This is the last post of 2006. I was in Maryland this past week from Tuesday through Thursday. We got back at about 3:30 AM on Friday morning. Then we went down to my aunt and uncles house and didn't get back until about 3:30 PM Saturday afternoon. For two days in a row I had 4 hours of sleep, so now I'm going to go take a nap before the New Years Eve festivities begin.

Happy New Year and I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Cheers to 2007.

With but a single exception, the presents are all wrapped. I've been told that I need a bow for the last one, so off I go to purchase one.

I'd like to wish everyone a safe and very merry Christmas. Enjoy the time with family and soak up the atmosphere while you can.

Here it is nearly Christmas and I've already got over half of my presents. At this rate, I will not have much to actually open on Christmas day, but I think I'm okay with that. I'm not that kid who wakes up at 6:00 AM to run down the stairs and shake all his presents anymore. Now I'm the jaded old man that sleeps in until 10. There's something to be said for keeping that childlike feeling about Christmas, but for now, with no snow on the ground (or in sight) and no one else in my house, I just feel a little "eh."

BMW says...




Audi responds...




Suburu chimes in...




Bentley has the final say.

There'll be no snow in Cleveland come Christmas.

Thanks global warming!

I haven't paid any attention to the NFL this entire weekend. I couldn't tell you a single thing about any of it if I didn't have a fantasy team. I'm looking forward to the NFL season ending as that means it's nearly March Madness time (i.e the best time of the year.)

My dad was taken to the emergency room today. He said that he was feeling light-headed and very dizzy. They did a CT-scan and didn't find any swelling or bleeding, so that's all good. They said that everything appears to be normal. They gave him some medicine to help with the dizziness and told him to make sure he keeps drinking a lot of water.

There's the occasional step backwards, but overall there's a lot of forward progress in his recovery.

Tomorrow I hope to finish my Christmas shopping. I've just got a few more people to get for and then I'll be done. Thankfully to this point I've been able to avoid the mad house feeling of shopping at this time of the year. How did I pull that off? By getting most of it done before Thanksgiving.

You know what they say; the early bird gets a perm..

The weather outside is freaking fantastic! Mid 50's in the middle of December in Cleveland? You're kidding right? I can only assume that that means it will be 12 below zero in June.

I'm done with school for 5 weeks! It's very exciting. I'm only taking one class next semester, Monday from 6:00 - 9:00 PM, so I'll enjoy that too. Hooray for school. Only 3 more classes and I will complete my epic journey to a bachelors degree.

My dad just got home from the hospital. The doctors now say that he'll be home for 6-8 weeks before he can go back work. Initially the doctor said 4 weeks, so I'm not sure what changed. It's good that he's home though.

"I did what I did because I had to protect my family. You know how it is. A basketball's got to step up and take care of it's own. It's hard out here for a ball. I didn't want to resort to violence, but sometimes that's the only thing people understand."

- Synthetic NBA basketball

NBA commissioner David Stern, in a stunning reversal, has decided to shelve the new microfiber composite basketball after just a few months of use and switch back to the old leather model for all games starting Jan. 1, according to sources close to the situation.

Despite an avalanche of player complaints about the new synthetic model from the first day of training camp in October, skepticism was high among players that Stern would consent to a change during the season. But with a number of prominent players complaining of cuts on their hands caused by the new ball's high-friction cover -- Phoenix's Steve Nash and New Jersey's Jason Kidd among them -- Stern was forced to concede that an in-season swap was unavoidable with the new ball inflicting injuries.

This article makes it sound like the new NBA basketball is that spinning ball of death from the movie Phantasm . It's as if the ball is out there decapitating people for bricking a foul shot. I don't remember hearing Joe Tait proclaim "Here's LeBron at the line. He's 4-6 tonight. He puts this one up and it clanks off the front of the rim. Oh, look at that! The ball just cut his arms off! LeBron's going to need to stitches after that one."

If the new basketball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

The new basketball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, the new basketball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of the new basketball, Spalsing, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of the new basketball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

The new basketball has been shipped to our troops in Iraq and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Afghanistan.

Do not taunt the new basketball.

My dad should be coming home early this week. We saw him today and he seemed to be in good spirits. It's really remarkable how a week after brain surgery, we're already talking about coming home.

Even better news about my dad today. He's having a MRA now (Magnetic Resonance Angiogram) and if that comes back clean they may move him to a regular step down room as early as tonight. That could conceivably mean he can come home on Monday.

Today was a very good day for my dad. He had gotten some sleep, was able to eat with no problems, the drugs weren't affecting him at all, and he wasn't in any discomfort.

The neurologist said that everything is looking good, and that he should get out of the ICU on Monday and then go to step down for 1-2 days. Then he can go home.

After he goes home, they want to check on him in 4 weeks. Assuming everything is still okay at that point, he can go back to work.

Now I know why school was closed on Monday and Tuesday in my city. I live near the lake, so I got relatively little snow (3 inches) because the lake temperature is still in the 50s (lake effect snow.) Three miles south of the lake they got 6 inches of snow on Monday and 9 inches of snow on Tuesday. Now it makes more sense as to why the schools were closed.

I can live in comfort now when it comes to the snow, but eventually (late January or February) the lake effect is going to be drilling me as the temperature of the lake will be much lower. Cleveland's west side rarely gets lake effect snow, but we east siders get it all the time because of the geography of Ohio. It's like two completely different cities. There was an article in the Cleveland Plain Dealer about who are better drivers and how the west siders think the east siders exaggerate their snowfalls and how the east siders think the west siders can't handle the slightest bit of snow.

Well, I think the east siders were proven correct. The west side got 5 inches of snow yesterday and basically came to a stand still. Commute times doubled plus some. In the mean time, I made it work as if nothing had changed.

East Siiiiiiiiiiiiide!

We got 2 inches of snow yesterday and school was closed. We got 3 inches of snow today and school is closed. What the heck is going on? Do these people realize that we live in Cleveland? It snows here. The roads were perfectly fine to drive on. It makes no sense to have 2 days in a row where school is closed, but the weather is fine.

It's not like we're in Atlanta. We have snow removal equipment. This also isn't Indiana. We don't just throw dirt on top of the snow and expect it to go away. There's a little thing called salt. It helps to keep ice from forming. It makes driving very easy.

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round, unless there's a millimeter of snow on the ground.

My dad was doing much better today. He had finally been able to eat some solid food, so all of the drugs they have him on are not making him nauseous any longer. He wasn't in as much discomfort either, since they took the sheath out of his leg. The doctors said he'd be in the ICU until at least Monday though. All in all, things have improved a lot in one day.

Yesterday my dad came out of surgery okay. There was a complication during surgery. The aneurysm is on one of the main arteries to the brain, so they had to keep it open during surgery so that it could supply blood to the brain. During the surgery however, it closed or slowed down substantially, they didn't know which. It was closed/slow for a short amount of time, and while they didn't think that would cause any problems, they wouldn't know for sure for 1-2 days. That type of activity can lead to a blood clot or to a stroke.

When we saw him in recovery, he was in good spirits - as good as one can have considering you have just had brain surgery and have 100 tubes sticking out of your body. For the surgery they put in a large catheter into his groin, and went through that artery into the brain. How they managed to do that, I have no idea, but it's pretty freaking amazing.

Well tonight while I was there, they planned on taking that out. Once they do that, he'll get some range of movement in his legs again. He may be able to get out of bed and walk around soon. He's looking forward to that, as would anyone that's been bedridden for any amount of time.

He's having a hard time with nausea now, as he hasn't eaten anything except for chicken broth in 4 days and they're giving him narcotics for the pain. He's seeing spots and flashes and is generally sick to his stomach. Imagine drinking 2 bottles of vodka on an empty stomach and I guess you'd have the idea, though I can't say for sure since I don't drink.

They had to do another surgery today. They put another catheter into his shoulder so that they can monitor his blood pressure directly. They're forcing fluids into his veins so as to raise his blood pressure. Since the aneurysm was leaking blood, a part of his brain was somewhat deprived of the normal blood flow. The increase in the blood pressure will help to offset that and will "revive" that part of the brain. That's how it was explained to me anyway.

He's got a long way to go still, 1-2 weeks in the ICU and then probably another 2 weeks in the "regular" hospital before he can come home, but so far, so good.

My dad went in for a more detailed dye test to determine exactly what would be the best procedure to handle his aneurysm, coiling it or clipping it. I was planning on leaving for the hospital around 11:00, since the test was at 8:00 and was supposed to take 2 hours. About 11:30 I got a call that his surgery might be scheduled for 1:00 PM today and that we needed to hurry to the hospital ASAP. I had picked up my younger brother and sister to take them to the hospital with me. We got there at about 12:15, and apparently my dad had said that they could do whatever they needed to do, but that he wasn't going anywhere until he saw his kids. I certainly wasn't prepared for surgery to happen today, especially anything as serious as brain surgery, though I obviously knew that it was coming up... It was an emotional time before he went in to prep, since I honestly didn't know if that was the last time I'd see him or not.

