Is it possible for MTV to become any less mainstream and any more irrelevant? I think not.

Breaking news: Scissors Kills Paper, Rock; Turns Blade On Self.

Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing.

I wanna get into it man.

You know.

Get up.

Get on up.

Get up.

Get on up.

Stay on the scene.

Like a sex machine.

I have a solution to all of the worlds problem. Bombs.

Iraqi's don't like our presence? Bomb them.

Mars is going to crash into Earth? Bomb it.

The Yankees bought Vladimir Guerrero? Bomb them.

See, it works for everything. It scales just as small or big as the problem you are having.

I met my wife last night. She just doesn't know it.

So hot. Want to touch the hiney.

I saw Serving Sara over the weekend. Very disappointing. Not even the extremely hot Elizabeth Hurley could turn it into a movie I'd ever want to watch again. It gets a lowly rating of 2. Would definately return it if I received it as a gift, and I'd smack the person who gave it to me upside the head. Elizabeth Hurley gets a 9 out of 10 though.

The Indians just traded Brian Anderson for cash and 2 nothings. Great.

Wow. The Browns sure looked good Saturday night. They're Super Bowl bound if they keep up this pace.

Clarett, Shmlarett. Who gives a crap. He sucks and Ohio State sucks too.

I've got your repeat right here.

I rate Ohio State fans right up there win Browns fans as being the worst fans to sit with at a game. I think they should limit all beer sales to the first minute of the first quarter at every game in Ohio. Crap heads. Hey, here's an idea Browns fans. Let's boo our own team. Who cares that they only have 3.61 players on offense. I don't! BOO! Boo I say. Hey ref, here's a beer upside the head, and there's more where that came from. Yeah the team sucks. Yeah the chants are all either "3 and out! 3 and out!" or "P-R-E! V-E-N-T!" Still, have a little class you drunk bastards.

Here's what's going to happen. The Browns will finish 6-10 this year and who will they blame now that Couch isn't the starter? Oh, I'm sure they'll find someone, and that someone's name will rhyme with Gym Slouch. Idiots. They should have a minimum IQ requirement installed in order to get into the stadium.

In movie news.... the trailer for Matrix Revolutions was released today. Why do I get the feeling that I've already seen it? The big fight (apparently) has Neo versus Agent Smith, while they are surrounded by thousands of other Agent Smiths.

Johnny Depp apparently is the new front runner to play Willy Wonka. Give me a break. If I wanted a coke snorting pirate scissorhands then I would've hired Al.

I got Madden 2004. The ownership mode is insanely complicated. Paul Tagliabue probably makes potential owners play through several seasons of the mode just to see how well they do.

Kelly Holcomb has been named the starter. Woopty freakin do.

(I believe I called this though, and it's the wrong move.)

Eric brought up an excellent point. In all this talk of 50 million people being without power, we lost sight of the fact that Travis Hafner hit for the cycle yesterday, and thus became the first Indian to do so since 1978.

Where are our priorities I ask you.

Where?

Now that the sweeping blackouts have stopped again, I'm putting my energy to good use...

like this link to a great 80's shirt.


Also, there's a cool site where you can read first hand about the blackout. Check it out here if you're interested.

Lastly, just for Eric. The Browns game is schedule to happen tonight against Green Bay, although last I heard there were still having problems with the traffic lights downtown.

I spoke too soon last night. My work had power, but my house had no power. I went out to get some food, and any place that was open was jam packed. Wendy's had their drive through wrapped all the way around the building and back onto the street. The gas stations actually had police directing traffic into them. I ended up going to an all night grocery store that had some power and was able to get something to eat. I ended up getting power back sometime in the middle of the night after I had fallen asleep, but there are still plenty of areas in the Cleveland area and elsewhere that don't have power.

Power is back on. Hooray!

You never realize how much dependence you have on it until you start looking for anything that has a battery in it. My cell phone didn't work -- the cell stations had no power. My phones are cordless -- they had no power. My stereo requires power. My walkman uses batteries, YES! CRAP! The batteries are dead and I have no more AAA's. My pager isn't getting updates, so I have no news whatsoever. I'm calling everyone I know, from everywhere in the country. The only problem is, half of them use cell phones that aren't working at that point either. The other half aren't home, and still the other half I have either no work numbers or invalid work numbers. It's really amazing that as you slowly hear the story spread, various thoughts are flying through your head. All power is out in northern Ohio. Ok fine, that's happened before. Then you hear that means from Toledo to Erie and all the way down to Akron. Ok, that HASN'T happened before. What??? Power is out all the way to New York? What is going on? Unfortunately at that point, the worst thoughts start entering the picture. Was it terrorism? I have no idea, because I can't get in touch with anyone. All I knew was that South Carolina had power and Alaska had power. That leaves a few states in between those that may or may not have power.

Thankfully though, our big news station had backup generators, and when I got into my car I finally heard some sketchy news about a fire in Connecticut or New York City or something. That was good enough for me. At least I had heard something. It's also quite astounding to be driving when there's no power. I'm amazed at how civil everyone is. Why can't they be that way when the traffic lights are working? Anyway. I'm happy to be with power again.

