Start paging people at random, tell them your hair is on fire, get up and start dancing around and then throw gold coins into the air. Then you will be able to print in portrait mode.

>> Try it again using the password: 'summer1'

Idiot: number one?

>> No, summer like the season, and the number one.

Idiot: Number, like the season?

>> *Sigh* yes... number. Like the season.

Idiot: Do you mean summer ZERO one?

>> No, just summer and the number one.

Idiot: I know, but is there a ZERO before the one?

First there was Survivor. Then there was American Idol. Now, coming to Fox this fall: America's Nakedest Women.

My new toy, complete with DVD burner, will be here next week. Yay for me.

Everyone should make sure to watch for Crazy Uncle Zydrunas at the NBA all-star game.

Oh man, what's that smell? Hey! It's the Red Sox!

Aw, come on now. What did I just step in? Oh! It's the Yankees!

Rubiks Cube, oh how I hate thee.

You know what I miss? I miss watching True Lies 40 times a semester on BTV and making chicken pizza things and dipping them in Miracle Whip.

You know what I don't miss? I don't miss the hurricance force winds that assaulted me every Winter day for 4 years and I don't miss the zamboni's that used to drive along the sidewalks and polish the ice.

Owwww!!! My neck! My back! My neck and my back!

So hot... want to touch the hiney.

You wanna know why the Raiders lost the Super Bowl? It's because their offensive coordinator called the "throw an interception and let them run it back for a touchdown" play too many times and didn't call the "run 98 yards for a touchdown" play enough. It's just that simple.

This just in: I'll be sitting court side at the Cavs - Magic game on March 2nd. Section 8, row 2, seat 5. Nice.

The latest rumor from ESPN.com says Among the most intriguing? League sources told Insider over the weekend that Cleveland's Zydrunas Ilgauskas, the Sixers' Eric Snow and the Raptors' Alvin Williams are all being dangled right now.

Ilgauskas has teams licking their chops for one reason -- when he's healthy, he's one of the two or three best offensive centers in the league. The big question though, is how much longer he can stay off crutches. After missing two full seasons with foot injuries, Ilgauskas made a miraculous comeback midway through last season. Is there a team out there willing to take the risk?

He has been phenomenal for the Cavs through the first half, which is partly why Cleveland wants to trade him -- his value has never been higher. Cavs GM Jim Paxson is also concerned that the heavy minutes he logged under John Lucas's tutelage will eventually catch up with him. Add three young centers -- DeSagana Diop, Chris Mihm and Michael Stewart -- to the mix and you can understand the Cavs' motivation. They need their young bigs to get more playing time and would love to be out from under the remaining two years and $28 million of Ilgauskas's contract.

So, who is rumored to be interested? The Knicks could put together a package of Charlie Ward, Travis Knight and Othella Harrington that would put them in the picture. Ward only has $2 million worth of salary protection on his contract next season, Knight has just one more year left on his deal, and Harrington's salary won't do any major cap damage. The move would allow the Cavs to clear about $5 million in additional cap room for next summer and $11 million of cap space for the summer of 2004.

The Jazz could also be interested, possibly shipping Greg Ostertag, John Amaechi, Jason Collins and a No. 1 draft pick. And the Blazers, always willing to wheel and deal, have looked at moving soon-to-be free agents Scottie Pippen and Antonio Daniels to Cleveland for Ilguaskas, Tyrone Hill and Michael Stewart.

I think it would be folly for the Cavs to trade Z. They've waited for 2 years for him to get healthy, and now that he finally is, they want to trade him... It fits perfectly with Paxons theory though: when a player gets good, trade them.

Guess what? Oakland fans seem to riot whether they win or lose. Why is that exactly? Hmmm... they may have been a tad inebriated. Or maybe they just like to light things on fire.

I saw Catch Me If You Can -- starring Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio, and a minor role by Jennifer Garner -- over the weekend. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't purchase it. On the crazy movie scale, it gets a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent

I also saw A Beautiful Mind, and let me tell you, the only beautiful thing about that movie was the way Jennifer Connelly looked at times. A Beautiful Mind, otherwise known as, A Beautiful Piece Of Over-rated Hollywood Crap, receives a score of 3. Would probably return it if I received it as a gift. To put it another way... I had more fun doing 5 way Nash equilibriums in Econ than I did watching this movie.

The best thing about the Super Bowl this year... Shania Twains outfit.
The best commercial during the Super Bowl... The ad for Alias, where Jennifer Garner is in lingerie.
Overall... the commercials were crappy, and the game was terribly boring.

The spread on the Super Bowl is 3 - 3 1/2 points. I think that whoever wins will win by about 14 though. I think it's possible for Tampa Bay to shut down Oakland, and I also think it's possible for Oakland to score a boat load on Tampa Bay. The first couple of minutes will determine the game I think.

I'm leaning towards Tampa though.

It's quite odd... people who I don't know have left multiple comments on this page on the very first day I make comments available. I can honestly say I never would have thought that would happen.

