In order to fix the New York City budget problem I think they should raise the shooting and stabbing tax.

Heidi Collins... so hot. Want to touch the hiney.

Get your reservations for Cedar Point in soon.

Check out the specs for their new coaster here.

It appears that June 2nd and June 3rd are the top contenders for the date to go.

I can get discounted tickets for $26.99 each.

I won't even justify the movie Jackass with a review.

It gets a rating of 2. Would definately return it if I received it as a gift, and I'd smack the person who gave it to me upside the head.

New top ten time.

1. Elizabeth Hurley
2. Angie Everhart
3. Paige Davis
4. Heidi Collins
5. Natalie Portman
6. Rachel Leigh Cook
7. Ashley Judd
8. Famke Janssen
9. Jennifer Garner
10. Lisa Guerrero


Added to the list: Heidi Collins, Lisa Guerrero
Removed from the list: Traylor Howard, Brooke Langton
Close but no cigar: Jessica Simpson
Honorable mention: Nicole Kidman in the movie Birthday Girl

How do you go from a 1.58 ERA to a 5.56 ERA in one game? Just ask Danys Baez.

0 IP
3 Hits
5 Runs
5 Earned Runs
2 Walks
0 K's
1 Home Run

When the Lakers win the championship, the citizens of Los Angeles riot in the streets. When the Red Wings win the championship the people of Detroit further burn down their city When Ohio State beats Michigan the fans mace each other.

What I want to know is where are all the rioters and looters now? Come on... we kicked the crap out of Iraq. Loot! Pillage! Burn something already.

I don't care what you guys say... Heidi Collins is hot. Maybe you need to see her in action, instead of that one crappy photo. Watch CNN next Sunday around 3:30 PM.

I saw Daredevil this weekend. Four words come to mind... not enough Jennifer Garner.

It seems like the movie was about 20 minutes too short. They left out chunks of plot in order to move the story along... why exactly did Garner and Afleck hook up? They meet in a coffee shop, get into a fight on the school yard, and the next thing you know they're hooked up. Did I lose consciousness for part of the movie? It seems like it went from "Hey I kicked you in the groin." to "Hey let's make babies." pretty quickly.

The fight with Kingpin was also over way too fast. The Kingpin is supposed to run all crime in the city, yet you spray him with some water, kick him in the leg, and the fight is over in 2 minutes?. Hmmm.

More fighting, more Jennifer Garner, and more plot equals better movie.

Daredevil gets a rating of : 4. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do.

Take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and put them in the NBA and you have the new Cavs uniforms. The logo especially is quite stinky, like it was imported from France.

If the Cavs get the number one pick in the draft I will punch myself in the face with my brass knuckles on.

You have to wonder what monstrosity the Orient will unleash on humanity next. I mean, SARS, anime, Toyotathons...

Lionel Richie and Rob Zombie have done a remake of the Commodores Brick House.

Interesting combination.

Oh, you're interested in the Lincoln LS? What's that? You want a manual transmission? Can I interest you in the V6? No... you want the V8? Well.... I have this craptastic automatic for you then.

Yeah. That makes sense.

No matter how many times I see the new Maxima I still don't like it.

I want a new car though.

I need $30K.

Please donate.

Mmmm Bridget Moynahan. She's worth watching the Recruit all over again. The only problem is the movie starts off good and then gets better and then gets much much worse very quickly. If the middle was bad but the beginning and ending were good it would've been better, but the ending is just such a pile of crap that it wastes a perfectly good red-headed performance.

The Recruit gets a rating of : 5. Would watch if it was on TV or someone else rented it

My horoscope for the day: Someone will invite me to a karaoke party.

Your horoscope for the day: In spite of the circumstances that brought you together, it would deeply hurt the executioner if you took it personally.

I get to work this whole weekend because of a sucky deadline that I never agreed to. Yay. This isn't even my freaking project, but apparently I'm the only one with a hope of getting it done by Monday so I get stuck with it. Terrific.

Whoopee.

I think after every year the womens champion should play the mens champion in a "Loser gets their program eliminated as a sport" match. That way, eventually all womens athletics would be eliminated and they can get back to making babies and knitting sweaters.

Wouldn't that be great? No longer would we have to hear about how UConn womens basketball is the best sports program ever. Give me a break. Is there one player on that team that can dunk? Hello!!!! That makes them no better than big and slow me.

Can womens basketball be filled with any more ugly women? It's like watching a "I got hit in the head with a hammer" show. Damn it. If those girls were attractive then people might watch their useless sport.

Heidi Collins.

I was watching Fox News last night. As some embedded reporter was interview marines who had taken over one of Saddam's palaces, the Iraqi information minister was still idiotically saying that the US wasn't in Bagdhad. Apparently the Iraqi regime seems to think that we must be on a big sound stage and we're just faking the whole war and that the buildings in Iraq are collapsing for no reason.

The Indians home opener has already been postponed today because we are expecting 3 inches of snow. They moved it to tomorrow afternoon, which was originally an off-day. That means that the stadium will probably be half empty. After all, if I took off today to go to the game, I'm not going to take off another day to go to the real one.

Rock Chalk, Suckhawk!

What is up with ESPN Page 2's obsession with Jennie Finch? I don't even think she's that attractive. And how did Britney Spears beat the Bachelorette? What a crock.

Hey. It's not April Fools day anymore.

I just heard that Danny Almonte got called up from Little League to take over for Derek Jeter.

Yay.

LANGLEY, VA--The CIA announced Monday that it suspects Saddam Hussein's latest televised address was pre-recorded, pointing to its suspiciously dated reference to Nelly's "Hot In Herre," a rap hit from the summer of 2002.

"For the enemy invaders of Iraq, it soon will get truly hot in here," Hussein said in the speech, which was televised worldwide Monday. "No amount of clothing removal will be sufficient to withstand what awaits them on the battlefield."

Watching Fox News do live shots with people in Iraq can be amusing at times. First the guys lips are moving and words are coming out later, like it's Kung Fu Iraq. Next, they get the guy back on with properly moving lips and there's just 10 seconds of dead air and eventually the guy in Iraq asks "So.... do you want me to talk about anything?"

Gotta love live TV.

This just in: I'm engaged.