Start paging people at random, tell them your hair is on fire, get up and start dancing around and then throw gold coins into the air. Then you will be able to print in portrait mode.

>> Try it again using the password: 'summer1'

Idiot: number one?

>> No, summer like the season, and the number one.

Idiot: Number, like the season?

>> *Sigh* yes... number. Like the season.

Idiot: Do you mean summer ZERO one?

>> No, just summer and the number one.

Idiot: I know, but is there a ZERO before the one?

First there was Survivor. Then there was American Idol. Now, coming to Fox this fall: America's Nakedest Women.

My new toy, complete with DVD burner, will be here next week. Yay for me.

Everyone should make sure to watch for Crazy Uncle Zydrunas at the NBA all-star game.

Oh man, what's that smell? Hey! It's the Red Sox!

Aw, come on now. What did I just step in? Oh! It's the Yankees!

Rubiks Cube, oh how I hate thee.

You know what I miss? I miss watching True Lies 40 times a semester on BTV and making chicken pizza things and dipping them in Miracle Whip.

You know what I don't miss? I don't miss the hurricance force winds that assaulted me every Winter day for 4 years and I don't miss the zamboni's that used to drive along the sidewalks and polish the ice.

Owwww!!! My neck! My back! My neck and my back!

So hot... want to touch the hiney.

You wanna know why the Raiders lost the Super Bowl? It's because their offensive coordinator called the "throw an interception and let them run it back for a touchdown" play too many times and didn't call the "run 98 yards for a touchdown" play enough. It's just that simple.