The surgeon and anesthesiologist talked to us before the surgery and explained what they'd be doing, as well as potential complications - one of which was stroke. They said that the procedure would take from 3 to 6 hours and then 2 hours in recovery before we could see him.

This is just part one. I'll finish part two tomorrow as I'm beat. It was a long day. Long story short (for now) he's doing as well as can be expected.

Last night my dad went home and was in the shower and he blacked out. He fell on his back and hit his head. The next thing he remembers was that he woke up on his back on the bathroom floor and his towel was covered in blood. He had a 2 inch gash on the back of his head and he was throwing up (signs of a concussion.) My step-mom rushed him to the hospital and he was admitted. They did a CAT-scan and they found that he had blood on the brain.

The hospital he was at does not have a neurosurgery department, so they were going to life flight him downtown to the Cleveland Clinic. The Clinic itself had no open beds, so they sent him to a Cleveland Clinic network hospital that happened to be about 5 minutes from Lindsay's house, which is where I was at the time. The life flight helicopters weren't available though, so he went in an ambulance (about 50 minutes in the pouring rain.)

I didn't hear any of this until about 7:45 last night though, and I guess he first fell around 4:30. When he fell my step-mom wasn't home, but my brother and sister were. They heard a loud crash and went to investigate, but the bathroom door was locked. It wasn't until later when my dad stumbled out of the bathroom that they knew what was going on. They called the doctor at that time.

Anyway, back to last night. He didn't actually get to the hospital with the neuro intensive care unit until about 10:00. I got there about 10:15 and we were allowed to go see him at about 10:25. He was coherent, knew who we were, and what our relationships were, etc, which is very good. They are doing another CAT-scan at 8:30 this morning, so I'll be heading up there soon. There was only a general surgeon on duty last night, but the neuro-surgeon is there this morning. He's going to review all the stuff last night to see if they can figure out why he blacked out. Blacking out is much worse than just having slipped in the shower, since now they need to determine the cause of it so that they can correct it. The nurse last night said that the blood on the brain may just be from how severely he hit his head and that it may be re-absorbed by this morning. If it isn't, then that's much worse. Considering how much worse it could've been, he's doing very well. I'll know more soon though.

So I've started taking vitamins in order to feel better, but there's a problem. Do you have any idea how many vitamins you need to eat before you feel full?

Only two more weeks and this cursed semester ends. After that I have 5 of what are sure to be the most fantastic weeks I've ever had.

Dear school,

I hate you.

Sincerely,

Me

I just learned that Jay Cutler, the new starting QB for the Broncos, was born in Santa Claus, Indiana. What else is in Santa Claus, Indiana you might ask? Why, Holiday Foods of course! Oh, you were thinking of Holiday World? Well, not everyone has been to Holiday World, so I figured I'd go with the more obscure and choose the grocery store instead.

I'm back home in (believe it or not) warm and sunny Cleveland, Ohio. I had no problems on this entire trip, which leads me to believe that my house will shortly burn down due to an overheated Roomba.

It's 61 degrees here, which is warmer than Charlotte was when I left. This is fantastic. I predict that it will not be Winter here until I take my Summer tires off my car. Therefore, I am king of the weather. If it pleases me, I shall leave it to be Summer all year round. So sayeth me!

Welcome to the day after Thanksgiving in America. Here in the South, people pretend yesterday never even existed and hibernated until 3:00 AM this morning, when they all awoke in unison to go shopping. The lines at Kohl's were around the building at 5:00 AM. Most of the things that Wal-Mart was selling were gone by 5 minutes after 5:00 AM. How do I know this? Second hand, as I (being a smart northerner) blissfully stayed in my comfy bed until 9:00 AM. My mom was foolhardy enough to go out and brave the masses of humanity this morning. She wanted to buy some computer that was 50% off. They only had seven, and they were all gone by the time they got there.

My shopping consisted of going to Kohl's.com at 1:00 AM to get a lot of the bargains I wanted. I was able to get about 2/3 of the items I wanted, but not all of the specials were available online. I need to thank Lindsay for that little tidbit. Instead of going to the store at 5:00 AM and battling armies, I can just sit at home and get some of the same deals online. It worked fantastically.

Happy Thanksgiving! Make sure that you tell at least one turkey today that they taste delicious and did not die in vain. They died so that you could spend quality family time together watching football and falling asleep from all of the tryptophan.

I made it here in one piece. There was a lot of fog and a lot of rain in both Charlotte and Columbia, but other than delays and kids that liked to clap loudly on the plane while others were trying to sleep, there were no problems.

I arrived in Charlotte 15 minutes after my conection was supposed to have left, but they held it for me, which was nice. It was a little prop job that only held about 35 people. There was a surprising amount of room on it though. The plane as a Dash 8-300, and other than being loud because of the propellers, wasn't actually that bad. It's only a 25 minute flight from Charlotte to Columbia anyway.

Coming back, I'm just flying out of Charlotte. I'll be back to C-Town on Monday afternoon.

We (Lindsay and I) just got back from the Cavs game. I had obtained the company seats (C110 club level) for the game. It was blown wide open early on. The Cavs were up by 21. Then in the fourth quarter, the Cavs had let Memphis close it to a single point. The Cavs still won, but it's that lack of killer instinct that could haunt them in the playoffs.

Anyway, I'm off to South Carolina tomorrow for Thanksgiving. It's typically this time of the year that I have my flying adventures. The winds are high, the temperatures are cold, and there are millions of people traveling. Hopefully this year, the adventures are kept to an absolute minimum. I nearly died last year and I don't want to replicate that this year.

Happy Thanksgiving all. Be safe in your travels.

I can't recall ever being so beaten down by an exam as I've been tonight. I will be ecstatic if I can pull off a passing grade. Any passing grade.

I predict the average grade on this exam will be less than 50%. It was just ridiculous.

Hey, we're doing Java here. Now I expect you to remember how to create test suites to test all of the methods and classes that I also expect you to write. Yay! We did that once. Remember that? It wasn't in the book, but we talked about it for 20 minutes about 3 weeks ago. That will come in very handy on those questions that make up 70% of the exam. I am a good teacher. Hooray for me. I am not covered in feces.

- My professor

I just purchased an iRobot Roomba Discovery SE. Eric suggested that I ask for one for Christmas, which I thought was a great idea. Instead though, I just bought it myself because I couldn't wait any longer and a great deal came along (50% off.)

Hooray for robots. I, for one, welcome my floor cleaning robotic overlords!

Heading out shortly. Justin and Melissa should get in around 12:00 and then I'll show them the house for a bit and let them wind down from their rip before we begin again. Then we'll head to Steak-N-Shake for the traditional pre-trip/mid-trip/post-trip/pre-game/post-game meal. Afer that, we'll head to the west side to pick up Lindsay as she gets off from school and then we'll finally be headed to the Dowd Fortress of Splenditude.

We'll be in to Indy tonight around 9:30 and then heading to Purdue bright and early tomorrow. Maybe even early enough that we can buy something at Steve and Barry's that says Purdue Football on it. That would be a nice change.

Here's a quick rundown of what's been going down lately:

My brother had successful surgery to remove the pins from his foot and hand. He can now put some pressure on his foot, but isn't supposed to be walking yet.

My grandmother is going to have her biopsy scheduled, but I have no idea when the surgery will be.

I'm heading to Purdue this weekend with Lindsay, Justin, and Melissa to watch a victory against IU. Maybe I can bring back the old jokes like "Take your safety like a man!" or "Hey kid, wanna hear a joke? IU!"

It's 10:05 and school still sucks.

My companies stock was up $7 over the past two days at one point. Now it's only up $4.50, but still, that's a nice chunk of change. If it goes up another $3.50, then I'm selling everything I've got and maybe even some stuff that I don't have. Frankly, it's tempting to do that already. If I sold now though, I'd still be a little short of my goal. In an ideal world, our stock would split, and then I'd not be forced to sell everything. So here's to that. Please split and then go up $40. Or $400. Either one. Just split and skyrocket and do it quickly. Daddy needs a new pair of Ferrari's.

Is this what it feels like to be hit in the face with a shovel?

Son of a bitch!

I am in desperate need of caffeine. Or something. I've got this torture for another 30 minutes. I can't take it. I'm going crazy. This class is so useless!

Here's the breakdown:

Look at this slide. Oh wait. See this code here? This is wrong. Ignore that part.
Next slide. Fragilè. It must be Italian! Well, it could be anything in there. Oh! It's a lamp. What a great lamp.
Next slide. We should have an example. Here it is. Wait, I don't know why I did it that way.
Next slide. I like to wear womens underwear on my head.

