Did you know that in your lifetime...

According to the National Safety Council

You have a 1 in 64,788 chance of dying due to hot tap water.

You have a 1 in 284,071 chance of dying due to changes in air pressure.

You have a 1 in 31,836 change of being squished to death.


There is good news though. According to the NSC, you don't have to worry about being crushed to death by a miscellaneous reptile any time in your life.

Every commercial on TV is for a prescription drug. I can't watch TV for 4 minutes without thinking I have 5 serious diseases.

"Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"

Oh crap, I have this, I have to write this down. Whatever this is, I have this.

Half of the time you don't even know what the commercial is for. There's people running through fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. They always look like the most fun diseases ever. How can I go about getting one of those?

Fantastic news. The first asteroid that I can ever remember having a Torino scale value of 4 was announced today. Say hello to 2004 MN4. It's capable of causing regional devastation with a blast 40 times more powerful than the most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated and it has a 1 in 43 chance of hitting us.

Merry Christmas everyone and go easy on the egg nog.

It's the second day of Winter and we've already got a foot of snow on the ground. Some parts of northern Ohio will apparently get 20 inches. Fantastic.

Normally I wouldn't mind, except that on this particular day my family is driving up from South Carolina and will be doing so for multiple hours in white-out conditions and mixed sleet. Great.

They should be here in about 3 more hours, so hopefully they'll make it with no problems.

Why is Syracuse even in a bowl game? They're horrible. I realize that Akron is the only bowl eligible team that didn't get an invite, so why don't they fly out at half time and replace Syracuse. They certainly couldn't do any worse.

So Vince Carter tipped off the Super Sonics during a game. Here's how I envision the conversation going:

Vince Carter: "Hey guys, I gotta tell you something."
Super Sonics: "What's that?"

Vince Carter: "I suck."
Super Sonics: "We already knew that you fool."

Vince Carter: "Oh yeah? Well I'm also over-rated."
Super Sonics: "Tell me something we don't know."

Vince Carter: "Okay. I will. We're going to run the high screen and roll to the right. I'm going to fade to the corner and kick it back to the key. What do you think about that bitches?"
Super Sonics: "Thanks for the info."

The hot stove league never disappoints and also never fails to point out the payroll imbalances. Does anyone really think that if Oakland had $100 million more a year to spend that they would have traded Hudson and Mulder? Obviously not.

My prayer is that President Bush steps in, kicks out Fehr and Selig, and installs a salary cap, strict drug testing, rookie pay depending on where you were picked (ala the NBA), and stiffer penalties for teams signing free agents.

I have way too much Christmas shopping left to do. It will be pretty sad if I have to take a vacation day in order to get it done.

Get your Washington Nationals souvenirs while you can. If they move, I predict that any item with a Nationals logo will be selling through the roof.

I applaud what Washington DC is doing in regards to MLB. Is it really so unreasonable to ask the team to pay for half of the stadium costs? Who gets the benefits from a new stadium. I do believe it's the team. Why shouldn't they have to pay for half of it?

This whole argument irritates me greatly. Why should taxpayers pay for new stadiums at all? If they do pay, then they should get some of the freaking revenue. I understand the whole argument of "well a new stadium brings new people, which brings in new businesses, which makes more money for everyone." Well that doesn't always pan out. Look at Detroit. Do you think the area around Comerica is thriving? I sure don't. It looks to be as dead and run down as it has always been.

Things I've bought for myself for Christmas so far:

Window tint for my car
Moon roof wind deflector for car
Another TiVo
USB ethernet for another TiVo
Spider-Man 2 DVD
Lord of the Rings Return of the King DVD
Enviracair Humidifier
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for PS2
Bomberman Generations for GameCube
Sly Cooper 2 for PS2

I might be done buying myself things, but I'm not sure yet.

I don't think I ever posted a picture of what my car looks like now that I've tinted it and added the moon roof wind deflector, so here it is.

The Browns.

They are good.

There comes a point in time when you have to stop being called a pessimist and start being called a realist. I think for me that time is now. I said that Purdue would go 7-4 this year. They did. I said the Browns would go 5-11 this year. They'll be lucky to be that good. Everyone said how I was crazy because both of those teams were better than that. Apparently I'm not crazy. Apparently I'm just good at predictions.

I just got back from seeing Trans-Siberian Orchestra at the Gund. The light, laser, and pyro coreography were great. At times the guitars drowned out everything else, and there were some echoing problems with the singing. Other than that it was good. I especially liked O Fortuna from Carmina Burana. At the end of the show they played a rendition of Cleveland Rocks, which it of course does. We had a limo take us to the concert and bring us back, so that was nice too. We didn't have to deal with traffic or parking hassles.

I'd give it a 7 out of 10.

I saw Oceans Twelve today. I disagree with those that say "If you liked Ocean's 11 you're like Oceans 12." I thought 11 was great and had a very slick coolness attached without. In 12, the characters were all back, but the story was MIA. It wasn't slick. It wasn't cool. It wasn't anything but a disappointment. The whole bit with cast member X playing cast member X in real life was contrived and didn't advance the movie at all. The so-called great cameos weren't great, they just seemed like a big failed inside joke. Blah.

4 out of 10.

I won. I finally won at poker. Too bad it was only with 7 people. Not bad though. I walked away with $80. I finished in 2nd once and 3rd twice, but this is my first victory.

One final down, one to go. Finishing early gives me the opportunity to watch the Purdue - Oklahoma basketball game. It's 3:30 into the game and I finally know the name of one Purdue player. Not his first name granted, but a name that I could yell out and he might look.

Hey Ford! Step it up out there!

Here are my picks for the best bowl games to watch and predicitions for each:

Sun Bowl
Purdue - 41
Arizona State - 30

Liberty Bowl
Louisville - 51
Boise State - 38

Outback Bowl
Georgia - 24
Wisconsin - 20

Orange Bowl
USC - 28
Oklahoma - 26

The BCS: Bring College Football one year closer to a playoff.

I'm feeling a little scrawny right now. Does anyone know where I can get some flakseed oil? Maybe I can also use some cream for my arthritic knees.

If my head happens to become the size of a watermelon or my biceps increase in size by 40 inches, it surely must be because of my workout regimen.

I think it's high time Iraq adopted our colored homeland security level scheme.

Monica Crowley. Me likey. Laura Ingraham. Me likey too.

Why wasn't I even aware that Purdue was in the Big Ten - ACC challenge?

Oh, that's right.

They suck.