Is it possible for MTV to become any less mainstream and any more irrelevant? I think not.

Breaking news: Scissors Kills Paper, Rock; Turns Blade On Self.

Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing.

I wanna get into it man.

You know.

Get up.

Get on up.

Get up.

Get on up.

Stay on the scene.

Like a sex machine.

I have a solution to all of the worlds problem. Bombs.

Iraqi's don't like our presence? Bomb them.

Mars is going to crash into Earth? Bomb it.

The Yankees bought Vladimir Guerrero? Bomb them.

See, it works for everything. It scales just as small or big as the problem you are having.

I met my wife last night. She just doesn't know it.

So hot. Want to touch the hiney.

I saw Serving Sara over the weekend. Very disappointing. Not even the extremely hot Elizabeth Hurley could turn it into a movie I'd ever want to watch again. It gets a lowly rating of 2. Would definately return it if I received it as a gift, and I'd smack the person who gave it to me upside the head. Elizabeth Hurley gets a 9 out of 10 though.

The Indians just traded Brian Anderson for cash and 2 nothings. Great.

Wow. The Browns sure looked good Saturday night. They're Super Bowl bound if they keep up this pace.

Clarett, Shmlarett. Who gives a crap. He sucks and Ohio State sucks too.

I've got your repeat right here.

I rate Ohio State fans right up there win Browns fans as being the worst fans to sit with at a game. I think they should limit all beer sales to the first minute of the first quarter at every game in Ohio. Crap heads. Hey, here's an idea Browns fans. Let's boo our own team. Who cares that they only have 3.61 players on offense. I don't! BOO! Boo I say. Hey ref, here's a beer upside the head, and there's more where that came from. Yeah the team sucks. Yeah the chants are all either "3 and out! 3 and out!" or "P-R-E! V-E-N-T!" Still, have a little class you drunk bastards.

Here's what's going to happen. The Browns will finish 6-10 this year and who will they blame now that Couch isn't the starter? Oh, I'm sure they'll find someone, and that someone's name will rhyme with Gym Slouch. Idiots. They should have a minimum IQ requirement installed in order to get into the stadium.

In movie news.... the trailer for Matrix Revolutions was released today. Why do I get the feeling that I've already seen it? The big fight (apparently) has Neo versus Agent Smith, while they are surrounded by thousands of other Agent Smiths.

Johnny Depp apparently is the new front runner to play Willy Wonka. Give me a break. If I wanted a coke snorting pirate scissorhands then I would've hired Al.