Only one of those statements is not exactly what he said. Can you guess which one?

This guy needs to be sent to Guantanamo. I'm willing to talk! I give up! I'll tell you anything you want to know!

I'm very tired right now. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through class tonight without falling asleep. It's bad enough that I nearly fall asleep in it when I'm not tired at all... I will definitely need some kind of distraction to keep me going.

Tonight would be one of those perfect nights to go to bed at 6:00 PM. Call me a grandpa if you want, but that would be perfect.

So I met nearly all of the remainder of Lindsay's family and I have to say, all went well. I was mostly concerned aboutt he not so much younger brother, but I think in the end I really had nothing to worry about at all. I think it will be very easy to fit in with everyone. I've still yet to meet her younger sister, but that's the last of the immediate family. Rumor has it that she's coming to C-Town sometime before Christmas though, so after that I'll have met the whole fam. Yay for me. I am awesome!

Tonight we got here around 6:30 and ate dinner. We had authentic Maryland crab cakes -- and while I'm not much of a crab eater, these were quite good. Then we had some dessert, as if I needed more food. Afer dinner, we ended up playing poker and I finished in second to her mom. I got my money back, so not all was lost. We're coming back home tomorrow, but I'll be back out here after Christmas. At that time I'll stay a few days and get to see the mighty 4 way stop in downtown. I'm quite excited.

I feel like crap today. I don't know what the deal is. I took some NyQuil last night. I've sucked down some Tylenol this morning (hopefully the kind that has been recalled... metal makes it better.) I'm thinking about going home for the rest of the day. I can't really explain how I feel, it's just generally like crap.

I blame Ohio. Hey it's 70 degrees today! Oh, sorry. That was 3 minutes ago. Now it's 3. 3 degrees. Hope you bundled up and brought your snow shoes!

On a side note, I have a LOT of leaves in my yard. As in, I can't see my grass. At all. I just went home at lunch yesterday and mulched a bunch of them too. The rest I blew into a big pile. Well today, the pile is still there, but new leaves have returned to their home on my grass. I don't even want to this about my backyard. It's basically just one gigantic leaf collage. One day I'll hopefully have a leaf picking up party. Everyone is invited. BYOR (bring your own rake).

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I will be when this semester is over. I'm looking forward to entire days of nothing. I'm looking forward to going home after work and going to sleep at 6:00 PM if I want to. I honestly can't wait.

I don't even remember the last time I had multiple waking hours where I had nothing planned and I didn't need to do anything.

I know you'll be shocked, but I'm fairly certain that I hate school.

What's even worse is that I have 3 classes left and they still say that one of them is a prerequisite. What that means is that I can either go 4 days a week next semester... Monday and Wednesday mornings and Tuesday and Thursday nights (ultra-convenient) or that I can only take 1 class on Tuesdays from 6:00 - 9:00 PM. I'll probably end up doing that, just because the other schedule would be so ridiculous.

Strike my previous statement. I definitely hate school.

The next month is going to be a busy one. I'm heading to Maryland this weekend, Purdue next weekend, and South Carolina the weekend after that.

This weekend I get to pull a Ben Stiller and meet the parents. I've already met her Mom, but this weekend I'll meet her Dad for the first time.

Next weekend I'll watch as Purdue loses to IU. I keep telling myself that I want to go to games that I think will be wins, and then Purdue either loses or struggles mightily in the game.

Then over Thanksgiving weekend, it's all the fried turkey you can get. I can't wait.

Shoot Bird with Seasoning Pellets! The Bird you just shot is ready to Cook

Why didn't I think of this? A company has invented a gun shot that actually seasons the bird while it kills it. Just what I've always wanted. I often say to myself, "Self, I wish I had the time to properly season this bird that I've just killed."

Well, now I do.

Season Shot is made of tightly packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable food product. The seasoning is actually injected into the bird on impact seasoning the meat from the inside out. When the bird is cooked the seasoning pellets melt into the meat spreading the flavor to the entire bird. Forget worrying about shot breaking your teeth!

Hooray for technology!

Allow me to do my part to get the word out.

Boiled Sports has now launched, amongst much fan fare.

I am but a humble contributor there, but I think that it does have potential.

And now for a momentary sports update:

The Browns actually played well enough to lose yesterday. Way to go guys! That's a big improvement from the norm, when the Browns play well enough to be called cheerleaders.

The Cavs go to San Antonio and beat the Fighting Duncans and then proceed to go to Charlotte and lose. That doesn't make sense. Why would Chewbacca live on Endor? If that doesn't make any sense, which I'm fairly certain is the case, feel free to check out the footnote below.

Guillermo Mota was banished for 50 games for steroids. My only question is this... why did he wait so long? It would appear that he waited until he was traded to New York before he started using them. He was certainly awful enough with the Indians. Sure could've used them then. What's the deal?

Purdue won a game that I was fairly certain they would lose. It's encouraging and discouraging at the same time. If they can pull out these last 3 games, they'll likely go to a good bowl game and get demolished. Taking each game individually, I think they're all winnable. I don't expect them to win them all, but they could. If that happened, they would be the worst 9 win team in history. It would be like watching Notre Dame in a BCS game.


Footnote:

Chewbacca Defense


Johnnie Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Gerald Broflovski: Dammit!
Chef: What?
Gerald: He's using the Chewbacca Defense!
Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

My grandmother's PET scan results came back this week. They were negative for any signs of cancer. The doctors want to do another biopsy to verify that the cancer has been removed before they commit to saying she's in remission. The biopsy is in about 2 weeks. If that comes back clean, she'll be a cancer survivor and in remission hopefully for the rest of her life.

I used to write reviews of independent music, but I stopped about a year ago. I just didn't have the time necessary to keep it up. Anyway... today I got an email from one of the bands I reviewed (KittyViolet). They thanked me for the words, etc, etc. It's cool to know that people are reading my stuff, even if it is a year after the fact.

It's Justin's birthday and he'll cry if he wants to, cry if he wants to, cry if he wants to. You would cry too if you were as old as him.

We've got Deloitte in here SOX auditing us today. Yay! I can't tell you how exciting it is. We got our typical 18 hours notice that they'll be here for the next week. We used to have KPMG but we fired them as our auditors. Why we did that I'm not completely sure. It probably had something to do with their costs and how they liked to sit around and not do anything. The only problem with that is that we had finally gotten KPMG trained so that they understood what it is that we do here and how our processes work. Now we're back to hand-holding for a few audits, which sucks.

Thankfully I have minimal interaction with the auditors, but it's still a stressful event for the department.

I wonder how many billions of dollars the Sarbanes-Oxley act has cost U.S. businesses... all because of a single solitary event. I love it when politicians over-react. It's like they feel they've got to do SOMETHING or else people will think they don't care. Well guess what? The people forget EVERYTHING as soon as it's not on TV anymore. Take a step back and examine the situation rationally for once. Not every single company out there is trying to screw the investors. Is some oversight good? Certainly. Is this complete overkill? Absolutely.

Happy Halloween everyone. I'm glad that we were able to break out the 30 reply email chain over the past two days. Nothing like the talk of candy corn and dirty diapers to remind you of a fun childhood...

I want to try a new tradition with trick-or-treaters. I want to exchange candy. I will give them four pieces if they give me two. They're still coming out ahead and I'm not stuck handing out the same kind candy all night (i.e. I'm not stuck EATING the same kind of candy all night.)

Here's the candy I'd like to get tonight: Snickers, Rolo, Bottle Caps, Runts, Chewy Spree, Kit Kat, and last but not least... Pez, because nothing says yummy like the regurgitated contents of Spider-Man's disembodied head.

And so the NBA season begins... the Cavs should be good this year (read: better than last year), but I'm not convinced that their record will be any better. The teams in the Central have improved quite a bit while the Cavs have basically relied on people getting healthy and coming back from down years. I think that's a fair move, but there's still definite issues to be worked on. First and foremost is the non-existant team defense. Secondly is the pathetic point guard play. Eric Snow is a good defender but is a complete liability on the offensive side of the floor. LeBron is a good play maker, but he can't run the offense. The whole team just stands still and waits for him to break down someone one on one.

I think the Cavs need to run more this year and take advantage of the athletes on the team. When Z is on the floor and they go big, they need to work on the half court set. The half court wins in the playoffs. Pick and roll. Screen and post. Do something other than stand and wait until 2 seconds are on the clock and then hoist up a desperation jumper.

My hope is that Larry Hughes can come back and create things defensively while also opening up the lanes on the offensive side.