It's not often that you see a baseball game end with a score of 5-0 in the 14th inning, but somehow the Indians manage to beat the Twins 5-0 in 14 last night.

Donde esta el Brak Show????

DONDE!?!?!?!?!

Here are my AFC picks for the upcoming NFL season:

AFC East
1. Miami (12-4)
2. New England (8-8)
3. New York (6-10)
4. Buffalo (6-10)

AFC South
1. Tennessee (11-5)
2. Indianapolis (10-6)
3. Jacksonville (5-11)
4. Houston (4-12)

AFC North
1. Baltimore (10-6)
2. Pittsburgh (9-7)
3. Cleveland (6-10)
4. Cincinnati (4-12)

AFC West
1. Oakland (11-5)
2. Kansas City (9-7)
3. San Diego (7-9)
4. Denver (7-9)

Here are my NFC picks for the upcoming NFL season:

NFC East
1. Philadelphia (11-5)
2. Washington (9-7)
3. New York (8-8)
4. Dallas (5-11)

NFC South
1. Tampa Bay (12-4)
2. Atlanta (10-6)
3. New Orleans (8-8)
4. Carolina (4-12)

NFC North
1. Green Bay (9-7)
2. Minnesota (9-7)
3. Chicago (7-9)
4. Detroit (4-12)

NFC West
1. St. Louis (13-3)
2. San Francisco (11-5)
3. Seattle (7-9)
4. Arizona (5-11)

The last new episode of Futurama aired tonight on Fox. It brings a tear to my eyes.... just like when they cancelled Shasta McNasty.

Good news! According to the idiots broascasting the Browns game on NBC last night, Browns rookie Lee Suggs is a football player. Well that's fantastic news. I'm happy to hear they didn't draft a tennis player. They were talking about the running game, and how depth may be an issue for the Browns because of Jamel Whites recent injuries, but they stated that there was good news, because Lee Suggs is a football player.

Terrific insight you freakin geniuses. I'm happy that you get paid to be such an insightful bunch of crap.

In other news, last night the Browns porous prevent defense did exactly what it is designed to do. It enabled the Titans to march up and down the field like they were playing against a bunch of first graders. 10 yard pass to the left, 8 yard run up the middle, 7 yard sweep to the right, 11 yard pass to the right, 7 yard pass to the left, 4000 yard quarterback draw. It's the same thing all the time. Defense sucks, offensive line sucks, William Green sucks, defensive backs suck, and Tim Couch doesn't suck, but that won't matter anyway, because Holcomb will be the new starter. Here's a great idea. Let's play more than one offensive lineman. Maybe then Couch would have more than ZERO seconds to throw the ball. Hey guess what... wide receivers are supposed to CATCH the ball. Last night Couch was 4 of 8 but he had 2 drops. The play calling was also noticeably different for Holcomb than it was for Couch. They were both in for 15 plays, but Holcomb got to throw downfield on 6 of them, and had 5 additional passing plays, with only 4 running plays. Couch got to throw downfield a whopping 1 time and had 7 short passing plays, with 7 running plays.

It seems obvious to me that they want Holcomb to win the job so that they can save some cash. Bah.

Half-Asleep Man Pauses 20 Minutes Between Socks

CLEVELAND, OH—Seated on the edge of his bed, Tim paused for 20 minutes with one sock on his foot and the other in his hand Tuesday. "Ugh, tired," he said who was otherwise silent from 6:30 to 6:50 a.m. During that period, Tim stared at the wall and teetered perilously close to a reclining position six times.

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! We need more shows like this!

The world of TiVo is pretty nice, however I find it's suggestions to be lacking. Every morning I check it and find out that it has recorded movies I have zero interest in, to go along with some show about hotels.

This morning the movie was Silver Streak (with Willy Wonka and Richard Prior). In the meantime it could have been recording something with Angie Everhart in it. She's the queen of late night B- movies.

Women not currently in my top ten list, who may soon be:

Keira Knightley
Salma Hayek
Catalina Larranaga

Four words:

Naomi. Watts.

Mullholland. Drive.

Has anyone played NCAA Football 2004 yet? I have 2002, and I had 2003. I didn't like the camera angles in 2003 -- it felt like I was playing football from the top of the scoreboard in the endzone... i.e. I was too far away. 2003 had some cool options though, like a trophy room, but I couldn't get past the camera. Does 2004 have a better camera? I know that they now have Sports Illustrated covers after every week, and that sounds cool, so I want to know if I should pick it up. 2002 is great, and I still play it quite a bit. I'm i the 36th season in dynasty mode in fact.

The Cleveland International Air Show is coming up Labor Day weekend. Is anyone interested in attending?

Crib Malt Liquor

Just like mom used to make.

I have about 10 months to determine what car I am going to purchase. I have virtually locked in on the 6 speed Infiniti G35 sedan, however I want to test drive other cars just so I can laugh at them.

On my list I have an Acura TL Type-S, a Mazda 6s, a Volkswagen GTI VR6, a Nissan 350 Z, a Mazda RX-8, and maybe the new Nissan Maxima.

Any other suggestions in the under $35K price range?