I upgraded my TiVo last night. I had a 40 hour unit, but now I have a 188 hour unit.

It had a 40 gig Western Digital drive in there, and now it also has a 120 gig Maxtor.

I don't like Barry Bonds, but I do have to admit that the way he is going he might just skip right over hitting .400 and go straight to hitting .500.

*** O F F E N S I V E *** L I N E M E N ***

That's what the Browns need. That's NOT what the Browns got.

They should have drafted 7 offensive linemen. Instead they traded away a 2nd round pick for a player that was going to be sitting there anyway. Then they traded away a 3rd, 4th, and 5th round pick to get back their 2nd round pick that they never should have given up to begin with. Brilliant strategy.

Hooray for us though, we drafted another damn quarterback. Yippee! Super Bowl here we come. All that ails us has been cured.

What a bunch of freaking morons. They make the IU football coaches look like Vince Lombardi.

Emperor Davis: Hey Detroit, I heard that you're going to take Roy Williams with the number 6 pick.

Joe Detroit: Yes, that's correct.

Emperor Davis: Well we really want to draft Kellen Winslow Jr with the number 6 pick.

Joe Detroit: You do realize that you can just pick him at number 7 right?

Emperor Davis: Yes. Take my second round pick. I am an idiot.

Joe Detroit: Okay, and yes, you are an idiot.

Emperor Davis: Enough of your banter. I demand you take our second round pick. On top of that, I also demand that someone takes our 5th and 6th round picks also. Our team is so perfect we need nothing. NOTHING. I am in total control. I am the emperor. Bow before me.


If I actually cared about the Browns anymore I think I would go drive off a bridge. They are a bunch of idiots. Apparently it doesn't matter that they give up 800 sacks a game. Maybe that's why they have 52 quarterbacks.


Random crappy player drafted by idiots: Oh hey coach, another quarterback got his legs ripped off because we have no offensive line.

Emperor Davis: SILENCE! Send in disposeable quarterback number 14! Get rid of Couch too! I am the emperor! Get me more Miami Hurricane players. I demand satisfaction.


It's almost enough to make me watch soccer.

I watched the other Klitschko fight tonight, with yet another horrible nickname. Vitaly "Dr. Iron Fist" Klitschko.

Who comes up with these names for these fighters? Dr. Iron Fist?

Come on. That sounds like a bad Bond villain name.

I can't wait for the NFL draft so that I can watch the Browns draft 7 more quarterbacks. I predict that their opening day roster will be 52 quarterbacks and 3 punters.

I just got invited to join Gmail, which is pretty cool. It's Google's version of email, but you get a 1GB of storage instead of Yahoo's 6 MB. Whoopty-do.

I currently have the top 3 ranked players in Yahoo Fantasy Baseball - Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and Scott Rolen.

Yet, my team still sucks. Stupid Yankee pitching.

I'm with the Indians.

Here, in Cleveland? I didn't know we still had a team.

Yeah, we've got uniforms and everything. It's really great.

Use your turn signal! You people act like it's divulging secret information to the enemy.

Within 1 to 2 years, Lacy Chabert and Lindsay Lohan will be taking their places on my Top 10 list.

Breaking news: The New York Yankees pitchers are piles of crap.

Kill Bill Volume 2 was better than Volume 1, in my not so humble opinion. I liked the Mai Pei, Budd, and Bill characters, but didn't like the Elle character. In volume 1 I liked the Crazy 88's, but thought the Monty Python's Holy Grail type blood spurting was a bit much.


Due to popular demand, I hereby rate Kill Bill Volume 2 a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent. Even though I liked it better than Volume 1, I would also rate Volume 1 a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent. I didn't like either enough to buy it as yet another DVD that own yet will never watch.

I saw Kill Bill Volume 1 tonight. There certainly was a lot of killing. Bill was not one of the killed however.

I'm seeing Volume 2 tomorrow. I expect more killing.