Here's a couple of lineups that would create a lot of matchup problems for other teams:

BIG
PG: LeBron James
SG: Larry Hughes
SF: Drew Gooden
PF: Donyell Marshall
C: Zydrunas Ilgauskus

SMALL
PG: Eric Snow
SG: Larry Hughes
SF: LeBron James
PF: Anderson Varejao
C: Drew Gooden

I think 50 wins is possible, and actually should be the floor for this team. I don't know how to read the other teams improvements yet though, so I guess we'll see.

I do not see a trip to the finals this year, but eastern conference finals are reachable.

Here's a picture of a hot chick and some dude.



For those of you whom I haven't talked to in a while, I'd like to introduce Lindsay (she's the hot chick on the right) and I would hope you recognize myself (the devastatingly handsome dude on the left.)

Is it just me, or does IU no longer look like a pushover?

I only saw a little of the Penn State game, but my lasting memory is the Purdue 37 yard field goal attempt that was right on target and looked great and then all of a sudden died like it was shot out of the sky. It hit a gust of wind and just fell to the earth. I think I watched it about 5 times on TiVo just to see what actually happened to it.

I was going back through some old comments and came across one that I thought was really funny.

I was talking about my anti-winnings in Las Vegas and Eric said "Slots? Why don't you just throw coins at ugly people. You'd get a better return on your investment."

Well said!

Purdue's season hangs in the balance of this weekend. If they beat Penn State they can still go to a good bowl game with 9 wins (though I'd have to say - this would be among the worst 9 win teams I can recall). If they don't, I think they're looking at a possible 7-6 season with losses to Penn State, Michigan State, and Hawaii. I'm not saying those will happen, just that if they lose to Penn State, then 2 more losses are more likely.

I need an easy plan to lose 1 pound per week through February. It is definitely possible, and within reason also. My goal is to get down to 185. With the holidays coming up, I generally seem to pack on at least 5 - 10 pounds. I would like to do the opposite this year. With no exercise, I might add. I don't have my gym membership anymore and I don't feel like pulling a Rocky 4 type routine in the snow. I basically just need to cut out 500 calories per day. I've done more than that before, so I just need to do it again. Maybe it's time to bust out the calorie counter again.

Ideally though, I would like the weight loss fairy to come visit me in the night and syphon off pounds while I sleep. Does anyone have their number?

There's just nothing better than a nice October snow storm to remind you that you live in Ohio.

There is a daily assault on my house by the forces of the arachnids. It's like I'm living on one giant spider sack. The more I kill, the more they attack. If I open my door they come from everywhere trying to run in. If I check my mail, there's a ninja spider just hanging there trying to be inconspicuous. If I see one walking around and I look at it, they stop... like I won't know they're there. As soon as I turn around to get a paper towel to kill it, they take off and then I can't find them.

I don't like spiders. I've tried to have a truce with them in the past. I've tried ceding an area to them, but they're power hungry. They just want more and more concessions. Well, I've had enough.

It's go time.

Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum!

I just got back from surgery and I feel pretty good. There was a little bit of pressure for a while, but now that I'm still all drugged up, I'm okay.

We'll see how I feel in a hour or so. That may be when the codeine becomes my friend.

I know what I want for Christmas now, and it is completely unreasonable.

I want a 12 ft X 20 ft addition to the back of my house that has a single 36 inch door way and the walls are covered in sound proofing material. I'll also need a 102" DLP HDTV. Add to that a 10.2 channel immersive sound system (currently only available for theatres). Lastly, throw in 2 Mirage OSD-10's, 4 OMD-28's, 1 OMD-C2, 2 OMD-15's, and 3 OMD-R's.

Then put one recliner right in the middle of the room and I would be very happy.

I estimate the cost of said room to be $200,000.

Imagine this. You're an 81 year old man out for a relaxing cruise in the ocean. All of a sudden... BAM. You've been stabbed in the chest. First thoughts? Your wife didn't do it. Your kids didn't do it. Your friends didn't do it. So what happened?

A freaking stingray jumped out of the ocean, into your boat, and stabbed you with malicious intent.

What is the moral of the story? You can't trust nature. When things start flying out of their natural habitat to try to kill you, they either just plain don't like you, or they're not right in the head. Imagine if you were just walking around next to a cliff that is 500 feet tall and the next thing you know you see a lion jumping off said cliff to try to bite you in the face. It would not be good. Lions are not meant to attack you by jumping off cliffs in the same way that stingrays are not meant to jump into your boat and chase your ass down so that they can stab you.

Why do people keep running over a piece of string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

I am asking for serious suggestions on what I would like for Christmas gifts. I am asking even though A: I will not get any serious suggestions or B: I will not get any suggestions at all.

I never know what I want, and now it's not because I buy all the things I want... it's because there's nothing out there that I actually feel that I need or want that is somewhat affordable.

A high school football player in Arkansas scored 9 touchdowns and his team put up 72 points... and they lost 73-72.

Imagine how your defense must feel if your offense puts up 72 and you still lose.

Purdue's defense played well in the second half. The kicking game has me slightly concerned, but I'm hoping that it was just a bad week.

I wouldn't get my hopes up against Wisconsin - although I do think Purdue can win that game. Wisconsin destroyed Minnesota and Purdue hung on to beat them. Of course, the same could be said for Northwestern and Miami (OH) and us and Miami. NW trounced UM and Purdue didn't. IU beat Iowa which destroyed Purdue. What's going to happen in that game?

I do agree that 9 wins is within reach now. I think that 7 is the minimum that they should win now (Illinois and either IU or Michigan State), which would put them probably back in the stupid Sun Bowl. I'll take the Sun Bowl over no bowl though. They should be able to handle Penn State too, but I don't see them beating Wisconsin this week. I'm also not sure what to think about the Hawaii game. I see trap all over it. Then again, you put the offense in a nice climate and they should put up huge numbers.

Lastly, Anthony Spencer is a beast.

My brief prediction for today: Purdue 24 - Northwestern 20

My grandmother finished radiation yesterday and had her last dose of chemo today. They had been administering 1/3rd doses each week, but today they gave her the full dose. She has one more shot tomorrow and then she's done. Within a month we should know the results of all this.

If I don't get this for Christmas, I'm going to be sad.

Dylan talked to the surgeon today. He's having a pin placed in his right hand and two pins in his left foot. The surgery is scheduled for 7:00 AM on Friday.

Sleep. I came home and went to bed at 6:30 tonight. I woke up at 9:00 and am going back to bed now at 11:00. Whatever illness I have needs to go away.

Thoughts from this wild weekend.

Purdue sucked. I saw 0% of the game and I can tell you that.

Notre Dame beat a winless Stanford team and is suddenly better than Auburn? Please. Auburn would destroy the Irish.

I was rooting for the Tigers to beat the Yankees, but it would be ridiculous for Steinbrenner to fire Joe Torre.

My brother Dylan got in a head-on car crash on Saturday at 65 MPH. His car is totalled, the van that he hit is totalled also. Miraculously, everyone basically walked away from it. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, but he only has a broken left foot and right hand. It could have been MUCH MUCH worse. Here's his car:



His passenger walked away, the passenger in the van walked away, and the driver of the van was admitted and released from the hospital. I'm just thankful that he's okay - relatively speaking.

My stupid comments weren't working on Thursday night, so I neglected to mention that I saw Monty Python's Spamalot. It was pretty entertaining. I enjoyed it.

As for today, it's a sad day... I'm off to my Cedar Point for the last time this year.

The cold and flu season. Oh how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

One.... two.... zero. In zero ways do I love thee.

I've been sucking down cough drops like they're made of Taco Bell nacho cheese.

I busted out the Advil Cold & Sinus to no avail. Today I'm trying Theraflu XTREME! Why is it extreme? I have no idea. Why is there a Right Guard Xtreme? Again, I have no idea. Probably because if you're not EXTREME today then you're just not trying hard enough.

New product suggestion: Elmer's XTREME Glue! We made it extra yummy, so your kids will not be able to stop eating it!

More proof that there was absolutely no reason for oil prices to be $75 per barrel... the price falls and Venezuela says they are cutting supply. The price falls some more. OPEC says they may cut output. Prices fall some more. There NEVER was a supply issue. There NEVER was any reason for oil to be as high as it was. There's plenty of oil out there and the technologies we've got are getting better and better at extracting it. The tar sands in Canada put the rest of the world to shame. Once the new plants get going full steam up there, there will be even less of a concern about the stability of the middle east. We won't need the middle east. As it is, half of our oil comes from ourselves. Half of the remaining amount comes from stable areas of the world. Why does the market get so freaked out about instability in 25% of our suppliers? Who cares? Is that cause for tripling of the price of oil? I don't think so. The only reason that the price rocketed upwards was because of speculators like the huge hedge funds pouring billions into the energy markets. Amaranth and MotherRock just got burned big time and lost a third and ALL of their assets respectively, so it wouldn't surprise me to see the rest of the hedgers start pulling their money back out, which will really knock some dollars off the price of energy.

