would be the team that I coach, if I want to do that. I'm undecided about it though. I can be a little cynical at times, and perhaps a perfectionist in some regards. Do 10 year olds really need that? Maybe not.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Time to say goodbye to Gene Keady?

If this ESPN article is correct, then maybe so. It says he went to San Francisco to interview for the USF coaching job.

Talk about a step down...

They talk about Lavin, Painter, and Martin as the three top choices for the job. I don't even care so much about a good coach as I do about a good recruiter. Talent wins on the floor with the help of a coach, and sometimes inspite of it. A Big 10 school should be able to get Big Time talent... not Big Sky talent.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Fun with stereo installations.

Step 1: Make sure you can afford the stereo

Step 2: Make sure you can get power to the wiring harness

Step 3: Give stereo back when it doesn't work

Step 4: Don't have someone install it

Step 5: Don't take it out and put the old one back in

Step 6: Carefully ship it back to originator

Step 7: Don't let your coins change the volume of your subwoofer

Step 8: Punch Kyle in the face

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Awesome news. Emory and Oglethorpe (otherwise known as the orange and green spiky aliens from Aqua Teen Hunger Force) are going to be getting a pilot of their own called Spacecatraz.

On an interesting side note, the voice of Brak is the same as Oglethorpe (the orange alien).

His name is Universal Re-Monster, not Universal Piece of Crap like you say.

- Oglethorpe
If you've never heard of EDI then you should consider yourself blessed.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

I'm done now. Finished. Caput.

I had Kentucky winning it all, Michigan State in the Elite Eight, and Wisconsin in the Final Four.

None of those will happen.

Here. Take my $10 dollars please. I don't need it. If I kept it, all I would do is light it on fire. It would then be just like my bracket. Hooray.

Saturday, March 20, 2004

My bracket isn't quite screwed completely. Yet. Michigan State losing really didn't help too much though, as I had them making the elite eight. If Wisconsin can make the Final Four then I should be fine. Otherwise I am finished.

Friday, March 19, 2004

I plan on living forever.

So far, so good.
I'll be heading to Indiana tonight. Feel free to stop by my Indianapolis residence, El Rodeo, to say hello.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

So far we're just three games in to the tournament and I've already lost one game. I picked Manhattan over Florida, Maryland over UTEP, and Charlotte over Texas Tech. Stupid Texas Tech won. I figured every Bob Knight coached team chokes in the tournament, so because they won a game this probably means that Texas Tech will go on to the Final Four.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I went to get regular plates on my car last night (only through May of this year) and the girl who took care of me was a mirror image of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Very hot. I scoped the ring finger, and there was a ring, but no wedding band there. She's is getting married in August, so there's still a chance to change her mind.

Monday, March 15, 2004

I have to say... there are some boring tournament entry names out there. Of all the ones in the list though I guess I'm partial to "Dowd fire Keady." It reminds me of a caveman.

Me eat fire.

Kill meat.

As for my picks... I can't tell you, because then you'll steal them and win my $10,000. OK, I'll give you a hint. I think that Northern Iowa can beat Michigan State, but if MSU gets past the first round then they could do some damage. I also like the style of play from Wisconsin. They are built for the tournament. This could also potentially be the year for the first 16 seed to win. Since Saint Joes is so perimeter driven, if those shots fail to fall (see the Xavier game for proof) then they are completely beatable. They routinely get out rebounded and have no inside presence to speak of. I'm not saying Liberty will win, because I'm still picking Saint Joes, I'm just saying it's possible.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

I've got to go get plates on my car this week, which probably means that I'll end up with regular plates, at least for now. I may transfer over my personalized plates once I sell the other car, but not now. Having multiple cars car no garage is beginning to suck. If someone came up to me and handed me $18000 in cash today, I would accept it and give them the keys to the Nissan.

Anyone out there want to part with $18000?

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Chapter 14: Completing Business Reports and Proposals



After 10 years of schooling I'll finally be able to get that high paying secretary job I've dreamed of.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

It seems like I haven't had anything insightful to say in a while. Maybe that's no different than any other time.

The good news is we're going to name a disease after you.

If you drop your keys into a pit of lava, just let 'em go, 'cause man, they're gone.

It tastes like burning.

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake!
I watched Radio a few days ago. It was ok, nothing better. It seemed to get a lot of hype, but I don't think it lived up to it. I compare it to Remember the Titans, probably because it involved high school football, and I think Remember the Titans was a lot better. I give Radio a rating of 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do. It seems like a lot of movies are getting that rating lately.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

Some less than brilliant person in a Georgia Wal-Mart tried to buy $1600 worth of goods with a..... $1 Million bill. She had two more in her purse also.