Great. According to this article on ESPN.com LeBron James is mad that the Cavs fired John Lucas. Apparently they were fairly close -- ever since Lucas got fined $150K for having James at a practice. That's all the Cavs need... with any luck now, they'll get the number 1 pick and James will not sign with the Cavs.

Terrific.

Women I'm currently not dating:

Elizabeth Hurley
Angie Everhart
Paige Davis

Songs I'm currently listening to:

Bring Me To Life by Evanescence
Still Waiting by Sum 41
Starry Eyed Surprise by Paul Oakenfold

Ok so the comments do occassionally have a problem. People can post them, but sometimes it says comments(0) even when there are comments. I'm working on it, but it may not be fixable. Who knows.

Some people seem to be commenting quite a lot, and it actually seems to be working.

My web page! It's FAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN-tastic!

Today is bonus day. Yay. That means I get to buy more stuff that I'll never use.

Adding comments was a pain, and it still seems like they don't work perfectly, but for now this is all you're going to get.

Now start commenting!

I wear short shorts.

I think the Bengals should select Pete Rose with the number 1 pick.

Did anyone see Darius Miles get smoked by Tracy McGrady last night? There were about 117 people in the Gund, but they don't count because they were paid to be there. Darius (in theory) can play all 5 positions. The problem is that he can't play any of them well. Maybe he is just demorialized. Maybe he misses Quentin Richardson. Maybe he has hit himself in the head 1 too many times. Who knows.

Instead of playing the Super Bowl, I think that Al Davis should wrestle Jon Gruden for the trophy.

Also, I think Al Davis should go on tour with the Rolling Stones. He already dresses like a geriatric member of the Backstreet Boys.

Hey now, you're a rock star, blah blah blah blah, hey.

I think that the Cavs are going to be sorely disappointed when they end up with the worst record in the NBA, yet get the #3 draft pick.

cough
FIX
cough

The NBA can't let a potential big draw play outside of a big market. It just can't happen. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt I am.

Super Bowl XXXVII: Oakland Raiders vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers. My prediction? One of those teams will have a player who catches an oblong object and crosses a white line. When that happens, a "referee" will raise his hands and say, "Hey. I want a sandwich this long." The team that has the most long sandwiches will obtain more "points" than the other team.

You heard it here first. When you go to Vegas, make sure to bet on the sandwiches.

Hey Oakland Raider fans, the Raiders just beat the Titans and are now headed to the Super Bowl. What are you going to do next?

We're going to go downtown and light things on fire! Woo!

John Lucas has been fired as head coach of the Cavs. Why? Does this team have the talent to win it all? Hardly. I agree that they can be playing better than they are, but isn't it about time that the players take responsibility for that instead of the coach? How many coaches do the Cavs have to get before they realize that the general manager makes bad trades and drafts bad players? They're stupid.

Insanity. Cedar Point is building the "Top Thrill Dragster." It is 420 feet tall, and goes 120 MPH. Did I mention that it goes straight down also? Did I mention that it does a barrel roll while going straight down? Perhaps I mentioned that this is insanity.

I've got a lot of money to spend. If you happen to have my phone number, feel free to call me and suggest things for me to buy.

I saw the movie Signs over the weekend. I don't think it had as good an ending as The Sixth Sense, but then again, very few movies do. It was worth watching... the plot was good, the acting was good (especially the little girl), and the use of silence was especially good. Overall I'd give it a 6/10 on my extremely harsh scale.

6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent

Hey Steelers! Cry me a river.

Yippee! Shane Spencer! Hooray! The savior of Cleveland Indians baseball is here!

Now if they could only sign 10 more guys who can hit .240, they'd be World Series contenders.

I think Butch Davis should change his name to "I love the prevent defense. I love it so much I want to marry it." Davis.

Keith Jackson: Oh this could be a big one! He might break it! There he goes! Touchdown!

Dan Fouts: It was a two yard loss Keith.

Keith Jackson: That's what I said. Touchdown!


Someone (me) thinks that someone (Keith Jackson) should retire.

Whhhhhhhhoooooooooaaaaaaaaaa Nelly! Keith Jackson is a retard.

What a completely horrible pass interference call by the ref in the endzone. Miami should be showering in champagne now, but instead the ref remembered, after 10 seconds, that he wanted to be more important than the game itself.

What a bunch of crap.

I saw Shallow Hal and The Royal Tenenbaums yesterday. Neither one was nearly as funny as I thought they would be. The funniest part of either was at the very end of The Royal Tenenbaums, after Royal dies of a heart attack, they show the writing he wanted put on his tombstone... "He died tragically while saving his family on a sinking battleship."

Shallow Hal: 4 out of 10. Would watch it on TV if there was nothing else on and I had nothing better to do.
.

The Royal Tenenbaums: 3 out of 10. Would probably return it if I received it as a gift.

Apparently other people actually read this crap. What's wrong with them? Don't they have anything better to do than read the things that I write when I have nothing better to do?

It makes you wonder.