If OPEC does cut production, I think it will have the opposite of their desired effect. I think prices will continue to come down because then the market won't care as much about potential disruptions as there will be excess supply remaining untapped.

Either way, my prediction is that the price of oil will keep falling. Will it get below $50? I think so.

The Indians finished 78-84 despite outscoring their opponents by 88 runs over the course of the season. That's the best run-differential in major league history for a team with a losing record. The previous best was plus-77, by the 1955 Reds, who went 75-79.

Yay. The Indians are the best!

I have nothing particularly interesting to say today. It's been crappy weather over here. It's dreary and overcast now. It was thunderstorming this morning and raining until lunch. Where did Summer go? Did it ever even arrive this year? It went from 70 degrees to 100 degrees for 2 weeks and then down to 60 degrees. I have news for you Earth... 2 weeks does not equal Summer!

I want my Summer back!

Notre Dame is not good. They're better than Purdue though, and that's painful to admit. Purdue's defense just did not start off well at all.

It was a frustrating game to watch, and in fact, I didn't watch much of it after halftime.

My wish now is for Notre Dame to somehow make it to the BCS championship game and get completely dominated and obliterated by Ohio State. Oh how sweet it would be to crush their dreams. Alternatively, I also wish for them to lose every game for the rest of eternity. Those two dreams seem to conflict, and yet, they are both valid.

Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

Mobile ESPN is calling it quits.

Maybe if there service was better they'd still be around. I don't know anyone that actually has the service, and I only know one person who even tried to get the service. While it sounds like a good idea, it apparently was definitely lacking in execution.

Here are some predictions for the game this Saturday.

Purdue 24 points

Painter: 22-39, 257 yards, 2 TD's, 2 INT's
Sheets: 18 attempts, 87 yards
Taylor: 10 attempts, 64 yards, 1 TD
Bryant: 4 catches, 51 yards, 1 TD
Lymon: 2 catches, 44 yards
Keller: 8 catches, 104 yards, 1 TD


Notre Dame 35 points

Quinn: 25-41, 311 yards, 3 TD's, 1 INT
Walker: 15 attempts, 71 yards, 2 TD's
Samardzija: 8 catches, 123 yards, 1 TD
Walker: 5 catches, 58 yards, 1 TD

Today's posting brought to you by Wardrobe Help For Men.

http://www.deeknow.com/notes/humour/wardrobe.html

My braces are off. Hooray!

I get my retainers tomorrow. Boo!

Kool-Aid's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a big big crunch and a big big taste.

Unlike typical humans, who are made up of mostly water, I am made up of mostly crisco.


Editorial note: while that may be true, only I am allowed to make such posts here. I'll leave this one here, but don't let it happen again.

Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Ye had better learn t' speak like a swashbuckler today, or else ye be sorry.

Jokes for TLAP day:

A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "hey, that's really cool: where did you get it?" The parrot says, "from a pirate ship, of course."

A pirate walks into a bar with a hook hand and an eyepatch. Bartender says "that's rough, man: what happened?" Pirate holds up his arm and says "arrr, swordfight." The bartender nods and asks about the eyepatch. Pirate says, "a gull shat in it." The bartender blinks and says "you wouldn't lose an eye from that, would you?" The pirate sighs and says "you would if it's your first day with a hook hand."

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his shorts, and says, "arr, bartender, bring me a flagion of rum!" The bartender says, "sure, pal, but what's with the steering wheel?" The pirate growls, "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts."

Tomorrow is National Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Avast matey, big plans ye must have, else you'll smartly walk the plank.

Ding dong, Notre Dame's dead. Of course, knowing the AP reporters, they'll be ranked #1 this week.

Reggie Bush Investigation

An eight-month probe uncovers evidence that Reggie Bush and his family appear to have accepted improper benefits from prospective agents while at USC. The benefits, which could lead to NCAA sanctions for USC and retroactively cost Bush his college eligibility and Heisman.

This is a huge freaking deal. If USC loses it's championship and Bush loses his Heisman, that will be the biggest NCAA sanction I've ever seen.

Even though it's stupid, this is the NCAA we're talking about... what if the NCAA decides that Matt Leinart's Heisman is suspect too because Bush was on the team? I personally don't think that anything should be done to USC in this case. It seems to me that they didn't know anything about his activities, and when they learned of possible problems, they made rule changes to handle it. I do think it's very possible that Bush will be stripped of his Heisman, which is just plain stupid. He was without question the best and most exciting player in football last year whether he talked to an agent or not.

My companies stock (PCP) needs to stop screwing around and go up $18 per share so that I can sell. That would be most helpful for I am broke. Hella broke even.

For the last month it's been flat. For the last year it's only up about $8. The analysts predict it will be up 30% over the next year, so get going already. They also say to overweight your portfolio with it and that the target price is $79-$80 (it's currently about $58). Well get going already. I've got bills to pay. Stop slacking.

I am really looking forward to school being done. In fact, there is no way that it can possibly be done fast enough.

You little son of a bitch school! Why you don't you just go home? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS SCHOOL!

5 years ago today... I'll never forget where I was or how I learned about it.

I was emailing Justin back and forth about some Fantasy Football trade.

Someone told me to check the news on my pager and it said that a commuter plane had flown into the World Trade Center.

I emailed Justin and he didn't seem to know much more, and then the whole situation just descended into chaos.

We can't ever forget the feeling of that day. It NEEDS to be painful for us to watch. To some extent, we can't completely move on and allow the wound to close.

If Purdue doesn't score 50 points every game, then they're going to lose more than they win.

If Purdue plays like this against the big boys, they don't stand a chance.

I am PISSED right now. The freakng post office lost 3 payment letters of mine from last month, so now I am late on three payments. Now, if I pay those, and then they happen to find the freaking letters, those will be cashed too. This is awesome.

If these appear on my credit report, I'm going to be very angry.

Big plans for the weekend. They include, but are not limited to:

Mowing the lawn
Doing laundry
Washing the car
Buying groceries
Going to Home Depot
Doing yard work
Replacing the blind on my bedroom skylight
Straightening up my office
Going to Kohl's
Taking my comforters and pillows to the dry cleaners

Usually I don't get pissed off when I'm right about something, but this is just so freaking ridiculous.

BERLIN (Reuters) - The United States faced growing opposition on Thursday to its bid to persuade other powers to impose sanctions on Iran over its nuclear program, with China urging dialogue and France signaling room for maneuver.

As top diplomats from six major powers met in Berlin to consider what steps to take after Iran ignored a U.N. Security Council deadline to stop sensitive nuclear work, China and France signaled they were focusing on diplomacy.

What is the freaking point of a deadline if you're too useless to do anything about them when they pass? Regardless of whether the U.S. has made all the right choices in the past 5 years, we have proven that we're not afraid to stand up for what we believe is right, whereas the rest of the world just twiddles their thumbs and apparently waits for the nukes to start flying.

What would France do if someone flew a plane into the Eiffel Tower? My guess is that they would immediately surrender.

F!

Cedar Point is announcing their new roller coaster tomorrow. I don't expect it to be anything too crazy, but then again, it's Cedar Point, so you never know.

If it is completely crazy, I'll be happy. If it is "normal" I'll still be happy.

I'm going at least one more time this season, so I'll be able to check it out when I go.

Yay for me. I'm a roller coaster dork.

Two Raptors did fly yesterday. They did some cool manuevers and showed off a bit. Then they refueled in mid-air while circling Cleveland, so that was pretty cool too. I'd never seen that before.

The Blue Angels put on a fantastic show. The weather was perfect for them, and they did not disappoint.

I was at the airshow on Saturday, when of course it was steadily raining all day thanks to Ernesto. The F-22 Raptor was supposed to fly by that day, and only that day. Well, it never made it, so I was hoping that it would fly either yesterday or today. It was a no show yesterday, along with the F-117 Nighthawk (the stealth fighter.) Yesterday was 100% better than Saturday though. Tbe B-1 did 6 passes -- it's too big to land or takeoff from the airshow. The Blue Angels were able to do their regular routine, as opposed to their low-show on Saturday. They had a problem with one of their slot planes though; number 2. The pilot took off and just circled around and landed. He got out of the number 2 plane and into their spare number 7 plane and took right back off. Even when things go wrong, they still don't fail to put on a good show. Hopefully the Raptor flies today, but I won't be holding my breath.

CNN anchor broadcasts live from the ladies room

New York -- Kyra Phillips, anchor of CNN's Live From, unwittingly upstaged U.S. President George W. Bush's speech in New Orleans this week with an on-air analysis of her husband and the marriage of her brother -- all live from a CNN bathroom.