Uhhh, yeah. Can I have some change please?

Sure, what do you need?

I need 5 1's, 3 5's.....

OK, no problem.

And I also need 6327 10's, 8978 20's, 11255 50's, and 1928 100's.

Oh. I'm not sure I have that much in the register. Can you hold on a 'sec?

Sure, I'll wait.

Monday, March 8, 2004

Stupid Browns. They are probably going to cut Tim Couch. Try giving him more than 0.0038 seconds of time and he might be able to complete a pass. Oh wait, that's too hard. Instead lets just play the game with no running backs and no offensive linemen at all. Couch can just snap it to himself. That will save some money. Damn it Couch! You got sacked again! What's your problem? You're cut.

No matter where he signs after the Browns, I predict that he goes on to win 18 Super Bowls.


Stupid Butch Davis and his stupid wife Prevent Defense.

Sunday, March 7, 2004

I went to the Cleveland Auto Show yesterday and even have pictures to prove it. The most expensive production car I saw was the Porsche Carrera GT... weighing in at a budget price of $440,000. At that price, why not take two!

Here is the new Mustang. I like the front a lot, and overall I think it is much improved over the current Mustang.

Here is the Ford GT. I don't need to say too much about this one.

A favorite from Gran Turismo 3, the Corvette C5R.

Here is a 350 Z with gull-wing doors.

Lastly, the Cadillac Sixteen with its 24 inch wheels and 16 valves.

From henceforth, the buyer today will be referred to as Freak-Out Man, or FOM for short.

Me: Do you have any questions?
FOM: Oxygen sensor!
Me: I have all the maintenance records if you'd like to see them.
FOM: Timing belt!
Me: I had a new muffler installed in January and the tires in December.
FOM: O2 sensor!
Me: I've had the 30K and 60K service done.
FOM: Timing belt! Oxygen sensor!
Me: I'll give you the car for free.
FOM: Only if it has a new timing belt! Timing belt! O2 sensor! Timing belt!
Me: You're an idiot!
FOM: Timing belt, timing belt, got to watch Wapner. Fart. Gotta go to K-mart. Sally Weaver, Sally Weaver. Fart.
Me: Nicely done Rain Man.
The freaking guy was fixated on the timing belt and the oxygen sensor. Somewhere he apparently read that if you're not getting good gas mileage, that is the reason. Too bad for him he was reading about the regular 200 SX and not the SE-R. The regular 200 SX gets 30 city and 40 highway while the SE-R gets 23 and 31. When I told him my actual mileage was about 22 and 30 he seemed appalled. That's when he kept asking "Have you changed the timing belt and the oxygen sensor?"

What the hell. I have no idea. Here's how it works:

Step 1: Car has problem.
Step 2: I take it to the dealer.
Step 3: Dealer says "You have a problem with the flux capacitor."
Step 4: I say "I don't care how much it costs, just fix it."
Step 5: It's fixed.

I showed him my maintenance records, but apparently I need to create one that specifically says "CHANGED TIMING BELT AND O2 SENSOR. HOORAY FOR BETTER GAS MILEAGE."

I'm freaking getting the best damn possible gas mileage you can get. This is a SE-R. Phonetically spelled like this : ESSSSSSSSSSS EEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR. SE-R. 23/31. I get 22/30. Stop freaking out.

Saturday, March 6, 2004

The buyers who were supposed to be here at 9:00 AM this morning are now not coming until tomorrow. I woke up at
6:45 AM for nothing. What a pile.

Do I like sleep? I think I do. Do I like waking up early for no reason? I think I don't. You want to buy this car? 10 Million dollars. That's what it costs. What do you think about that? Oh you don't like it? Well, I don't like waking up early.

Friday, March 5, 2004

The list of the top 5 worse highways in America has been released, and I have been on all 5. I'm so special.

1. Interstate 5, between Los Angeles and San Diego.
2. Florida Turnpike, between Orlando and Miami.
3. I-90, between Madison, Wis., and Chicago.
4. New Jersey Turnpike, between the Delaware Memorial Bridge and New York.
5. I-45, between Dallas and Houston.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

Wednesday afternoon: My ad in Auto Trader went out for my car
Wednesday night: I get a call about my car

Now that's results.

They're coming up from Akron to look at it on Monday. Place your bids now. It's going fast.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

I watched Lost in Translation tonight and frankly I don't see what all the fuss is about. Best picture? Best actor? Maybe I'm too dimwitted to understand it or something. It was ok, but nothing special, in my humble opinion. Good enough for over 80 4 star reviews? Hardly. My rating : 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do