There is a stench... an unstoppable force, something evil that lives in the office down the hall. A co-worker worked in there about 6 months ago, but since then the office has just housed dead printers and computers. In that time, something has festered in there. I have sprayed down the entire office with Lysol. More than once. The force comes back. I did battle with it today, but I think it has leached on to me. I may have to burn my clothes.

There is a new ride on the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas. It's called the X-Scream. It is insane. It's basically a big teeter-totter on the top of the tower, which teeters and totters 30 feet over the edge of the tower at 30 MPH. You're 880 feet in the air and you're teeter-tottering over the edge of the building.

Brilliant!

I think there must be a three step process for the designers of it.

1. Think of the most insanely idiotic ride possible.

2. ???

3. Profit

Apparently for them, step number 2 involves placing all of their rides on the Stratosphere Tower.... Big Shot... High Roller.... and now X-Scream.

I watched the Wladimir Klitschko fight tonight. I think the Russians should know that W does not equal V. Also, he beat the crap out of Lamon whatever his name is, but wore himself out. He threw more than 60 punches per round, but by the end of the 5th round he could barely stand. He looked like jellyfish legs. Russian Hammer.... sure. If he doesn't retire he should really change his nickname. I propose Glass Jaw Klitschko.

Word on the street has it that Nissan is going to expand the SE-R name outside of the Sentra and 200SX. Next year they are bringing out an Altima SE-R. I haven't decided if this is a good idea or not. It seems like this may water down the SE-R to the point where it is as ubiquitous as the boring GT name.

Matt Painter got hired as an assistant, and is supposed to replace Keady after next year. Whoopty do.

Say hello to a lot of NIT invitations.

I'm watching the Dodgers and Padres game last night on channel 779 because I get the MLB season package preview for a week. I saw a commercial for Carls Jr (a fast food place in California.) They are advertising Laker bobbleheads and how they have the most popular Lakers. The problem is that they actually don't. Here's their great selection of popular Lakers: Devean George, who I don't imagine is really that popular, Rick Fox, who I also can't see being that popular, Derek Fisher, who might be popular but certainly isn't the most popular, and Karl Malone... a Laker for 3 months. Woo! There you have it. The most popular Lakers.

Screw Shaq. Screw Kobe. We never did like them says Carls Jr. I'd take Devean George over either of them any day.

Here's something that is greatly irritating me. The media makes it sound like the end of the world that we're giving most of the tax cuts to the wealthy. Guess what? The wealthy pay most of the taxes already, and if you make a lot of money, you pay a lot of taxes, so when those taxes get cut, you get more money back. If you're making $10,000 a year you're not going to get a $100 million tax cut. Is that surprising? I guess it is to the media.

If I make $10 million a year then I will pay about $4.5 million in taxes. That means that when my taxes get cut by 10% I will get about $450,000 back. If I make $10000 / year then when my taxes get cut by 10% I only save about $10 because I wasn't paying more than $100 in taxes anyway.

SHOCKING! $450,000 > $10. I'm appalled. Won't someone please think of the children!

Bon voyage. So long. Siyanara. Bye-bye. Hasta la vista. Take car. Goodbye.

By this time on Monday, my Nissan will have a new owner. We've agreed on the price, and all that is left to do now is go to the bank and get the paperwork notorized. The final sale price was $600 less than I listed, but it was $2600 more than the dealer was going to give me.

Someone is coming to look at my car today. I suspect this will be the buyer, as I've talked to him already and he seems quite eager to buy it.

I'll know for sure later.

A brand new tasty treat for Japan.... Fish McDippers! You can read all about it here.

Letter From Employer Thankfully Omits Balls-Copying Incident

SAN FRANCISCO—Randall Konerko, a 39-year-old database administrator looking for a new job in the field, was relieved to learn Monday that a letter of recommendation from his former employer makes no reference to the Dec. 11 balls-copying incident that led to his dismissal. "Whew, that's a relief," said Konerko after an interview with Luminant Worldwide. "I was sure Mr. Alland would mention that whole thing, but, mercifully, he didn't." Konerko has made a promise to himself never to engage in testicular Xeroxing, even if it's 2 a.m. and the office seems to be completely empty.