Unaware that her wireless microphone was live during her break, Ms. Phillips could be heard overriding Mr. Bush's prepared address Tuesday as he marked the anniversary of hurricane Katrina.

In conversation with an unidentified woman, Ms. Phillips dismissed most men as "assholes" but called herself "very lucky in that regard. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely . . . a really passionate, compassionate, great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They're hard to find. Yup. But they are out there."

Moments later, she observed that "brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him. . . . His wife is just a control freak."

Then another voice cut in. "Yeah, baby?" Ms. Phillips replied.

"Your mike is on. Turn it off. It's been on the air."

CNN anchor Daryn Kagan, looking flustered, then broke into the telecast with a recap of what Mr. Bush had been saying.

Ms. Phillips later apologized to viewers "for an issue we had with our mikes" and "for a little bit of an interruption there during the President."

Power through it.

Reason 591 on Mookies list of reasons why we didn't go to class:

"They asked me to read a book, so I dropped the class."

There is an advertisement for an insecticide that "kills cockroaches for up to 90 days".

If I used that insecticide, I wouldn't look forward to that army of zombie cockroaches coming after me when they come back to life in three months...

I just got back from a Wiffle Ball tournament \ Poker Tournament.

In Wiffle Ball I had 4 home runs and 10 RBI in 5 games, but I also had 3 K's in those 5 games. Stupid Wiffle Knuckleballs.

At the end of the multiple games in the poker tournament, I was only down $4.

Not bad at all. $4 for an entire days worth of food and entertainment.

"According to an article in the NYT, an Iranian heavy water nuke plant goes online today. From the article: 'An Iranian plant that produces heavy water officially went into operation on Saturday, despite U.N. demands that Tehran stop the activity because it can be used to develop a nuclear bomb. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad inaugurated the plant, which Tehran says is for peaceful purposes. The announcement comes days before Thursday's U.N. deadline for Iran to stop uranium enrichment — which also can be used to create nuclear weapons — or face economic and political sanctions.'"


Hmmm. Iran is not heeding the demands of the U.N. I believe I called that.

The Indians are on a pace to become the first team in history to finish 10 games under .500 despite outscoring their opponents by 50-plus runs.

The team is just not as bad as their record indicates. Every year there are teams out there that overachieve, but never the Indians. This year the Yankees, Tigers, White Sox, and Twins all have records that are better than the numbers indicate they should be. How can they do that and the Indians can't?

Even last year when the Indians had 93 wins, the numbers indicated they should've had 97. This year they sit at 10 games under .500 and the numbers indicate they should be 12 games OVER .500. There has to be a reason for chronic underachieving.

Is it the manager? I don't think so. You can only do so much when your bullpen implodes every game. Even ownership doesn't have much to do with the players on the field DURING the games. I just don't get it.

Next year Dolan promises he will spend a "significant" amount of money on players. Well Larry, for you it would appear that $10.99 is a significant amount of money. I'll believe it when I see it. Go out and get Alfonso Soriano and then I'll believe you. Add Carlos Lee to left and then I'll believe you. Sign Barry Zito and then I'll believe you. Instead I predict we'll hear about "The Indians signed Placido Domingo of the Western European league to a 1 year contract valued at $9."

The Indians came back to win last night after giving up 10 runs in the first inning. You'd think that Suck Time Ohio - the Indians television network (Sports Time Ohio) would want to show a replay of that game today. No thanks. No, we'll just be signed off until 6:00 PM tonight. Nothing to see here.

Way to go guys. Your network is a real gem.

Today we have example 8 trillion on why the United Nations is a worthless buereaucratic piece of junk.

It seems obvious to me that Iran wants to build a nuclear bomb. I have no first hand proof of that, but it seems likely.

Step 1: Iran wants to build a nuclear bomb.
Step 2: Iran needs more time to do so.
Step 3: United Nations warns Iran that Iran will get its hand slapped unless it stops
Step 4: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 5: United Nations tells Iran "Someone needs a timeout. We need to talk about these nuclear ambitions of yours."
Step 6: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 7: United Nations tells Iran "Three hundred more strikes, and you're going to be out!"
Step 8: Iran allows talks, knowing that all they're doing is stalling for more time.
Step 9: Talks fail to produce anything of any use to anyone.
Step 10: United Nations warns Iran that Iran will get its hand slapped unless it stops.
Step 11: Iran waits 2 months before saying "No thanks U.N. We want a nuclear bomb."
Step 12: United Nations tells Iran "Two hundred ninety-nine hundred more strikes, and you're going to be out!"
Step 13: Iran allows talks.

Now, I may be dumber than the average bear, but I think... wait. I'm having one of those things. You know. A headache with pictures. An idea? Yes! I have an idea. There seems to be a pattern here. It's the same pattern that Iraq followed. (I still believe Iraq had WMD's and since the U.N. gave them 9 months of free time before the war, I believe Iraq moved them elsewhere *cough* Syria *cough*) Regardless, it sure seems that Iran will have plenty of time to work uninterupted on their so-called "peaceful" nuclear ambitions because the freaking worthless U.N. wants to talk quietly to the school yard bully. Now Iran can complete it's research, and then guess what? It can move it all somewhere else. That allows them to say all of a sudden "Hey, U.N. inspectors! Come on in! See, we have nothing to hide. Nothing at all."

That's exactly what I predict will happen.

School starts next Monday. I have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:00 - 9:50 PM. After those two, I will be down to three classes remaining. After those three I'll finally have my doctorate.

Err... I'll have enough credit hours for my doctorate. I'll be over 200 credit hours by then. The enormous little leaguer was ridiculous, and GEM was truly outrageous, but 200 freaking credit hours is truly ridiculously outrageous. At least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the Little League World Series, there is a player for the Arabian American team named Aaron Durley. He is 13 years, stands 6'8", weighs 256 pounds, and wears a size 19 shoe. He's grown 4 inches in the past year and put on 36 pounds.

That's ridiculous.

People don't like flying.
People don't like snakes.
Put them together and what do you have? Snakes on a Plane.

Since this movie will apparently do quite well at the box office, you can rest assured that you'll be seeing this combination for years to come. I'd be willing to bet that you'll be seeing it by the metric assload.

Put one thing that people don't like together with another thing that people don't like and then make a movie about it.

For example;

Spiders on a Clown
Heart Disease on a Yugo
Public Speaking on one of those magazine inserts that fall out all over the floor as soon as you even think about picking the magazine up

Etc, etc, ad nauseum, repeat.

Lastly, I know I'm not the only one that's a little creeped out by clowns.

If the Indians go 39-2 over the next 41 games they will equal their record from last year.

Somehow, I don't think that's likely.

I just had the pleasure of watching ANOTHER blown save by their lovely bullpen.

I wonder... what could be the reason? Could it be because they didn't want to pay $4 million to Bob Howry? A guy considered to be one of the best setup men in baseball the last few years? Or could it be that they traded their closer for next to nothing?

How do you go from the best bullpen in baseball to the worst in one season? I think it starts with one word: cheap. Larry Dolan overpaid for the Indians and now he can't afford to field a moderately priced team. I'm not saying he needs to spend $150 million, or even $100 million, but at least spend $15 million to keep your best setup guy and the league leader in ERA from last year (Kevin Millwood.) How different would the season be with stability in the pen and the rotation? How much better is Kevin Millwood than Jason Johnson? How can you even begin to believe that Johnson, a so-called innings eater, would do something this year that he has never done before; i.e. have a winning season?

The cheapness of this owner is leading to a self-fullfilling prophecy. He claims that he can't pay for talent unless there is a spike in attendance. Well guess what Larry... when Dick Jacobs was spending $100 million a year on a team of all-stars, the Jake was sold out for 454 consecutive games. Now you want sell-outs for a bunch of rookies and players that will be gone as soon as their rookie contracts are up. How about spending some cash on long term deals for KNOWN quantities? How about sacking up for once and bringing in a stud in the prime of his career? Spend some money and the fans will come. If you keep fielding 60 or 70 win teams you'll never have the place more than half full.

You overpaid for the team and now you have no money, so do us a favor and sell the team. Preferably to Randy Lerner, the owner of the Browns. He has Cleveland roots and has more than enough money to spend $4 million to keep together the best bullpen in the league.

So, Larry. Would you spend $15 million for 39 more wins?

Borrowed with glee from another site: "Fans of The Cleveland Indians: We're cuckoo for Cyanide Puffs!"

Part I

Saturday
Slots = -$80
Rapid Roulette = -$140
Poker = -$120
Total = -$340

Sunday
Black Jack = -$210
Slots = +$8.50
Total = -$201.50

Monday
Slots = +$6.50
Black Jack = -$155
Rapid Roulette = -$150
Total = -$298.50

Grand Total = -$840


The sad part is that at one point on Sunday I was up $270 on Black Jack. That means in order to end up -$210, I really sucked.

That said, the whole trip ended within budget.

Amazingly I had no problem waking up for work this morning. It's amazing because I went to bed every day at 5:00 - 6:00 AM EST. Combine that with eating dinner every night at 1:00 AM EST, and I think I'm doing much better than expected.

Sordid details coming later.

I'm off to Vegas in the morning for Ji's bachelor party. The party itself isn't until Monday, so that gives me some time to win $8,000,000. I'm hoping that I just walk into the first casino I see, stick that quarter into the slot machine, and then 8 million silver dollars fall from the ceiling and pummel me.

Then again, maybe that's not so sensible. I think 800 million pennies would be better, as they are smaller after all. I'll need some big pockets though...

I'll be back on Tuesday night, but probably not fully functional until sometime on Thursday.

Today, a plot was disrupted that planned to take down planes flying from the UK to the US in waves. Three planes at a time were targeted by terrorists whose goal was the blow up the planes in mid flight.

The first thing that must be done is to congratulate the security and intelligence forces for taking care of this.

The second this is to insist that we do not surrender any more of our privacy or rights as citizens because of these activities.

By taking away rights, by spying on it's citizens (i.e. us), by ram-rodding things through like national ID cards (which, btw, will have exactly ZERO effectiveness in stopping anything like this), and by generally inciting the citizenry to panic status, we are playing right into the hands of the terrorists. That is exactly what their goal was.

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." - Ben Franklin

Don't get me wrong. We need to be proactive about finding these things, and we need to do everything we can WITHIN THE LAW to allow the intelligence community to do this. We should not just accept seizures without warrants and phone taps on everyone just because we're told it is necessary. I say bull. Giving up our freedoms does not make us any safer. It makes us oppressed. By keeping our freedoms, we win the fight. We can kill every terrorist on the planet and there will just be new terrorists. It will never end. Once you give up freedoms though, they never come back. We're currently a frog in a pot of water that is slowly being boiled, and we need to freaking wake up and realize it.

ESPN asked a question about which state is the best for college football.

Specifically, they asked "What is the "State" of the game in 2006?"

Their choices were:

California
Florida
Louisville
Pennsylvania
Texas


Hmm. One of those isn't like the others. Shouldn't someone tell Kentucky that Louisville has seceded?

I was watching MTV Cribs tonight and Damon Jones of the Cavs was on it. I believe I know where he lives, but his house wasn't the best part. He has Mercedes ML500, a Mercedes SL55, a Mercedes S550, and to top it off, he has a Mercedes SLR McLaren.

Damon Freaking Jones.

Someone who averages 6 points a game should not be allowed to own a McLaren.

Also, someone who owns a McLaren should park it at my house.

If I had to be a bronze statue, I would choose not to be a stolen bronze statue of Rin Tin-Tin.

Now, with that out of the way, on to other news. I finally, five years after the fact, finished my 2001 Rose Bowl tribute\collage\thing, complete with the remnants of a once great civilization of balloons from Joes Crab Shack that were skillfully formed into a Purdue helmet with a gigantic rose sticking out of the front. Sadly, the red balloons have lost about 90% of their color, but still they soldier on.

Who wants to play a game? It's called "How many walk off home runs can you surrender in one week."

Oh, I see the entire Indians bullpen wants to play. Welcome aboard guys.


That's why you never say to yourself, "Self. Things just can't get any worse."

They can, and then they do. This season has been ridiculous.

Normally I wouldn't recommend reading anything in Vanity Fair, but this story is an absolute must.

Vanity Fair 9/11 Tapes

It details, with audio, what was going on in NORAD, the FAA, and the NEADS (North-East Air Defense Station) on 9/11/01.

It brings back the chaos of the moment and not knowing what was going on at any given time, and if or when it would stop.

If trees could scream, would we all be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might. If they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

I just got word that my grandmothers radiation treatments are going to start next week. Originally we thought the radiation would begin after the end of chemo, but apparently not. They met with the radiation doctor yesterday and he recommended starting radiation now so that she has the best chance of beating the cancer.

Since I'm in picture mode, here are some flooding pictures from the city that I live in.

The master bathroom



The family/game room







The guest bedroom






The living room






The master bedroom






The office

Tino Martinez is El-Sucko.

Bring back Harold Reynolds!

Overnight in a 10 hour period, 7-8 inches of rain fell on my house. The yard has a bit of standing water, but nothing even close to what I've seen within a mile of it. Overall it handled it really well. There were two small leaks in the bathroom where those exposed nail heads were, but that was it. There are yards that look like the lake because you can't see any grass at all. My work flooded on the first floor in the front of the building. My step sisters house flooded on the first floor. Her house doesn't have a basement, but she said water was coming out of the vents and was in the ductwork. My grandparents whole street had water in their basements. Within a block of my house a huge tree fell across the road and took out power lines. To my knowledge, my house still doesn't have power.

There's a seafood restaurant (Pickle Bill's) that is on the Grand River about 10 minutes from me. It literally floated away into Lake Erie. There's places that are covered by 10 feet of water. It's crazy.

The only way I can describe last night is that it was like a movie. In movie thunderstorms there is constant lightning going on, but it's never really like that. Well, last night it was like that. I've never been in a hurricane, but for a period of time, that's what I would expect to see in one. Horizontal rain. Coming down so hard that in an unmoving car, you couldn't see anything at all. Trees being snapped in half like they were twigs. Dozens of roads closed because of standing water at least 4 feet deep. Entrances and exits to the highway blocked off by police so that people don't drive into the water and drown.

It was certainly a weird night. I didn't even grasp it until I saw it for myself in the daylight.

I'd estimate that there are more people not at work than there are at work. I didn't come in until 11:30 and I'll probably leave for home in about 5 minutes.

The National Weather Service estimates that another 4 inches of rain will fall tonight. Lake County (where I live) has already declared a state of emergency...

For those that don't believe in the Cleveland sports curse, here is more evidence:

"Pro Bowl center LeCharles Bentley sustained an injury to his left knee during the Browns' first 11-on-11 drill of training camp on Thursday."

The screen door is installed. All the shelves have been put in place in the office and the giant map that I use to show all the baseball stadiums I've been to is up. The guest bed is there but still needs assembly, which should happen tonight. Then I just need to populate the shelves with crap and hang the rest of the pictures. The last interior thing I should need to buy are blinds for the skylight in my bedroom. After that, I believe the inside will be complete.

The last thing to do on the outside is pressure wash the siding. Well, a new roof is coming too. I thought it had 20 year shingles, but it turns out it's 15, and I'm on year 13. Rather than wait for more leaks to appear (2 small streams appeared in June due to 2 exposed nail heads, which has been corrected), I'm getting it taken care of now. 30 year dimensional shingles (burnt-sienna for those keeping score at home) and new roll material for the patio roof. The ridge vent will be re-done and all the flashing and crap around the skylights will be done too.

Hopefully they'll shoot the birds that keep throwing nest material through the gutter guards too. Especially the ones that hang out right outside my windows and CAW CAW CAW as loud as they can all morning. Then once I get up, they fly away and probably laugh amongst themselves. Stupid birds.

I've completed everything on my schedule and have even gotten a few additional things accomplished. The guest bedroom is painted, the office is painted, the deck is pressure washed and stained, my office desk is put together, the computer and home network are up and working perfectly, most of the pictures have been hung, and the entertainment center has been re-positioned and the surround sound placed for optimal audio performance.

Up next, decorating the office, new screen door for the back door (which presently has no screen) and a new guest bed.

The NCAA is investigating the University of Kentucky for recruiting violations.

What kind of violations you ask?

Some UK fans posted pro-Kentucky statements on the MySpace page of a high school senior basketball player. FANS!

That's utterly ridiculous. The University is getting punished for some posts it's fans made on a MySpace page? Give me a break.

Purdue should get the death penalty then, because I wear clothes that act as billboards with Purdue's logo or name on them. Some high school athlete might see them one day.

Hey NCAA, why not just make it illegal to have fans? Oh, because then you don't have any money to prop up your worthless organization. I forgot.

1 day post-chemo

My grandmother seems to be doing fine. She's not feeling sick and is generally showing no side effects. She said she feels a little tired, but I assume that's to be expected.

She went out for lunch and dinner last night and had no problems eating or keeping food down. I'd have to say, so far so good.

Purdue is supposed to have a good basketball recruiting class. I predict a Mike Robinson situation.

10 minutes before the start of Mackey Madness:

Oh I'm so excited! This year is going to be crazy! We got this McDonald's All-American that supposedly has unlimited range!

10 minutes after the start of Mackey Madness:

That guy hasn't made a single shot. Not even a dunk. That guy sucks. Boo!

I would like a whole day of sitting. Very little moving would also be acceptable.

The home network of the Indians is showing the all-star games from Cleveland tonight. I just watched part of the 1997 all-star game. You remember right? That was back when Barry Bond's head was a normal size, Jason Dickson would partake in the first of many all star games. At least, many more than I would participate in, i.e. one. Kenny Lofton got a standing ovation (that was the year when he got traded to Atlanta in the off season) and Albert Belle was relentlessly booed (that was after he took the money and ran to Chicago.) Ah, the good ole days.

Thanks Tony Fernandez! Way to go Charles Nagy! You were always reliable Jose Mesa!

I have nothing to say of any particular insight, so I will just say this:

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Comcast. The brightest star in the sky.

Here's an exact copy of an email I sent them.

"I previously had online billing setup for my account. I moved recently, and now have a different account number. Because I no longer get actual bills, I do not know my new account number.

Please email me my account number so that I can log in to it. Thanks."


Here's their brilliant reply.

"We hope you understand that we ask for contact in this manner for your own protection. Security measures guard against unauthorized individuals accessing and or altering your account without your permission. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

A Comcast representative is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to assist you! When contacting us, please have your 16-digit Comcast account number available.

We appreciate your patience and understanding, and look forward to properly assisting you.

Thank you for choosing Comcast.

Sincerely,

Amy
Comcast Customer Care Specialist"


Look Amy, if you had actually read my freaking message you'd see that I DON'T HAVE MY ACCOUNT NUMBER! That's why I emailed you! What you basically told me is that I can't get my account number without having my account number. Thanks for the help!

New and improved! Now with 1,000,000 grams of deliciousness!

I'm already behind schedule now. I re-arranged the living room and moved the entertainment center. I moved some of the cable connections in the attic to make that possible. I finished hooking up the game systems, and now the living room is basically done.

Granted, this was on my list of things to do, I just didn't figure on doing it yesterday. On top of that I had unannounced visitors, so that threw me further off schedule.

On to a more serious thing, the oncolygist appointment was yesterday. Basically here's what they said: she has the most aggressive kind of cancer there is, and they want her to start chemo immediately. They want to run an 8 week course followed by 4 weeks of radiation. She instead is going to wait until the 18th to start and is only going to do 4 weeks of chemo. Why you ask? Because she's stupid and either doesn't grasp the severity or is in denial. It's very irritating and there's apparently nothing I can do about it.

Upcoming events in excrutiating minutiae

7/05/06 - Paint walls in guest bedroom
7/06/06 - Attend Indians game versus the Yankees
7/07/06 - Stain deck
7/08/06 - Paint ceiling in guest bedroom and paint walls in office
7/09/06 - Venture to Cedar Point
7/10/06 - Recover
7/11/06 - Paint ceiling in office
7/12/06 - Assemble massive desk and unpack boxes in office
7/13/06 - Venture to Cedar Point
7/14/06 - As of yet unplanned future disaster
7/15/06 - Probably recovering from unplanned future disaster
7/16/06 - Venture again to Cedar Point
7/17/06 - Stay over at Cedar Point

I saw Superman Returns yesterday. It was pretty good. I had no problems with the guy playing Superman. In general, it did nothing that seemed to create lasting negative opinions. I wouldn't buy it on DVD, but I'd watch it again if someone brought it over. On my scale I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and go with a 6. Would accept as a gift / would pay money to rent. I'm not sure that I would actually pay to rent it, but I would accept it as a gift. It seems a bit better than a 5 though, so I rounded up.

The special effects are good, but I don't think they're as mind-blowing as other people thought. Then again, maybe they are. I can only recall one part where I was taken out of the story by the effects, and that's just because I'm an idiot who notices the smallest thing. The goal of effects should be to be completely transparent. These ones seems to do the trick.

Also, I won a poker tournament last night. I was low chip count in the final three players (by a long shot) but somehow pulled it out. I think in the last 10 hands I played I went all-in in about 7 of them.

An entire day without rain. I don't know what's going on, but I like it!

I also like that the Indians blew a 7 run lead in the 7th inning. Hooray for school!

You will not believe this! Somewhere near me is a magical store than sells Hostess Pudding Pies! Yes, the pudding pies that Hostess stopped manufacturing a decade ago. Those very pies that cannot be found anywhere in the world it seems. This wonderful time warp store sells Orange, Grape, Cherry, and Pineapple Crush too! In 20 ounce glass bottles even. It's like walking into your childhood, but with expiration dates in the present.

I have no idea where this store gets the goods, but it's got them and I'm not telling anyone where it is lest they get swarmed over with locusts.

Happy days are here again, and they're fill with creamy pudding.

The PET scan results came back from my grandmother. It showed that the cancer had spread to her collar bone, or at least was metastasizing in that direction through the lymphnodes.. The oncologyst appointment will show whether chemotherapy will get rid of that or not. I don't really know any other details at this point, but I'll post more as I get it.

I lied. There were no vegetables... unless cake is a vegetable.

I did finally get the dining room table cleared off and my bed put together though, so no more sleeping on a box spring and mattress on the floor.

It's been over a week now, but I think I'm going to have my first actual meal in the new house.

It will even include a vegetable.

I'm out for the weekend. I predict that life will be different in the following ways when I get back:

1. Due to sunburn, I will be as red as a lobster

2. I will have had my fill of Bob Evans for a while

3. The Indians will be 17 games back in the AL Central

4. The Cavs will be preparing to draft either A) some unknown white guy, or B) Trajan Langdon

5. It will have finally stopped raining

Comcast, in it's infinite wisdom, decided that they would cancel all my email accounts and remove my web page. Why did they do this? Because I transferred my service.

Excellent!

Did they realize that I transferred it FROM Comcast TO Comcast? I think so. They charged me $29.95 to relocate. That's the most expensive freaking button push in history. Here, please come charge me $5 per jack to activate it, $29.95 to switch the addresses, $51.97 to install three new lines, $121.86 for cable and a cable modem. You'd think they'd freaking realize that they shouldn't cancel all my stuff!

Bitches.

Tired.

Much unpacking to do still.

That should make it easy for the thieves since I'll be gone this Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

If you're in the area, feel free to help yourself.

Half of the furniture has been received and I should be getting the last half this weekend or early next week. In total it includes a dining room table, 6 chairs, a buffet, 2 rocker\swivlers, a love seat, and a sleeper sofa.

The cleaning crew arrives tomorrow, and the move is on Friday. I moved about 7 boxes today and will move the receiver and speakers tomorrow (i.e stuff that I don't want to risk with the movers) and the have the pleasure of coming back to the empty condo to paint on Saturday.

Hooray!

On the down side, I just found out my entire house is surrounded by trees that "snow." There's crap everywhere. Hopefully they stop shedding soon.

Only on eBay can you buy a Ben Roethlisberger replica motorcycle helmet.

I'm in the final stages of packing now. The last few things I need to do are disconnect my home theater, take apart my bed, and pack up my computer. After I get moved I'll need to come back in and do some touch-up painting.

Starting on Friday my car will be living in a garage. It's quite excited about that. I predict the birds will be lying in wait for me to pull it out however. Within 3 seconds of leaving the garage the car will be bombarded.

The Cleveland Indians.

Finding new ways to lose since 1948.

I'm going to look at some furniture tonight. Hopefully I see what I like and they just let me take it for an extended test drive. Kind of like Sears at the Levey did back in the day. I bought a subwoofer there, WALKED it back to the Quad, then returned it at the end of the semester and got back more money than I paid for it. That's what I'm trying to do with furniture. I'll let you know how that works out.

Judge orders lawyers to play Rock, Paper, Scissors to end dispute

Finally, there is justice. After the lawyers involved in a case couldn't settle even the most basic disputes without court intervention, a federal judge ordered two lawyers to play one game of rock, paper, scissors to settle the dispute.

Here are some links on this ridiculous story. What's next? Ro-Sham-Bo for the Presidency?

CNN Money coverage

ABC News coverage

My Grandmother's bone scan and CAT scan are today. We don't know yet if they'll get the results today, have them mailed to us, or whether the doctor will tell them the results later.

This weekend I'm heading out to Cedar Point for the first time this year. They've already started building a new rollercoaster that won't open until next year. When they start this early, it usually means that it's either going to be a huge ride or it's going to be a brand new type of ride. There's no telling at this point.

Thanks to the creative people at the county auditors site, my new house is not owned by me. It's owned by someone named Von Fossen. Congratulations Von!

Also, since Mr. Fossen purchased the house, he added a 4th bedroom and an entire basement! He sure has been busy.

My house finally filed today. Now I just need to finish packing and then I can sit back and think about where to put everything.

Non-existant lawn mower in the shed. Check.
Invisible snow blower in the garage. Check.
Kate Beckinsale in the kitchen. Check.

I think I've got it all figured out.